


Chosen of Fen'Harel

by Cullen_Lavellan



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Agents of Fen'Harel (Dragon Age), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Universe, Dreams and Nightmares, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Minor Dagna/Sera (Dragon Age), Minor The Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Mutual Pining, POV Cullen Rutherford, POV Inquisitor (Dragon Age), POV Multiple, Solas is not the good guy, The Fade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cullen_Lavellan/pseuds/Cullen_Lavellan
Summary: Kallian was ten when the birthmark fully formed. A wolf’s head silhouette above her pelvis on the left side of her belly button. As soon as Kallian saw it she knew that life as she knew it was over. She was a Chosen of Fen’Harel.Often, after a particularly hard day, Kallian dreamed of a meadow. Leaning against a tree gave her a chance to cry without the prying eyes of the other elves. Eventually she saw a white wolf walk over to her and settle its head on her lap. Even though she knew that she should, Kallian had no fear of the animal. Rather she weaved her fingers through the beast's fur and told it of her woes.She was a Chosen of Fen'Harel, his Ambassador for Clan Lavellan. And she was being sent to spy on the Conclave.______US Domestic Abuse hotline1-800-799-7233Remember that emotional/psychological abuse is just as valid as physical abuse, and they are often precursors to more serious types of violence.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford, Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Sunlight trickled through the leaves of the tree Kallian was propped up against warming her skin. Her eyes reluctantly peeled open and were greeted by the faint glow of the Fade. She brushed her hand across the grass, marveling at the soft blades. Where her hands went, tiny sprites floated up to kiss her skin. A quiet sound made from behind her had Kallian pulling her ears back, pinning them to the sides of her head. The new angle allowed her to hear a large beast padding up behind her as if he was going to pounce. 

“Fen’Harel” she sighed, determined to not let the beast sneak up on her as he always tried to.

“Kallian. I see I will have to try harder to sneak up on you” a familiar deep voice intoned from just behind her.

“Your footsteps are so loud I don’t think any amount of trying will make a difference,” Kallian replied with an sly smile turning to face him. He was in his battle armor today, a wolf pelt draped across his shoulders. In his face she could see that this was not a casual visit. Not wanting to beat around the bush, Kallian asked, “to what do I owe this pleasure?”

His wolfish smile that had echoed hers only moments before faded slightly, her suspicions of his intent were confirmed. He was going to ask her to do something, something big. 

“The time has come for you to leave Clan Lavellan.” Kallian could not suppress her surprise and gasped. Where his stealth had failed to sneak up on her, this declaration succeeded.

Brushing past her surprise he continued, “The human Chantry is planning a meeting to try and broker a peace between the mages and the circles. The Keeper believes it might be a good idea if you go and observe.” Kallian got the impression that Keeper Deshanna did not come to this conclusion on her own. 

“Why do you need me to go?” Kallian cocked her head with curiosity. “What investment do you have in the civil war?”

“I simply would like one of my agents to be there.” She flinched at the reproach in his voice. He did not like when his Chosen questioned his instructions. “And you are the one that I trust the most to get the job done.” His eyes looked over her with a stare that would make the coldest winter air seem warm. “Unless you do not think you are up to it?” he adds.

Kallian’s cheeks flushed with shame. She should know better than to question him, who was she to think she knew better than an old god.

“Ir abelas, Fen’Harel. I will do it” she bowed slightly averting her eyes. After a momentary awkward silence she looked up at him again. The face she saw held the same proud wolfish grin he had given her years earlier when they first met.

\--

Kallian’s nerves had been growing since the day she had turned 13, the designated age for Chosen to meet Fen’Harel. When Danyla had told her that it was to be that night she could barely fall asleep. Her mind would not stop imagining what the meeting would be like, causing her to toss and turn, unable to settle. After a long struggle she was finally able to drift off and join her mentor in the Fade.

Kallian looked around her; she had been here before in her dreams. Danyla had wanted her to feel prepared for this meeting and had been giving the girl tasks to get more comfortable in the Fade. For the untrained, the dreaming world could be very disorienting

In the distance, she saw a great white wolf coming towards them and instantly felt a stab of recognition.

“I’ve seen that wolf before,” Kallian whispered to her mentor, “he would watch me during my meditations, sometimes I would hear him run by me.” She left out the times that he had sat next to her, allowing her to brush his fur or had given her comfort when she was upset.

“Hush little one,” Danyla whispered back, “that's not possible: the Dread Wolf never approaches his Chosen before they are 13.” 

She knew this wasn't true, she would recognize the wolf anywhere. She had always wondered about him, his grey eyes seeming far too elfish for a typical wolf. 

Reaching them, the wolf looked at the older woman, an understanding seemed to pass between them. Danyla looked at her apprentice, squeezed her arm and disappeared. When Kallian looked back, there was an elf standing in front of her rather than a wolf. The young girl jumped back in surprise. She had not been expecting to be left alone with him.

“Calm yourself, Da’fen,” the man whispered in a lightly accented voice as he lowered himself so they were looking eye to eye. “I am Fen’Harel.”

\--

“Kallian.” his voice softened when he said her name this time, pulling her out of the memory. The Dread Wolf mask slid off, allowing the face of her friend to peek through. 

He opened his arms to her and she ran into them, folding against his chest as he sat against the tree. He kissed the side of her head, murmuring in the ancient language into her hair. She allowed her fear and tension of the work to melt out of her as much as possible. 

“You want to serve me? This is the best way to do so; you will see this.” She met his light grey eyes with her green ones. “We’ve been wondering what makes you special, why you are different from the others. I believe this will answer all our questions.”

The mention of her differences from the others made her think of the source of those differences: the birthmark on her hip. Where others only had a wolf head silhouette marking them, she had a strange line running through hers. When the new mark had begun to develop almost a year ago, the Wolf was just as confused as she was. No other Chosen had ever had a mark like hers. 

“What is going to happen at this meeting? Why is it so important?” she whispered against his chest, ashamed by how her voice cracked with fear.

“Just trust me, da’len.”

“I won’t be returning to the clan, will I?” He squeezed her in response. “What of Layana?”

“You have trained the child well and we will keep an eye on her, make sure she is safe.” Kallian felt her heart sink. She was leaving the only person in her clan who had felt like family. The first tear fell as she thought of facing the child in the morning. Grief threatening to overwhelm her. Fen’Harel rubbed comforting circles on her back and hummed to her until she calmed fully.

Too soon, it was time to return to the waking world and face what was to come. As she left the Fade, he whispered, “don’t worry, da’len. I will always be there for you.”

~~

Kallian woke up in her aravel, feeling the arms of the Dread Wolf around her fading as she came to consciousness. She could hear the gentle breathing of her apprentice nearby. The young girl's shoulder was peeking out from under the furs, and Kallian could see the wolf shaped birthmark that tethered her to Fen’Harel. 

Emerging from the avarel, Kallian began to peer through the fog illuminated by the early morning sunlight. Looking at the still sleeping clan, she found she was relieved to be leaving, the only member of the clan she would truly miss was sleeping behind her.

The unfortunate consequence of her position was the distance it forced between her and the other members of their clan. The Dalish widely believed that anyone who was trusted enough by Fen’Harel to speak for him was to be treated with the same amount of suspicion as the old god himself.

Walking around their aravel, she walked towards the small wolf statue Clan Lavellan used to represent the Dread Wolf. She cleared the leaves that had fallen around it during the night and lit a candle to lead the wolf away from the clan. She finished by singing a prayer to him, asking for safety and clemency for the clan, completing the daily ritual.

As she was finishing the prayer, the Keeper walked up to the statue, being careful to stay behind it. If at all possible, the Chosen should be the only ones to walk in front of the statue. They were trained to interpret and communicate with the old god and would know how to misdirect him keeping the clan “hidden” from his sights.

“Kallian…”

“Fen’harel came to me in a dream last night and told me that going to the conclave was his will. I will be leaving today as soon as Lanaya wakes up and I have the chance to talk to her.” Kallian did not see the point of dragging out a conversation that neither of them wanted to have. 

“Seems like the Dread Wolf beat me to it then,” The Keeper nodded at her and glanced back to the avarel. Kallian’s ears flipped back and she heard Lanaya step out of their avarel and approach the two of them. Her face fell remembering the difficult conversation she had to have.

“You’ve done the best you can with her. She will do the job well,” the Keeper’s ability to read her face unsettling.

Kallian seethed at the compliment, “Do better for her, Keeper. I - we - will know if you don’t”. The Keeper’s eyes flashed as her threat registered, responding with only a nod. 

~~One Month Later~~

Kallian suppressed a yawn from the shadows of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. It was hour four and it did not seem like any progress had been made. The man who had been introduced as Knight-Vigilant of the Templar order argued for the circles to be reinstated fully.

“The explosion at Kirkwall was caused by an apostate mage. Mages running around unchecked will just lead to more violence.” Kallian snorted at the circular argument drawing more than a few stares. The Dalish don’t have circles and we seem to do just fine. Seems like the guarding is the problem. 

The Grand Enchanter made more sense to her. But according to the Knight-Vigilant, she was too close to the problem because she was a mage.

What have you sent me to Fen’Shan?. Kallian wanted nothing more than to leave the boring shems to their own problems, but he had wanted her to be here.

“I think we should all take a break. Clear our heads,” the Divine intoned. Kallian pushed off the wall behind her and set out to explore the Temple. Fen’Harel had asked her to attend the meeting for a reason and she wanted to know why. 

After about an hour of exploring hallways that all looked the same, Kallian began to hear the din of conversation float up from the levels below. As she was turning to rejoin the crowd she felt compelled to continue down the hallway as if she was connected to something by a thread that was growing taught. Dread settled into her stomach like a lead weight when she heard a voice cry out from the chamber. 

Bursting through the door she saw the Divine suspended in the air, strange green bands around her arms. 

“What is going on in here” Kallian shouted in an attempt to slow down the progression of events clearly unfolding. Her eyes darted around, trying to pick up as many details as quickly as possible. A nightmare of a man stood in the front of the room commanding several shades to secure the Divine.

Cradled in the hand of the nightmare was an orb pulsing with a strange green light. As soon as her eyes locked onto the orb she knew this was the reason the Dread Wolf had wanted her to come to this meeting. 

The last thing Kallian remembered was a flash of green light, accompanied by a painful burning sensation in her left arm.

~~

A familiar voice cut through the Fade dream she was having. Dreams of dragons and humanoid monsters dancing on the edge of her vision. A orb that flashed green, and made pain shoot through her arm. And seemingly no way to escape no matter which way she looked.

“... Da’len…” She looked around her, trying to find his grey eyes in the unfamiliar landscape. “... Da’len come with me.... Wake up”. She turned more frantically this time. “It's time Kallian, time to wake up.” Finally in a stone doorway she saw his face, his bald head was distinctive, the pointed ears and the pale eyes reaching out to her as much as his hand was. She moved towards him as the realm around her started to dissipate. The monsters that had been skating around the edges of her vision began to pursue her. She heard the humanoid monster shout, “Don’t let the elf escape.” She just made it to the doorway when the fade dropped from around her.

~~

The throbbing pain in her knees and thighs awoke her, becoming more demanding the further into consciousness she slid. It was clear that whoever put her here made no effort to be gentle about it.

The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was the form she had been reaching for. “Fen’Harel?” she whispered, sobs beginning to rack her body. Frantically looking around searching for the tell-tale signs of being in the Fade. 

What happened? Who was the man? Why is there no air? She had to be in the Fade. She had never seen the Dread Wolf outside of the Fade. 

Am I dead?

Did the gods even exist outside in the waking world? 

Finding no signs, she began to hyperventilate, pupils blown wide and ears flicking around. 

“Shhh da’lin, I have much to explain and not enough time.” He approached her and kneeled so he was level with her. Kallian found herself reaching up to touch his face, to make sure he was real, when she felt her wrist pulled back suddenly with a bite of pain. “Ah yes, that will be explained as well”. Kallian looked down, her hands were cuffed together and chained to the ground. 

“Fen’Ha..” she started before being cut off by a sob.

“You can’t call me that here, Kallian,” he reached to touch her face but she flinched away. “Unless we are in the Fade, you must call me Solas.” She could see the hurt in his eyes quickly covered by a mask of determination. “Cassandra will explain where we are, so I won't. What you need to know is this: They think I am an apostate mage who studies rift magic. When the breach opened up I felt like my knowledge would be useful so I came here to offer my services. You and I are just meeting now for the first time. I could only talk my way in here because I am a healer.”

“Cassandra?” Kallian’s head was swimming with the influx of new information as well as oxygen deprivation, fresh tears falling from her eyes. Her ears flicked to the door, someone was coming.

He opened his mouth to answer when he noticed the movement. Fen’Harel jumped back so whoever was coming wouldn’t see that they had been talking. 

“Is she awake? I must speak with her.” This must be Cassandra.

A scary looking woman with short dark hair burst into the room and saw Kallian’s open eyes. Cassandra was followed by a hooded woman who seemed to blend into the shadows as well as any hunter Kallian had seen. 

Cassandra’s eyes darted over to him, “Has she said anything?” He shook his head in response.

Cassandra circled Kallian like a wolf around an injured halla. “Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you right now. The Conclave is destroyed, everyone who attended is dead. Except you”. Cassandra was practically hissing with anger, hand on her sword hilt twitching.

Kallian flashed up to meet Fen’Harel’s - Solas’ - eyes where he stood in the corner. “Everyone’s dead? All those people,” she asked timidly, not able to believe what she just heard. Her eyes asked the question she couldn’t say out loud: Did you know this would happen? 

He looked away as if he couldn’t stand up under the weight of her gaze. 

“Explain yourself, elf. Explain this.” the women raised up Kallian’s shackled hands as a green light flashed out of her left palm. Kallian screamed in pain as her palm split in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading y'all
> 
> Elvhen Translation  
> Ir Abelas - I'm sorry  
> Da'fen - young wolf  
> Da'len - young one  
> Fen'Shan - old wolf


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kallian and co. take on the breach.

“Seeker, certainly this is unnec-” Solas stepped towards her with a healer’s concern in his eyes.

“Quiet, apostate!” Cassandra shouted with a murderous glare over her shoulder.

Kallian met his eyes with mirth. Whatever was happening was his fault. The light on her hand matched the light that had been around the orb, his orb. She couldn’t help the feeling of vindication at seeing the Seeker’s anger aimed towards him. He was the source of her current pain. Had he been more upfront with her about the plans, she may have been able to avoid it.

“Now,” Cassandra’s focus turned to her once again, “explain.”

“I can’t, I don’t know what that is or how it got there.” Looking anywhere but towards the man responsible for what was happening, Kallian found her eyes lingering on the Seekers armor. She recognized the Eye of Truth on the breastplate, dread falling into the pit of her stomach. Seekers were trained to root out lies. I will have to be careful with this one.

“You’re lying” Cassandra hissed, beginning to draw her sword. Kallian felt all the blood drain from her face. She is good.

The hooded woman stopped her, pulling her sword arm back, “We need her, Cassandra.” She had an Orlesian accent, smooth and disarming. Her voice made Kallian want to tell them the truth. She realized that the Seeker was the lesser of two evils in this situation.

Cassandra stepped away from Kallian.

“Do you remember what happened? How this began?” The hooded woman gently stepped towards her. Now that she was looking up at her, Kallian could see the woman’s face, it was the friendliest face she had seen in many years. 

Kallian wanted to tell her everything. 

~~

Kallian had woken up in a strange part of the Fade she had never been to before. Immediately, she sat up trying to find the Divine. Surely if Kallian had survived, she would have, too. 

Finding no signs of the woman, Kallian realized she should be less worried about the Divine being missing and more about what had happened to her. She glanced around frantically, trying to get her bearings and figure out where she was. 

As she searched, she heard the Dread Wolf call out to her. Instinct had her turning toward the voice without thinking. Fade spiders popped up behind her and she started running in the direction she had heard the voice come from, haphazardly dodging bits of rubble from a destroyed building. 

Eventually she saw Fen’Harel in a stone doorway, reaching toward her. She fell into an all out sprint, barely avoiding the rubble. The spiders were still gaining on her, climbing over the debris rather than around it. 

Pumping her legs faster than she ever had before, she gave one final push. Kallian grabbed the Dread Wolf’s outstretched hand. He pulled her through the doorway and out of the Fade.

~~

Kallian’s eyes flashed to the eyes of Solas who gave a nearly undetectable shake of his head. You want me to lie to them. Why? Making a mental note to add that to the list of things she would make him explain later, she began to weave her tale.

“I remember running, there were things chasing me. And then there was a … woman.” 

Hazarding a glance to the mage in the corner, he gave an almost invisible nod of approval. He had taught her that the best lies were seeded in truth.

“A woman?” asked the hooded woman, her eyes hopeful.

Kallian was shocked, she had somehow picked the perfect thing to say.

“Sh- She was in a stone doorway reaching out to me. Like she wanted to pull me to safety.” She regretted giving her a scrap of hope where there was none. Whoever she had lost was clearly important to her.

“Leliana,” Cassandra whispered in warning, “she could be trying to trick us. Go ahead to the forward camp. I will follow with the elf.” Leliana looked down at Kallian one last time before turning and walking out the door.

“What did happen?” Kallian asked Cassandra as the Seeker unlocked her shackles. 

“It will be easier to show you.” Cassandra responded hauling Kallian to her feet. “Follow me.”

It took a few limping steps for the stiffness in her legs to reduce enough to walk normally. They exited the Chantry temple into an eerie greenish night and paused a few steps outside the door.

Trying to find the source of the odd light, Kallian looked at the sky only to be greeted with a giant hole bored right above where the Temple of Sacred Ashes should be. To make matters worse, a pillar of green light speared into the middle of the hole, like an arrow sticking out of a wound. 

The same green light that was being emitted from the mark on her hand. Somehow the Dread Wolf’s orb had caused both the hole and the mark.

The blasted orb. How did the monster get it? She felt the man stiffen behind her as if he could read her thoughts. When she got out of this she had questions and he would answer.

“The hole, this Breach, was caused by the explosion at the Conclave.” Cassandra explained as Kallian looked up in horror. 

“An explosion can do that?” Kallian had to suppress a nervous chuckle at the sheer ridiculousness of what she had been told.

As they were watching, the green light in the sky flashed. Kallian collapsed with a scream, clutching her hand to her chest as agony radiated up her arm. Solas was there to catch her in an instant, preventing further bruises from forming on her knees.

“The Breach is getting bigger” Cassandra said, looming over her, “as is your mark. It is going to kill you if we can’t stabilize it.” 

Kallian looked down and the mark had grown a quarter inch wider, almost entirely bisecting her palm. She could feel Solas stiffen behind her. You didn’t want me to know that yet. If you were ever going to tell me at all. 

“Your mark could be the key to closing it, to saving the world.” 

Kallian looked up at the woman and nodded. “Let’s go then.”

Solas pulled her to her feet, numbing the pain slightly with a quick spell.

“‘Ma serannas, arani.” Kallian stepped away and began to follow Cassandra away from the Chantry. People they passed on their way out of town tore their attention away from the Breach as they passed. They focused on the group for just long enough to glare at her and send a chill down Kallian’s spine. 

“When you were the only survivor of the Conclave, many people assumed you were the one to trigger the explosion” Cassandra’s attempt at explanation did not make her feel better about the glares. “Many of them have made their minds up about you. Some are wondering why you are not already dead.”

Kallian shivered as more people turned to look at her. It took everything in her not to scream at them that she had been trying to save the Divine when the building exploded. This is how they reward me, locking me up like a prisoner. My only crime was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

~~

They passed many skirmishes between soldiers and demons on their way up the path. Cassandra took the lead with her sword and shield drawn. Solas watched their backs, casting barrier spells to keep them protected from any errant fire balls thrown by demons. 

It did not take long for their group to reach the bridge that was the makeshift forward camp. There was a more significant military presence here with barriers creating a bottleneck. There were a few soldiers here standing ready to face whatever force they believed to be coming. Messengers ran in and out of the encampment, carrying what Kallian assumed were notes between the different commanders. 

This is an impressive showing for a group of shemlen. They must have been organizing for a while. 

“Lady Cassandra!” A messenger said breathlessly, skidding to a stop in front of them. “Lady Nightingale has moved on to scout ahead and assist where she can. She will rendezvous with you at the temple.”

“Thank you.” Cassandra was terse in her response. “Tell Commander Rutherford that we are in route to the Breach with the elf.”

“Yes, my Lady!” the messenger turned on a heel and ran.

“We must continue,” Cassandra commanded without so much as a glance back in their direction. 

After crossing the bridge Cassandra directed them off the path onto a frozen creek bed surrounded by large rocks. Immediately upon stepping on the ice Kallian heard a roar and crouched into a defensive position, preparing to use magic. They had been completely surrounded by demons.

“Kallian!” She turned towards Solas’ voice, catching the staff he had thrown at her. 

Strapping it to her back she drew energy from it, summoning her knight-enchanter bow. Pulling the bowstring back till it pressed on her cheek, Kallian took a steadying breath. The demon she was looking at had its back up against a rock, preventing any flanking moves. Aiming for the demon’s hand, she released the arrow pinning her target to the rock behind it, the ice spell she had put on the arrow froze the hand into place. 

To her left side she saw the demon that had appeared between her and Solas move to flank them. With her primary target out of commission for the time being, she turned, knocking an arrow. She aimed for the shoulder and loosed, causing the demon to stagger. With a flick of her wrist, the bow transformed into twin daggers. A Fade step had her behind the monster stabbing it just below the head and drawing the daggers down banishing it.

She heard with pinned ears that the original demon finally succeeded in yanking its hand off the wall. She turned and ran toward it, launching off a rock embedded in the creek. She used the extra height to do a downwards stab. With the second demon dealt with and the song of the battle running through her veins, she turned towards her companions. One of the demons that had been stuck in a barrier cast by Solas escaped and moved towards Cassandra.

Merging her daggers back into a bow she shot a freezing arrow into the abdomen of the demon just as it got into range of the Seeker. Catching the demon’s attention, Kallian shot three more arrows causing it to collapse back into the earth. The Seeker gave her a smile that Kallian chose to interpret as confused-yet-grateful and plunged her sword into the demon in front of her.

Kallian watched as Solas used Fade energy to crush the penultimate demon and Cassandra crushed the final one into a rock with a shield charge. 

With all the foes vanquished, the Seeker searched the battlefield for any more dangers. Her pupils narrowed as she saw the spectral bow in Kallian’s hand.

“Drop your weapons!” Cassandra commanded with a raised sword. Kallian instantly dropped into an offensive stance facing the Seeker ready to pounce with an arrow knocked on the bowstring.

“You’re welcome for saving your life, Seeker,” Kallian hissed, teeth bared. “Do you really think I need this staff to use my magic? Unless you mean my bow? If that’s the case, I would love to see you try and take it from me.”

Cassandra looked her up and down, lowering her sword hesitantly, “Point taken, elf. Keep the staff.” Then as an after thought she added, “Thank you. I should remember you are here willingly.” 

As unbelievable as it was, Kallian thought she saw budding respect in the woman’s eyes.

The group clambered out of the creek bed and continued on the path up the incline. Walking around a corner in the path, they came upon a group of soldiers being overwhelmed by demons. There were more of the vile creatures appearing out of a green crystalline object that hovered above the ground. That must be a rift. Are they expecting me to know how to get rid of that?

Amongst the soldiers was a red-haired dwarf with a strange crossbow. In the short time she was able to observe him he did not miss one time. She could hear the dwarf yell, “Nice work, Bianca!” after each demon fell. Who names a crossbow? And talks to it like a lover?

A faint line of light connected her hand to the rift above them, accompanied by a twist of pain. Focusing on the Rift, Kallian tried to figure out what she is supposed to do with it. 

She felt a gentle touch on her hand and stiffened instantly. She is about to jerk it away from whoever thought to touch her when she heard Fen’harel whisper, “Da’fen, you need to trust me.” 

Solas raised her arm up and pointed it at the Rift, yelling, “Quickly, before more come through!” The line connecting her hand to the Rift grew brighter. The cristaline branches started to break off exposing the rip in the fabric of the Fade. The thread from her hand started to cross over the rip, connecting the two sides and pulling them back together.

The pain radiating down her arm was almost enough to make Kallian pass out. Black dots swam in her vision, threatening to overtake her. Solas’ arm wrapped around her, supporting her weight as just before her legs gave out.

The pain lessened slightly as the Rift closed, her connection to it severing. Kallian’s vision returned slowly as Solas lowered her onto her hands and knees. If there had been anything in her stomach it would have come up. Instead she just dry heaved until the taste of bile sat on her tongue. As she stood, Cassandra offered her a waterskin and a steadying arm. Offering the Seeker a guarded smile, she swished out her mouth, spitting onto the cobblestone ground.

“It seems you hold the key to our salvation.” Cassandra looked at her hand.

“Guess you're glad you didnt kill me then,” Kallian pulled the sarcasm around her like a blanket.

“Good to know. Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever.” The red-headed dwarf swaggered over to their little group. “Is this her, Cassie? The lone survivor?” 

“She can speak for herself, you know?” Kallian spat, tired of people talking about her like she wasn’t there.

“She’s fiery. Just like you, Seeker” the dwarf said with a wink in the imposing woman’s direction, earning a scoff in response. 

“If you're quite done, Varric,” Cassandra spit the name out like it would burn her if she took too long, “we should be on our way.”

“Oh Cassie, I would have thought we could be friends by now given all we’ve been through.” This earned him a scowl in response. 

Much to Cassandra’s chagrin, and Kallian’s amusement, the dwarf joined their group up the mountain. He was constantly teasing the Seeker, bringing some much needed light to their sober party.

After what felt like hours they approached the remains of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Kallian was momentarily speechless, guilt and shame making all other thought impossible. I failed here. I could have prevented the explosion, saved the Divine... 

“We shall have to find a way down,” Cassandra announced, breaking the silence that had fallen on the group. Kallian began to scan the temple, searching for any way down that wouldn’t involve them jumping off the ledge. 

From behind them she heard Leliana call out, “Thank the Maker, you made it!”

Without pause Cassandra issued orders like a practiced commander.“Lilliana, you and your scouts take up position to cover our backs. I expect to face some resistance while trying to close it,” Kallian admired the easy command the woman had; if the circumstances were different, perhaps they may have been friends.

Cassandra led them through the mangled husk of the Temple carefully picking her way through the rubble. They found the final staircase to the temple floor when voices started coming out of the rift. 

“Bring forth the sacrifice” an ominous voice called out.

“That must be whoever created the Rift” Solas said, making eye contact with Kallian, “the Fade is bleeding into our world.”

“What does that mean, Solas?” Cassandra asked, looking at the mage. 

“It means,” he sighed before continuing, “it means we are likely hearing what happened right before the explosion.”

Kallian heard the warning in his words but pushed on anyway ignoring it. There was very little they could do now. He couldn’t expect her to listen to him after he had clearly hidden so many parts of the plan from her. What is going to happen will happen. I will just lie my way out of this, too. 

The path down through the building had been dotted with spires of a strange perversion of lyrium, glowing red rather than blue, the largest of which came out of the temple floor in front of them. She could recognize the song the lyrium hummed into the air but there was something very wrong about it. Varric seemed particularly troubled to be seeing it here, naming it “red lyrium” in a more serious voice than Kallian had heard him use. 

“Hold the sacrifice still” the voice commanded. 

“Somebody, help me!” a lightly accented female this time.

The Seeker’s face drained of color. “That's Divine Justinia’s voice.”

The group jumped down, finally reaching the bottom of the temple. Suddenly they could see the figures talking as well as hear them, gastly projections in tones of green coming from the Rift. The mark on Kallian’s hand glowed and buzzed with the proximity to the Breach. 

“Somebody help me!” the Divine cried again.

“What’s going on in here?” Kallian closed her eyes at the sound of her own voice. All hope of plausible deniability gone. She opened them to see the apparition of herself run into view. 

Cassandra gasped and looked to Kallian. “That’s you. The Divine called out to you. Why? How were you there?” 

“I don’t know, Cassandra” she could feel her voice harden. Kallian looked at Solas out of the corner of her eye and made eye contact with the elf. Don’t panic, his eyes seemed to say when they met hers. Easy for you to say. Fenedhis. She doesn’t hold your life in her hands.

“Run while you can. Warn them!” the Divine called to her. Kallian had to swallow down the guilt that threatened to choke her. She had failed.

“We have an intruder” from the ominous shadowy form standing above them all. “Slay the elf” 

In a flash of light the shapes disappeared. The Seeker started to pepper Kallian with questions and she felt the guilt be replaced by anger, “I don’t fucking remember!”

Kallian’s rage was tempered by a flash of green followed by a shot of pain up her arm. A massive pride demon summoned from the Fade landed in a kneel preparing to attack.   
Leaving the demon to Varric, Cassandra, and Solas, Kallian ran around it and held her hand up towards the Rift like Solas had done. 

A burst of pain rolled down her arm as threads connected her hand to the Rift. Wrapping the rock-like tendrils with the string, Kallian felt the impulse to pull her arm back. As she did the rocks shattered and the threads contracted to confine the rift, temporarily subduing it.

Kallian whipped around to assist the others with the pride demon. She watched the demon fall to its knees as the Rift was suppressed. Cassandra was using the momentary distraction to hack at the demon. Using the staff Solas had thrown her earlier, Kallian sent a round of ice bolts at it, grunting when she realized the staff was not powerful enough to freeze the demon solid. 

She was preparing to send a fireball, when she felt the Rift break out of its bindings and reform the crystalline armor. She turned to begin the process of breaking down the armor again to subdue the Rift. By now, much of her mana and stamina had been drained by the long fight and Kallian had to rely on her staff to hold up the majority of her weight.

The subsequent stun of the demon that occurred when she tamed the Rift was enough for Cassandra, Varric, and Solas to banish the demon.

“Now, Kallian!” Solas shouted, pointing at the rift that was no longer spitting green light. Instead she faced a wound in the fabric of the Veil similar to the one she had closed earlier. The last of the corruption had been cleared when the demon died. 

With the last of her energy, she held her hand up to it and screamed as pain lanced down her arm through the rest of her body. Looking up, she saw threads stitching across the gap repairing the hole in the fabric of the Fade. Pulling her arm back pulled the stitches tight.

When the Rift closed, the beam of light connecting the Breach and the earth retracted up into the sky. A loud crack sounded as the connection was severed. The noise traveled as a shock wave through the Temple, throwing Kallian’s weakened body back into the rubble with a sickening crunch. Her vision faded to black as she heard Solas shout her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really enjoy Varric as a character and I am excited to see where he goes!
> 
> Elvhen translations:  
> Ma serranas - my thanks  
> arani - friend  
> Da'fen - little wolf


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kallian gets used to Haven, meets the rest of the team. Planning for what comes next.

_ Kallian was forced to her hands and knees in front of the monster. His grunts pushed her over, kicking her in the back and ribs repeatedly for good measure.  _

_ The monster bent over her. She could feel his breath, hot against her face.  _

_ “The Dread Wolf tricked you, Kallian.” He grabbed her face, wrenching it up towards him. Agony wrenched through her torso. “He tricked you, and now you are going to die.” The monster started to laugh at her, “He threw you away like the trash you are.” _

_ He threw her back to the ground, raising his hand with the orb. The Divine cried out. _

_ The monster cackled as everything around them fell into chaos. Chucks of rock fell away around her until the only piece of the building that remained intact was the stone that Kallian lay on. People were screaming down stairs. Until they weren’t. One by one, the voices died out and there was silence.  _

_ The monster stood over her, leering. “You failed, Kallian.” Dragging her by the wrist, he pulled her into the Fade. _

~~~~~

“NO!” Kallian screamed, disoriented, sitting straight up in bed. She desperately looked around, searching for any clues as to where she was. The sparsely decorated room held very little by way of clues. The only furnishings being a bed, table, and a pitcher with a basin. 

Her sheets and clothes were stuck to her with a cold sweat. Peeling back the blankets, she swung her legs over the side of bed, intent on getting up. 

“Herald!” Cassandra burst through the door suddenly, causing Kallian to jump up to her feet and immediately lose her balance, falling back down again. 

“Is everything alright? I heard yelling.” The Seeker had a hand on her sword pommel, eyes scanning the room, searching for attackers. Not finding any, her eyes landed on Kallian, registering her clear distress.

“Herald?” Cassandra asked. Kallian, seeing the confusion in the Seeker's face, was losing patience with her. 

“Where the hell am I, Seeker?” Kallian demanded. 

“We are back in Haven.” She responded simply. 

Kallian took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Being impatient wasn’t going to get her anywhere. “What happened?” She asked, hoping for a more thorough answer. 

“You were able to stabilize the Breach, but we failed to close it. Afterwards, a shock wave threw you into a wall. That was two days ago.” Cassandra flinched as if the memory itself was painful.

_I’ve_ _been asleep for two days?_ Kallian almost didn’t believe her, but the memories of the battle lived in the bruises on her back.

“What do you mean ‘stabilized the Breach’?”

“Well, we didn’t close it, but as far as we can tell it is no longer at risk of getting bigger.” Cassandra said, moving over to a window, looking up at the sky. “Your mark seems to have stabilized, too.”

Sure enough, Kallian looked at her hand and the bright green wound had faded into a smaller, pale green scar. Even though there was still a faint glow, it was no longer pulsating like a heartbeat. There was no more crippling pain radiating up her arm at unpredictable intervals. 

Leliana walked into the room, evidently attracted by the noise of them talking. 

“Herald,” she said with a smile, “You are awake.”

“Herald?” Kallian asked. “Why do you two keep calling me Herald?”

“Well-” Leliana started, “the story of the woman pulling you out of the Fade, along with how the Anchor, your mark, is the one thing that could stabilize the Breach and close rifts, has led some people to think you were sent by the Maker. As a result, many have adopted the title ‘the Herald of Andraste’ for you.”

Kallian looked up at the two women in disbelief, waiting for the women to see the irony in the situation. When it became obvious that this was not going to happen, she stated, “I am not even Andrastian!” There had to be things that were being left out.

“Details, details.” Leliana said, waving off her concern. 

“Seems like an  _ important  _ detail,” Kallian shot back. She was not going to be brushed off like that.

“When we failed to close the Breach,” Cassandra took a deep breath before continuing, “our people needed hope. The story of the woman pulling you to safety spread. At some point someone said the woman was Andraste. Leliana came up with the title ‘Herald of Andraste’ after that. It has been more of a rallying cry.” Cassandra had a light flush in her cheeks.

A scout peeked their head into the cabin and handed Leliana a note. 

“Pardon me, Herald. I must go see to this,” She said after a quick glance. “I will see you at the war table meeting.”

“Meeting?” Kallian asked the now empty doorway. Her focus shifted to Cassandra.

“To decide what to do next,” Cassandra answered simply, as if that was supposed to clear up any confusion she might have.

Kallian was still confused when Cassandra excused herself a few moments later to go prepare for morning exercises with the soldiers. The warrior’s exit gave her a chance to see the light just beginning to kiss the eastern horizon. 

With the hope that fresh air would calm her mind, she walked out of the cabin into the brisk morning. Strapping her staff to her back, she went down the road out the front gates. 

Just outside the town, the path immediately forked in three directions. To the left, it ran along the side of the town past the blacksmith. Straight ahead, it led down to the banks of a frozen lake before twisting off into the distance, likely headed towards the next township. To the right, there was a collection of white tents, weapons stands, training dummies, and open practice rings. In the middle of the camp, Cassandra stood talking to a large imposing man in a fur mantle. 

Grabbing a bow from one of the weapon stands, Kallian caught Cassandra’s eyes. The Seeker raised an eyebrow at her in question. Kallian responded by waving her bow at the forest.  _ I just need some space, not running away. You gave me the impression I was no longer a prisoner. _

The Seeker responded with a nod, as if she could hear Kallian’s train of thought. Their silent interaction drew the attention of the man she was talking to. He turned just in time to see Kallian grab a quiver off the stand. He seemed to cock his head in a silent question, but quickly dismissed it. From a distance, Kallian could see he was a handsome man, with a warrior’s build. _ Well, he’s handsome for a shemlen, anyway.  _

Slinging the bow and quiver over her shoulder, Kallian turned back towards the woods. A morning hunt was exactly what she needed to clear her head.

Hunting had always been her way to cope. She’d often retreated to the woods when she had a particularly bad day, normally coming back after a few hours with some game for the clan’s dinner. After Keeper Deshanna told her Danyla was dead, she hunted for a week straight. Afterwards she returned to her camp, wrapped in furs, covered in blood, and carrying enough food to last her clan two weeks. 

As she entered the wooded area, the rushing thoughts began to subside and the hunter took over. 

* * *

_ Abominations surrounded him. He had been stuck in this cage for what felt like weeks but had only been a day at most. One by one each of his friends had been overtaken by demons and died, until only he was left, stuck in a cage, just below the Harrowing chamber.  _

_ Maker’s breath, the sounds that were coming out of the Harrowing chamber.  _

_ Cullen blinked and he wasn’t in the cage anymore. He was standing in a Circle tower. One that was at peace. Mages and templars getting along perfectly. Reading books, having discussions and joking, and even performing magic without being under a stranglehold. And, as he looked down at himself, he was wearing the armor of a Knight-Commander. _ This isn’t real. It’s just a demon trying to get in my head.

_ Suddenly the vision changed again. He was in a house, standing over the victims of blood magic. A woman and her three children, all slaughtered for no good reason.  _

_ “Don’t you want to kill the mage responsible for this?” a smooth voice started speaking behind him.  _

~~~~~

“NO!” Cullen woke up after yet another nightmare. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten a full night’s sleep without one. Through the canvas of his tent, he could see the sky getting lighter. Although it was still before dawn, it was as good of a time as any to get up. 

After splashing his face with bracing water, he started to pull his armor on. Once satisfied that he looked presentable, he ducked out of the tent. Cassandra was already at the table, going over the troop assignments, when he walked up to her. 

“Cullen,” she said, giving him an appraising look, “you look tired.”

“Nightmare,” he responded, knowing it would be a sufficient explanation. 

“I wish you would reconsider asking Adan to make a sleeping draught.”

He waved her off. “They make it too difficult for me to run morning exercises. I’m fine”

Looking back at the Seeker, he noticed she wasn’t paying attention. Rather she was looking at something behind him and raising an eyebrow in question.

“Cassandra?” he asked. She nodded and Cullen decided to see what was so interesting behind him. 

Turning he caught the eye of the young elven mage Cassandra had been fighting alongside with two days prior. The newly dubbed “Herald of Andraste.” He could see that she was studying him intensely, her large green eyes boring into him. Her hair was braided away from her face showing the shaved sides of her head. She was pretty.  _ For a mage anyway,  _ he thought to himself.

She had a staff strapped to her back, but she was grabbing a bow and quiver from the weapons stand. The barracks had been buzzing with the rumor that she was a knight-enchanter, but rather than a spectral sword, she fought with a bow or daggers.  _ So why is she grabbing weapons?  _

Cullen was about to call out and ask her when he thought better of it. She clearly had hoped to get out of town and into the woods unnoticed. 

Turning back to Cassandra, “Should we be worried about her running away?”

“I doubt it. She fought by my side willingly even after I threatened to kill her.” She paused for a moment, then continued, “I have a feeling if she really didn’t want to be seen leaving town, we wouldn’t have seen her.”

* * *

After a few hours of unsuccessful hunting, but very successful herb gathering, Kallian emerged from the woods with a clearer head. She walked towards the training grounds, where soldiers ran drills under the careful eye of the handsome man from earlier. Across the way, Kallian could see Cassandra swinging at a practice dummy. To her own surprise, Kallian actually found the clang of sword hitting sword or shield soothing. 

This small amount of peace was ruined when a messenger greeted her at the entrance of the training grounds. 

“Lady Herald,” the messenger gave a quick bow, missing Kallian’s flinch at the new title. “Sister Nightingale and Ambassador Montilyet are requesting your presence in the war room.” Noticing Kallian’s confused expression, she added, “in the back of the Chantry building, my lady.”

“Yes.” Kallian said apprehensively, “thank you.” She dropped the bow and quiver back in their places.The messenger turned and left her, running off into the training camp to deliver more messages. 

Kallian looked up at the Chantry building and took a deep breath to steady herself.  _ Good thing I went out this morning. It will be good to have a clear head when interacting with the shemlen. _

Beginning her walk through the small town, she noticed the behavior of those around her had changed drastically. Rather than the death glares she had experienced two days before, everyone she passed would stop and bow or salute her with one arm across their chest. With each passing encounter, she could feel a blush rise into her cheeks and the tips of her ears. 

“Herald!” Kallian’s distracted thoughts were broken by Leliana’s voice. She had clearly been waiting at the entrance of the building for her. “I trust you had a nice morning in the woods?” Leliana started to walk through the door, looking back like she was waiting for Kallian to follow.

“I did. How did you know?”  _ Do I have a tail on me? Surely I would have noticed if anyone had followed me, but if her agents were as good as she is...  _

Kallian, suddenly unsure about her status in camp, followed. The unasked question seemed to hang in the pregnant silence.

“My agents watch the borders of camp, I know of everyone who comes in or goes out.” Leliana was nonchalant in her answer adding almost as an afterthought, “Don’t worry, no one is specifically watching you.”

Kallian was now sure that her first impression of the woman was correct, she was not to be underestimated. As much as it made her wary of the women, it made her want to befriend Leliana. _ At least then I may have some control over the information she gets about me.  _ Kallian thought as she moved through the temple. 

They walked into a room, directly opposite from the front door, dominated by a massive table. The tabletop was covered with a map of Thedas, dimly illuminated by high windows and a handful of candles lining the edges. Placed across the map were small figurines of the Eye of Truth combined with the Sword of Mercy. Kallian picked one up to examine it closer.

“The sigil of the Inquisition of old,” Leliana provided, giving Kallian a small smile when she looked up. Kallian tilted her head, mind buzzing with questions, but not knowing where to start. 

Sensing this, Leliana continued on, “We are calling this our War Room. This is where we,” she gestured to herself and Kallian, “and a few other advisors will be coordinating the movements of our forces.”  _ This must be the meeting she had mentioned earlier. _

At that moment, Cassandra and a man in a Chantry uniform burst into the room yelling at each other. Seeing that the room was already occupied, they paused, looking at Leliana and Kallian. 

Recognizing Kallian, the man pointed at her, declaring, “Guards! Restrain her. I want her ready to transport to Val Royeaux as soon as possible.”

“Disregard that order!” Cassandra said, making the guards step back. Kallian could see the battle for control being waged by the pair. Eventually, Cassandra seemed to win, so the man changed tactics. 

“You walk a dangerous line, Seeker.” He seethed, taking a threatening step forward.

She met him step for step, not willing to be intimidated. “The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I  _ will not  _ ignore it.” 

Seeing her moment to step in and defend herself, Kallian said, “I did everything I could to close the Breach. It almost killed me.” Cassandra looked at her with veiled appreciation. 

“And yet you still live. A convenient result as far as you’re concerned,” he seethed, hate clear in his eyes. At this, Kallian thought, _ And yet you didn’t even help? You were never in danger. That's  _ convenient _. _

“Have a care, Chancellor. The Breach is not the only threat we face,” Cassandra said menacingly. 

“Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave, someone Most Holy didn’t expect.” Leliana regarded the man coolly. “Perhaps they died with the others. Or have allies that yet live.” The accusation was clear in her voice.

The Chancellor was incredulous. “Me! A suspect!”

“You.” Leliana said, not flinching at his raised tone. “And many others.” 

“But not the  _ prisoner _ ,” he spat in Kallian’s direction.  _ I was a suspect,  _ the  _ suspect.  _ Kallian wished she could talk back to the man without it being detrimental to the cause.

“I heard the voices in the Temple. The Divine called to her for help,” Cassandra said just as Kallian was going to jump in to defend herself.

“Her survival, that thing on her hand, all a coincidence.” The man was stubborn, Kallian had to give him that. 

“Providence,” Cassandra corrected. “The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour.”

“You realize I am Dalish,” Kallian said, uncomfortable.  _ If they knew who Solas was, would they still trust me so much? Doubtful. _

“I have not forgotten.” Cassandra shot back. “No matter who you are or what you believe, you are exactly what we needed, when we needed it.” She shot Kallian a glare that told her it was not an opportune time to be bringing up that particular fact.

“The Breech remains a threat and the Anchor is the only thing we can use to close it,” Leliana said, trying to redirect the conversation. 

“What gives you the right, the  _ authority, _ to deci-,” the Chancellor was interrupted by Cassandra slamming a thick book onto the table. It was leather bound with metal studs and a strap holding it closed. Kallian could see the symbol of the Chantry on the cover. When it hit the table, she could feel the impact in her bones. She wasn’t the only one. She watched the Chancellor jump back like Cassandra was going to hit him with the book next.

“Do you know what this is, Chancellor?” Cassandra pointed at the book. The man shook his head, too afraid to speak. “A writ from the Divine, giving me the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.” Cassandra started walking toward the Chancellor, causing him to step back in fear. “We will close the Breach, find those responsible, and restore order, with or without your approval.”

In what little time Kallian knew the Seeker, she never thought the woman would willingly go against the Chantry in anything. Although she hoped that it would not go that far, Kallian was impressed. They had enough to deal with, without having to fight the Chantry every step of the way. 

At Cassandra’s declaration, the Chancellor all but ran from the room, almost bowling over two people who were coming in.

“Now that  _ he  _ is dealt with,” Leliana smiled at the handsome man and the Antivan woman as they entered, taking places around the table, “this is Cullen, Commander of the Inquisition’s forces.” He gave Kallian a nod of acknowledgement, candlelight shining off his polished armor. 

“And this is our ambassador, Josephine Montilyet.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Herald.” She said in a rich Antivan accent. 

“Good to meet you both.” Kallian responded with a nod, trying to hide her confusion as to why she was there.

Everyone looked at each other, unsure of who was supposed to speak first. Finally, Cassandra took up the mantle, “We think it prudent for you to go to the Hinterlands. We have heard reports of a large number of refugees gathered in the area. It would be a good place to start recruiting, and good for morale if they could see the Herald of Andraste.”

Kallian started to look around at each person in turn, very confused, hoping anyone would tell her what was going on.

“There have also been reports that Mother Giselle is with the refugees” Leliana added quickly.

“Oh, it would be very useful for us to recruit a Revered Mother.” Josephine added, “My friends in Orleis tell me that the Chantry insists we are heretics. Having Mother Giselle could only help on that front.”

Cassandra put a hand to the bridge of her nose, clearly frustrated. “I’ve told the Exalted Council that the Divine gave me orders to start the Inquisition. But do they listen? No.”

“Herald,” Leliana continued, “I have already sent scouts to the area to set up a forward camp. They will be waiting for you there.” Then as an afterthought, “If you should you wish to go.”

“Wait,” Kallian finally spoke up, “why are you talking to me like I am in charge of all this?” She gestured at the table in front of her.

Kallian watched them all look at each other until finally Cassandra spoke up.

“You carry the Anchor, and people see you as the Chosen of Andraste. You are going to be integral in the future of the Inquisition; it would not feel right to make decisions without you.”

Kallian nodded hesitantly. This must be why Fen’Harel wanted her here _. He must want an agent on the council. But why couldn't he do it himself? _

“So, the Hinterlands?” She said, finally. Kallian learned a long time ago there was no use in arguing with shemlen who have made up their minds.  _ If they wanted me to help lead, then I guess I’ll help lead. _

“Yes,” Cullen jumped in. “I would ask that you speak with Horse-Master Dennet while you are there. We could use mounts for more of our troops.”

“Refugees, Mother Giselle, and Horse-Master.” Kallian looked at them each in turn. “Anything else?” She hoped they would say no. The meeting had negated all the peace of mind she had gained that morning. 

“Not as of yet,” Josephine responded. Kallian let out a small sigh of relief.

“We should leave in a few days; give Varric, Solas, and yourself time to prepare.” Cassandra looked at her, awaiting confirmation. Noticing this, Kallian nodded in response. 

One by one the advisors left the room, leaving Kallian alone. She braced herself on the table, taking deep breaths to calm her mind. She blinked away the tears of frustration that were threatening to spill and pushed away from the table.  _ He could have warned me about any of this.  _ Turning towards the door, she straightened her jacket and walked out.

~~~~~

That night, Kallian opened her eyes in the Fade to find Fen’Harel was sitting next to her. Good, she was not interested in playing games today.

“Explain.” Kallian commanded as soon as they made eye contact. 

“I’m sorry, Kallian. I couldn’t tell you the whole plan.”

She narrowed her eyes, “Why not?” 

“These plans are too big. They have been in the works for hundreds of years.There is simply too much at stake,” he said, looking at her with so much sincerity. Kallian thought she could see fear in his eyes; fear that his plans would fall through. She felt the anger slip away. She suddenly felt rather ridiculous, like a child throwing a tantrum. Who was she to question his plans?

“Ir abelas, Fen’harel. I should know better than to doubt you.” She felt the burn of shame on her cheeks. 

“I know, Kallian,” he placed a light kiss on her forehead. “Everything will be alright. I just need you to trust me. Do you trust me?” His arms wrapped around her and whispered, “there is no plan, no reason, without you there with me.”

She relaxed into his embrace, “Of course I trust you.”

After some time he said quietly, “what else do you have questions about?”

Kallian, suddenly remembering herself, asked, “just one thing: If I was asleep for two days, why did I never see you in the Fade?” She moved her head to look up at him.

“I was under the impression that you would not want to see me, not after everything that happened,” he answered. “I just wanted to make you happy. I figured if you wanted to see me, you would find me.” 

“I was having a nightmare. The same one over and over. The monster telling me you lied, saying I failed.” Kallian could feel the tears creeping into her eyes at the memory. “I had to listen to all those people die-,” her voice gave out. She cleared her throat, “If you had been there, I could have found my way out. I needed you to be there.” She finally gave in to the sobs she had been repressing.

“It’s ok, Kallian. I’m here now,” he kissed the top of her head again. 

~~~~~

The next day was a blur of meetings with the blacksmith, apothecary, and the requisitions officer, collecting a list of resources to gather while in the Hinterlands. They were leaving the next day, so preparations were happening quickly. 

Exhausted after her full day, Kallian walked into the tavern in the hopes of finding a hot dinner, and afterwards collapsing in her bed in preparation for their planned early morning departure. 

“Herald!” Varric drew her attention away from the bar to a table in the corner. _I am going to have to put an end to this Herald business,_ she thought as she ordered food and drink from the barmaid. Walking over with an ale and a bowl of stew, she took the seat next to him.

“Please Varric, of the love of the Creators, do not call me that.” Kallian said with an eye roll and a trace of a smirk. 

“What, then? Life is too short and Kallian is too long. Got any nicknames?”

“Not really,” Kallian chuckled, “Dalish clans dont really have nicknames. And it's not like ‘Herald’ is much shorter.” 

“You are not wrong there,” Varric laughed. “I suppose I will have to come up with one, then.” There was a cunning look in his eye. “Kallie, Kal, Lian,” he tested out each name, grimacing at the last one. “No, not Lian”

“It doesn’t matter to me, Varric.” She yawned, definitely too tired to get into a verbal sparring match with the dwarf.

“Kal it is. It’s only temporary anyway.”

“Temporary?” Kallian repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, until I get to know you better. Get you something more suitable like Curly, Sassy, and Chuckles” he smiled at her apparent confusion. “Our fearless Commander, Cullen, is Curly.”

“Curly?”

“I knew him before he discovered pomade,” he winked at her, “Cassandra is Sassy, ‘cause I know it bugs her.” Kallian laughed after each nickname. 

“And finally, Solas, our friendly neighborhood apostate, is Chuckles because he seems like he could use a laugh.”

Kallian’s smile faltered at the last one knowing that the man in question would not like it.

“Hey, it’s all just fun and games, Kal,” he responded to the look she gave.  _ I’m sure it is going to seem like all fun and games when I face the brunt of his wrath about it. _

“I know, I was just lost in thought.” Shaking her head slightly to clear it. In an attempt to change the subject, she said, “I want to ask you something.” 

“Shoot."

“How did you end up here? With the Inquisition?”

“I knew Cassie and Curly from before, in Kirkwall. I was friends with the bastard who blew up the Chantry, or at least I thought we were friends. I got picked up there.” His voice was quieter now, his normal sarcasm and jovial attitude fading away.

Kallian was shocked, ale stuck in her throat. Her clan had been close to Kirkwall when the Gallows fell. Although she had not been in the city when it happened, she had heard enough to shudder at the thought of witnessing such events. 

“Varric, I’m so sorry.”

“Eh,” he shrugged, brushing past the topic with a practiced air, “it is what it is.” 

He took a deep breath and continued. “I met Curly while he was working in the Gallows. He was Knight-Commander Meredith’s second in command.”

“The Commander was a templar? In the Gallows?” Kallian’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“You mean you can’t tell? You can always spot a templar by the stick up their butt.” Kallian laughed, dispelling some of the tension in her body.

Varric laughed with her before continuing, “Our relationship was tenuous, to say the least. He had the best intentions, but his idealism led him to follow the orders of a crazy bigot.” 

Varric looked at her, a deep sorrow in his eyes. “After hearing from Leliana about his previous experiences, I can’t say I blame him too much.”

“What past experiences?” Kallian was genuinely curious.  _ What could possibly have happened to make someone blindly follow a monster like Meredith? _

“That is not my story to tell, Kal. You will have to ask him that.” Varric nodded in the direction of the door. She turned and saw the Commander had come to search for dinner as well. He looked in their direction and Varric waved him over. “He helped us in the end. He’s a good man, a great leader. He took over the Gallows after Meredith, a job no one else wanted.” 

Cullen made it through the crowd to their table and took one of the empty seats. “Cassandra was planning on joining me. I hope that’s okay with both of you?” He was looking at Varric when he asked, as if only really asking him.

Kallian nodded at him, draining the last of her ale, and Varric grunted his assent. 

“I was just telling Kal here how we met.” Varric gestured to Cullen. Kallian watched as a blush rose up to the Commander’s cheeks.  _ He must not have wanted Varric to tell me. Did he not want me to know he was a templar? _ A waitress walked by, setting another mug of ale in front of Kallian.

“Probably with a few embellishments, knowing you,” Cullen said. Kallian saw a forced smile appear on his face. His eyes betraying his true emotion, dread. What was he so afraid of her knowing?

“Embellishments?” Varric scoffed. “Curly, I’m offended, I would never embellish.” He brought a hand up to his chest in mock horror. Kallian could not suppress the small laugh at the man’s antics. Cullen’s cheeks turned a brighter shade of red. “Don’t sweat too much, nothing bad.” Kallian recognized the reassuring smile Varric gave to Cullen.  _ As much as he makes fun of everyone, Varric would be a good friend.  _

“What about Cassie? How’d she get here?” Kallian asked, the easy nickname for the Seeker rolling of her tongue. She was feeling her own blush creeping into her cheeks from the drink. 

“What about me?” Cassie seemed to appear out of nowhere, over Cullen’s shoulder. Kallian jumped in surprise and tried to disguise it by taking a drink. 

“I was just telling our  _ Herald  _ here about how we all met.” 

“Varric.” Kallian shot a warning his way when he used the title and he gave a wink in response. 

“Oh, I would love to hear how you spin this story.” Cassie plopped down into her chair and crossed her arms. 

“Why is everyone accusing me of changing my stories?,” Varric said, clearly annoyed at the Seeker’s accusation. Kallian shrugged at him.

Varric made a show of settling in, as if he was telling a group of children a fairy tale. “Sassy and I met shortly after the events of the mage rebellion in Kirkwall. I was acquainted with some of the  _ involved _ parties.”

“Acquainted,” Cassie snorted, “you were complicit.”

Varric continued as if he couldn’t hear her.“After the Divine asked our Seeker here to start the Inquisition, she was looking for someone to lead it. Naturally, the Champion of Kirkwall came to mind. Cassie thought I would know where she was. She brought me in and we had some  _ friendly  _ conversations about where Hawke could be.” 

Kallian felt the atmosphere of the table shift, something Varric had just said made Cassie mad.

“I still think you know where she is,” Cassie snapped.  _ There it is.  _

“I don’t.” Varric leveled a stare at the warrior. “When I was unable to satisfy the Seeker’s curiosity, I offered my services to the noble cause.”

“‘Offered’ is a strong word to describe it.”

The two of them did not break eye contact, seeming determined to wait for the other to flinch. Kallian looked in between them, unsure of what to do. 

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Cullen cleared his throat and broke the silence, “What about you, Herald? How did you end up at the Conclave?”

Kalian felt all the blood run out of her face. She was now deeply regretting the ale and the way she lowered her guard at Varric’s easy joking. Before speaking she took a deep breath and schooled her expression. She had a suspicion that this would have to be a good lie to convince the Seeker and Varric.

“Our clan was traveling through the Free Marshes, close to Kirkwall, when the Gallows fell. We heard that the Exalted Council was calling a meeting to try to prevent a war. The head of my clan sent me to listen and bring back any news that may affect us.” She hoped they would leave it there.

“What news would affect the Dalish?” Varric asked. Kallian sighed internally. Of course they wouldn’t leave it there

“Well, every clan has a few mages,” Kallian carefully answered the question without revealing too much. The Dalish mages were the lifeblood of a clan. She was not going to answer fully with at least one templar listening. “They help preserve our traditions and culture as well as lead the clan. In the past, we have had a few run ins with, um-” she trailed off, glancing at the Commander. 

“Templars?” Varric provided helpfully. 

“Yes, with templars. Normally we stay away from human settlements unless it is absolutely necessary. Sometimes sh-  _ humans _ ,” she corrected, “hear of Dalish clans camped nearby and get nervous. Many clans have lost mages due to these  _ encounters _ .” 

Shaking away the sadness in her voice,“I was to observe the Conclave to see if there were any plans to bring Dalish mages into the circles.” Like many of her lies so far, this one was mostly the truth, and where it wasn’t, it was vague. 

The table grew quiet as they all looked at her. Cassie was looking at her with shock.  _ That makes sense, I basically just told her I was a spy.  _ Cullen had blushed, his face held a strange expression that Kallian did not recognize. Varric’s face held a smirk.  _ I wonder what that’s all about?  _ Kallian thought to herself..

“Our Herald of Andraste started out as a Dalish spy.” He laughed in delight. “I couldn’t come up with better irony if I tried.” 

Kallian blushed again. “That’s one way to put it,” she whispered quietly, hoping the subject was changed soon.

“Are you anxious to return to your clan, Herald?” Cassie asked, trying to be empathetic.

“Not really.” They all seemed shocked by this admission. Kallian quickly explained, “I was always an outcast in my clan. There is only one person I will truly miss.”

“Oh,” Varric said. A quick glance around the table showed that their faces all matched. They all pitied her.

Kallian grimaced, uncomfortable with the situation. She needed to get away before they asked more, “We will be leaving for the Hinterlands early in the morning. I should probably be going.”

“I’ll walk you, Herald.” Cullen began to stand up. 

“You don’t have to do that, Commander. Really.”

“It’s no trouble. I need to head out anyway.”

They walked out into the brisk evening air and began along the path to her cabin. 

Just as she convinced herself that they would spend the whole walk in an awkward silence, Cullen broke it. “We’ve received a number of recruits - locals from Haven and some pilgrims.” He turned to look at her with golden eyes, “none made quite the entrance you did.”

She met his gaze. “At least I got everyone’s attention,” trying to diffuse the strange tension she felt in the air between them.  _ It’s just because he is a templar and I’m a mage. _

“That you did,” he laughed. “I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall, myself. As Varric told you, I was there during the mage uprising. I have seen first hand the dangers of magic.”

Was he really trying to justify his anti-mage stance to  _ her _ , a  _ mage _ ?

“Commander, you don’t have to explain why you don’t like mages to me. I understand. I’ve met templars before.” Kallian looked down at the ground, hoping a hole would open up that she could drop into.

“No!” She could hear the horror in his voice. “That is not at all what I meant. I just want you to know more of how I got here than what Varric may have told you.”

Looking up, she nodded for him to continue.

“Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the templars to join her cause.”

That made Kallian stop in her tracks.  _ He had fully left the order? Renounced the title? I didn’t know people could do that. _

Kallian could not contain her curiosity, she didn’t think that was possible. “Why did you leave the templars?”

“I saw vthe dangers of the templars, too,” he practically whispered. Kallian saw the demons in his eyes. “I realized I would never be able to change the order from the inside. I would rather not be a templar than be complicit again.”

Clearly hoping to change the subject, he said, “Now it seems we face something far worse.”

“I hope I am able to help.” She hated the insecurity in her voice. She took a deep breath to settle herself. She shouldn't be letting the nightmares affect her like this.  _ The Dread Wolf says he trusts me. He needs me.  _

“From what little I have seen you fight, I have no doubt that you will be able to help.” A tender edge had creeped into the Commander’s voice.

She blushed under the compliment, her stomach fluttering slightly, “Thank you.” He smiled at her.  _ What was that? Was he flirting with her? _

“Provided we can gain allies, I have no doubt of our success.” He sighed, forging on, “as it is right now, the Chantry lost control of both templars and mages. Now they are arguing over a new Divine while the Breach remains a threat. We can act when the Chantry cannot. Our followers would be part of that.” 

Kalian could tell he was passionate about their cause. His confidence was reassuring.

“There’s so much we can -,” he stopped abruptly. “Forgive me. I doubt you were expecting a lecture.”

“No, but if you have one prepared. I’d love to hear it.”  _ Fenedhis. _ Was she  _ flirting  _ with him? 

He laughed softly, and smiled at her. She could see a blush rising to his face. 

“Another time, perhaps,” he answered. 

She smiled in return, pleased with his reaction. 

“I, ah-” his hand crept up to rub the back of his neck. “There’s still a lot of work ahead.”

They had arrived at her door. “Thank you for walking me back, Commander.”

“My pleasure, Herald.” He turned and walked back down the path.

* * *

Cullen spent the whole walk back to his tent kicking himself. Why was it so hard to talk to her? She was just a mage, he shouldn’t be that flustered when he’s around her. 

He only felt attracted to her because the dregs of the lyrium in his body called to the magic in hers. 

But Maker, when she smiled at him, his stomach turned inside out.

He hadn’t noticed her tattoos before their conversation on the way to her cabin. Earlier in the day they had been made invisible by the sunlight, but under the moon the white ink almost glowed. A stylized arrow ran from her chin to in between her eyebrows, being drawn back from a bow that arced gracefully over her forehead. Coming off of the bow he could see two lines curving up the center of her brow bone, the outer edges of which were traced with drops. These lines echoed the ones found on her cheek bones. The fletching of the arrow on her chin also featured curved lines and dotting. The design was so beautiful it almost took his breath away. 

She was so beautiful. 

_ Maker’s breath. Pull yourself together. It’s just her magic calling to the lyrium.  _

* * *

Kallian was not surprised when she woke up in the Fade meadow. She knew that Fen’Harel would want to talk about their journey tomorrow. 

Before she saw him, she felt his presence, hostile and aggressive, behind her. 

“How was your stroll with our resident  _ Knight-Commander _ ?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Off to the Hinterlands next chapter. 
> 
> Elvhen translation  
> Ir Abelas - I am sorry  
> Fenedhis - wolf dick


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kallian and the inner circle start to fall into a rhythm in the Hinterlands. Varric notices that something is going on between Solas and Kallian.

“How was your stroll with our resident Knight-Commander?” he practically growled at her. 

She flinched. “What are you talking about?” she tilted her head. _Was that jealousy in your voice Fen_? she thought to herself, confused.

He shot her a look that gave her the feeling he had been watching her. No, she _knew_ he had been watching her. “You seemed rather friendly walking back from the tavern.”

“I was leaving at the same time as him and my cabin is on his way. It would have been weird to not walk together.” Her voice was rising. _Could he actually be jealous?_ she thought to herself. “He was just being polite.”

“I only want to look out for you. He is a templar. Templars are never just polite to people like us. A mage with magic as strong as yours needs to be careful, or the shem will steal it from you.”

“He isn’t a templar anymore.” Why was she so defensive about him?

“Does he still take lyrium?” He asked accusingly.

She thought for a moment. “I don’t know,” Kallian was quiet.

“You don’t know,” he scoffed. “That’s where they get their power. I thought you knew better. If he is still taking lyrium, he is a threat.”

“I know, I’m sorry Fen’Harel,” she looked away. She felt like a child who had been caught wandering too far away from camp. She should know better. “I will be more careful next time.”

Kallian couldn’t believe she had forgotten about the lyrium, even if only for the night. He had just seemed so sincere about wanting to explain himself to her. And there was a tortured look in his eye when he talked about his time with the templars. Whatever the events were that Varric did not want to tell her about, must have really affected him. But that didn’t mean she could forget the dangers that he could pose for her.

The older elf opened his arms to her and she ran into them. “I know you will,” he squeezed her tight against him, almost suffocatingly tight. “I only want to protect you, Kallian. Do what’s best for you.” His grip on her loosened slightly. Kallian looked up at him. “I care for you.”

“I know. Ir abelas, Fen’harel.”

“We must not let our guards down around any of the shemlen. You remember what they have done to our people. All the mages they have killed or stolen.” His eyes met hers, passion burning behind his gaze. “They are simply a necessity to the plan. If we could do it without them, I would not have brought you here.”

Kallian only nodded in response. She knew from experience, it was impossible to argue with him when he was like this. It was much easier to just agree and get it over with. His hold remained firm as if imprisoning her against him. Kallian blushed under the intensity of his gaze; he did not usually look at her like this. 

Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around her tighter, lifting her off the ground slightly, and pressed his lips to hers. It was as if Kallian lost all control of her body. She wanted to pull away but his arms held her tightly against him, preventing her from running away. Her arms pinned to her sides, Kallian was all but frozen in place. Her stomach twisted painfully. 

Her brain started screaming, _this is wrong. He should not be the one holding you like this_.

He took her apparent lack of resistance as an invitation to continue, tongue moving along the seam of her lips. Instinctively Kallian opened her mouth. He groaned in response, tongue dancing around hers. It felt like every nerve in her body was electrified with the awareness of his touch. Not the pleasant electricity that was described in books, but one that made her want to wrench her body away.

_Why am I resisting so much? He’s a god. Any other girl would be flattered. It would be foolish to pull away._

After what seemed like hours but was only a few moments, Kallian gained control over her arms again and put her hands on his chest. He tightened his grip around her, encouraged by her movement. Using all of her strength she pushed him away. 

“Kallian? Fenor?” He looked puzzled. 

Feeling a hot blush move into her cheeks, Kallian turned and ran into the woods.

~~~~~

It had been a full day of riding since they had left Haven in favor of the Hinterlands. Kallian was delaying giving the order to make camp, even as she started to doze off in the saddle. 

She’d kept her horse next to Varric’s or Cassie’s as much as she could, hoping to avoid being alone with Solas. So far this had been successful, but she feared it would not be the case once they made camp. He was going to try and talk to her about what had happened the night before, and Kallian did not want to think about it, let alone talk about it. Unfortunately, she could think about very little else.

“We should think about making camp soon, Herald.” Cassandra called out to her, pulling her out of the memory. The warrior spurred her horse to ride alongside Kallian and Varric. 

“Alright, we will stop at the next clearing.” Kallian tried to disguise the dread in her voice. _It is going to be much more difficult to avoid him in a camp._

She was in charge of tending the fire and beginning the stew that was to be their dinner. Solas was putting up wards to protect the camp in the night, and Varric and Cassie were collecting more firewood. She hoped in vain that collecting firewood would take less time than setting wards. With a flick of her wrist the flame grew and she set the pot above it to heat up.

Her hopes were dashed as soon as she heard him pad up behind her.

“You have been avoiding me, lethal’lan.” He spoke in a low tone, taking a spot next to her. 

“I have been distracted by the journey,” Kallian said, sighing. _I really don’t want to be having this conversation now. Or ever, really._ “I keep going over all the things that I am supposed to do before we can return to Haven.”

“Are you that excited to return? We’ve only just left,” Solas asked, grey eyes boring into Kallian. “I seem to remember you not liking Haven that much. What’s changed?”

Golden eyes flashed through her mind at the thought of the Inquisition camp before she could respond. _What was that?_

“I am just apprehensive,” she said, deflecting. “I am not looking forward to recruiting the Revered Mother.”

“Why ever would that be, Kallian?” He asked in a teasing tone, then leaning over to whisper in her ear, “it wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that the Dread Wolf sent you and not the Maker, would it? Are you nervous that your new friends wouldn’t accept you if they knew the truth?” His whisper made her shiver unpleasantly, his breath tickling her ear. There was something in his gaze when he looked back at her, but she could not figure out what it was. _He is just reminding me of my duties. I am here because of him._

She took a deep breath, to settle herself. “I just feel like I have lied more in the last week than I ever have in my entire life. First, it was why I was at the Conclave. Then, how I got out of the Fade. I just wonder if it will ever stop.” She was whispering, looking around with the hope that no one was near enough to overhear. Internally she added, _when will you stop asking me to lie?_

“You never have to lie to me.” He said, like it was the only thing she needed to hear. 

“Of course, hahren,” Kallian nodded at him, averting her eyes, “Since you’re here to mind the stew, I am going to see if there are any other things I can do to help set camp.”

“Careful, da’len,” he said, warning in his voice, “you are going to overwork yourself.” _You mean I can’t avoid you forever._

“I know.” Kallian said with a note of finality, standing up.

Kallian was walking into the forest in search of some peace of mind when she ran into Varric, collecting firewood. 

“Kal!” Varric shouted with his hands up, obviously excited to see her. 

“Varric,” she said, unable to conjure the same enthusiasm.

“What’s going on with you today? You are much more broody than you have been.” Then with a laugh he added,”there is only enough room in my heart for one broody elf and it’s already taken.”

“Nothing is going on. I’ve just been thinking about the trip” she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

He nodded, knowing not to push the conversation further. “Say, what is going on between you and Chuckles?”

“What?” Kallian almost spit out the drink she had taken from her waterskin. 

Varric laughed at her. “You were getting very, uh, _close_ just now.” He threw a wink in her direction, “what was he whispering in your ear?”

“Nothing, Varric,” she snapped back at him, surprised at the revulsion that had reared in her at the accusation. _He did kiss me last night, s_ he wanted to say. _But I didn’t like it. Which is crazy. No one sane would reject Fen’Harel. I just was surprised by it. That's it, I was surprised. That's why I didn’t like it. If I really didn’t want it I would have resisted more._ There was a flash of imagination; golden eyes and gloved hands holding her body against his. Her stomach flipped in anticipation rather than twisting painfully, as it had the night before with Solas. Kallian blushed a deep crimson at the turn of her thoughts

“You look like you are at war with yourself, Kal.” Varric said, trying to penetrate the thick shell she was pulling up around herself.

Kallian forced out a small laugh, “I’m just preoccupied with everything we have to do.” 

“Sure Kal,” he said with a hint of sarcasm. Varric saw right through her lie in the uncanny way that few could. “When you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Kallian nodded at him in appreciation and they continued to gather firewood in silence. 

Varric spent the majority of the rest of the evening sitting next to Kallian, deflecting the soldiers who came to talk to her, making sure she had the space she needed. Kallian, however, spent it staring into the fire, convincing herself that she had to sleep eventually. Even though she was apprehensive of running into Fen’Harel in the Fade, she could not avoid him forever, especially when he existed in her waking world, too. 

Her mind drifted to her reaction from the previous night. Looking back, she tried to laugh at herself for reacting so extremely. She had known Fen’harel for a long time, it had just surprised her that he was interested in that way. This did nothing to quell the revulsion in her at the thought of him kissing her again. Next time she wouldn’t allow herself to be in that position. Maybe he would get the hint eventually, if she kept enough physical distance between them.

Hypnotized by the flickering of the fire, Kallian barely noticed when Cassandra declared that she was going to bed. She only noticed the change in the environment when Varric placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“Kal, we should probably get to bed too. I would really rather not be forced to tie the Herald of Andraste to a horse,” He said, pulling her out of her stupor. 

Kallian walked into the tent she shared with Cassandra. She stripped off her armor and splashed water on her face before sliding into her bedroll, taking more time with the routine then she normally did. She took a deep breath before slipping into the Fade. 

~~~~~

Before Kallian opened her eyes she could feel his arms around her, the smell of wildflowers and musk tickled her nose. As she began to open her eyes, she shifted forward, breaking the circle of his arms. Stretching to move away from him, she sat crossed legged facing him in the meadow.

“Welcome back, lethal’lan”, Fen’harel said in a soft voice. 

“Savh, Fen’harel,” she responded, turning to look at him, sitting out of reach.

“What were you and Mr. Tethras talking about earlier?” She looked at him in fake confusion. “In the woods?” He clarified.

“He was just telling me funny stories about his time in Kirkwall. How he met Cassie.” She cursed herself for not thinking about the fact he could be listening.

“Oh I know about his time in Kirkwall.” He said, a dark tone in his voice. “He is not one of us.” He grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “You can’t trust them, da’len.”

“Why would you bring me here if I was not supposed to trust anyone?” She bit back. _Can I even trust you? You cannot expect me to take your word when you won’t allow me information,_ she added silently. 

“Because we need the Inquisition to accomplish our goals. I-”

“What goals Fen?” She interrupted him, frustration growing. “You haven’t told me about any goals? Why am I here?” 

_Why do I even bother asking? It's not like he is going to tell me anything anyway. He’ll probably just kiss me again to distract me._ She felt a molten lead ball fall into her stomach. 

“You are here because you are my Chosen; because I need you here.” He looked at her, voice softening. “I want you here, Kallian,” he practically purred. He raised his hands as if inviting her to lean against him again. Every part of her recoiled at the thought. _He is a god, stop acting as if he is made of slime,_ she chastised herself.

She moved back towards him, albeit hesitantly, and leaned stiffly against him. He ran spindly fingers down her arms, sending a calming energy through her. His magic felt distinctly wrong on her skin, making her want to recoil, but she found she couldn’t resist the calming influence and sank down into his touch a little bit more. _I wonder if he would find it suspicious if I forced myself to wake up now._

She was looking out to the trees that bordered the meadow, when she saw something move. Kallian sat up sharply, startling Fen’harel. 

“What is it, lethal’lan?”

“I thought I saw something in the trees,” She whispered, moving to a defensive crouch. 

Suddenly, a little fox made of white light jumped out of the woods, causing Kallian to fall backwards. Looking into the spirit’s eyes the adrenaline that had been pumping through her body was replaced with a feeling of happiness.

The Dread Wolf barked out a laugh at the sight. “Hello Compassion. You gave my friend here quite the scare.”

Compassion rubbed up against Kallian’s arm, conveying warmth and apologies. As Kallian settled back against the tree, purposefully out of reach of Fen’harel’s arms, Compassion laid his head down across her lap. The small fox hummed with contentment when her hand naturally rested upon his brow.

 _Thank you for saving me, my friend. You could not have arrived at a better time._ The spirit nuzzled into her hand as if he could understand her thoughts.

* * *

Cullen had felt it when she walked towards him the morning after their dinner, before the party had left for the Hinterlands. Her magic buzzed in the air as she walked towards him, through the gates of Haven. He had never experienced anything like it before. But he knew it was wrong, it's nothing more than his senses being heightened due to the remnants of lyrium in his body. He had heard the reports from mages about templars forced relations. The templars complained that they lost control, “the lyrium made them do it.” Cullen never believed it.

Knight-Commander Meredith insisted that both parties be punished when such reports were made. Mages were made Tranquil and templars stripped of their rank. He had tried to talk to Meredith about the biased punishments, and she just responded with a speech about how templars were needed to keep control of the mages. The lyrium was the only way they could do it. It simply wasn’t Cullen’s place to contradict her. Meredith was his superior officer, and unless he wanted to face a similar punishment, he couldn’t question her.

But the thought of anyone doing to Kallian what the templars did to the mages made Cullen nauseous. He could not be with her, because he would never be more than one of those templars forcing themselves on a mage in a circle. In her eyes, he would be just as bad as the others.

But Maker’s breath, when she walked into a room, she took his breath away. 

* * *

Kallian had been having a good day of wandering through the Hinterlands, they had found Mother Giselle, who agreed to join them, many of the herbs and supplies that Adan and Harritt had requested, and they had placed the markers for the watchtowers Horse-Master Dennet had asked for. It had been a good day, until they came across a bandit camp in a clearing surrounded by rocks. What made it even worse was that the bandits had seen them coming and could prepare an ambush. Before Varric had the opportunity to pull Bianca, Kallian was firing her first arrow. Cassandra was charging forward, shield bashing the first visible bandits. 

Kallian started to fire frozen arrows at the bandit’s legs in an attempt to handicap them. She hit the first two directly in the thigh, a column of ice sticking their leg to the earth. The third just got a graze on the side of the leg. 

The three ranged fighters all fell into a rhythm. Varric taking his cue from Kallian, incapacitating the bandits, making it easier for Cassie to cut them down. Solas sent fireballs and electric shocks at bandits in between barrier spells. Kallian became slightly tunnel visioned, eyes only focused on the next target, until she heard Cassie cry out in pain. 

Eyes darting to the Seeker, Kallian saw that a bandit archer had managed to get an arrow past her shield. The tip ricocheted off her breast plate and nicked her underarm. Before she even had time to think about it, Kallian transformed her bow into a pair of daggers. She fade-stepped up to the front line, taking out two of the bandits who were attacking the Seeker before anyone noticed she moved. She turned, hoping to catch the attention of the bandits around them and give Cassie a chance to recover.

Kallian could tell that the staff - and by extension her bow and daggers - she had commissioned from Harritt before leaving Haven was much better than the one from the battle of the Breach. Staff improvements translated to an easier drawback and more powerful bow shot, as well as sharper daggers, which led to stronger attacks. 

Letting out a feral smile, Kallian sliced into the stomach of a bandit. At this point, splatters of blood could be seen all over her body. 

Just out of the corner of her eye, Kallian could see the archer who had hit Cassie earlier preparing for another shot. Before she had done more than registered this, the bow was back in her hands. In a blur she had an arrow knocked and fired at the bandit. Her shot hit right in between the bandits eyes, causing him to stagger back and out of sight. Kallian heard his body hit the ground in a lifeless thud. 

“Kallian, behind you!” Varric shouted from his vantage point at the edge of the battlefield. Kallian twisted, summoning her daggers once again. A bandit hunter had snuck up behind her and was about to stab down with iron daggers. Kallian crouched and drove her knives up into the man's stomach. As she stood and looked around, she noticed that he was the last bandit of the bunch. 

Had she not been warned, the blow would have killed her. Kallian would know, she had used the same move countless times. _Perhaps there is a benefit to hunting with friends._

“Thanks for the warning, Varric,” she said with a smile. 

“No problem, Kal,” he responded with a wink, then more quietly, “it’s more fun to keep you around anyway. If it was Chuckles or Sassy here I may have thought twice about giving them the warning.”

“You're too much of a sweetheart for that and we both know it.” Kallian dropped her summoned daggers and started to wipe the blood from her hands. She started to look around the clearing, “this would make a good campsite.” 

The previous bandit infestation proved the clearing was strategically advantageous. It was surrounded on three sides by spire-like rock formations. If they could put scouts on the tops of them, it would be impossible for anything to sneak up on them. This must have been how the bandits knew they were coming. After sending a raven to the forward camp to let them know the location was secure, the group began to explore the area further. 

On the far end of the camp there was a tunnel through the rocks that seemed to lead to another area. The four of them walked into the short tunnel, emerging from the other side to a roar and blast of fire. There were four dragonlings in front of them. 

Solas put a barrier over all of them as the rest pulled their weapons out. 

“Varric,” Kallian began to call out orders, “you and I will incapacitate them, aim for the legs and wings. Solas, try to keep the barriers up and focus on freezing them solid so Cassie can shatter them.” _As long as it is just the dragonlings, we should be fine, but if their mother comes, Creators help us._

They began their attack. Kallian and Varric moved in sync, slowing the dragonlings down significantly. Cassie managed to kill one of them with a triumphant cry.

Suddenly a loud screech rang through the clearing, echoing off the rock formations. The pieces of hair sticking out of her braids blew back with a sudden forceful breeze that accompanied the woosh of a wing flap. A grove of trees in front of them burst into flames causing all of them to flinch back at the sudden scorching heat. The trees splintered like toothpicks as the high dragon landed in front of them.

“ _Fenedhis!_ Run!” Kallian called out to her companions. They all turned on their heels and ran, barely avoiding a fireball. She could feel the heat on her heels and smell the singed leather of her armor. They ran through the tunnel back towards the camp. Seeing that they had abandoned their attack on her children, the high dragon let them go. 

They arrived in the clearing as the scouts were setting up the camp. Kallian skidded to a stop in front of the startled scouts, and looked around to ensure that her companions were unharmed. Once she was reassured they were, she fell to her knees, laughing. 

Varric followed suit saying, “Andraste’s tits, that was a high dragon.” Even Cassie had to laugh. Solas sighed as if he was the only adult in a room full of crying children.

Once the hysteria died down, the requisitions officer approached Kallian with a message. A messenger from a Storm Coast mercenary group had arrived in Haven. Apparently he had been told to give his message to Kallian specifically, and couldn’t settle for the message being relayed to her. 

Kallian and Cassie sat down to go through the other missives and plan the trip back to Haven.

* * *

_Advisors,_

_After speaking to Mother Giselle, she has agreed to travel to Haven with us. She also recommends that we go to Val Royeaux to approach chantry leaders._

_We spoke to Horse-Master Dennet. He is unwilling to leave the farms without the assurance that they will be safe. We took care of the pack of wolves his wife informed us about, and marked locations for the watchtowers they suggested._

_We have managed to close quite a few fade rifts with little or no issue. We will continue to close them as we hear about them._

_Unfortunately this is the only good news from the day. At least from my perspective. Cassie informs me that you (Lelliana and Cullen) may disagree._

_We were able to clear the bandit camps Inquisition scouts warned us about. Hopefully this will make it easier for supplies to reach the refugees. This was doubly productive because the main camp was in a location scouts had marked for an Inquisition camp._

_At the back of the camp spot we found a tunnel that seemed to lead to a larger clearing. Turns out that large clearing is actually a high dragon’s nest. We only learned this after disturbing a group of her young. She did not like that. Fortunately, we did not venture too far away from the cave when we made this discovery and were able to make a quick retreat. We suffered minor burns, but that was unavoidable. We will have to come back later if killing the dragon is something you wish to pursue._

_Arriving back in camp after the dragon encounter, we were given the reports about the messenger. We are leaving tomorrow to return to Haven, and should be there by the end of the week._

_Kallian Lavellan_

Standing around the war table with Josephine and Lelliana, Cullen could not believe what he was reading. “A high dragon… Maker’s breath” he muttered in awe. 

“Say what you will about the Herald, but she knows how to find trouble,” Lelliana said, a slight tilt in her voice.

* * *

It took all Kallian had to not cheer and jump for joy when she saw Haven in the distance. After turning over her horse to the stable master and waving off her advisors with a promise to meet with them after her bath, she finally was able to escape into her quarters. As she settled into the copper tub, she hissed as the water soothed sore muscles and stung the burns and scrapes she had not had a chance to heal. The clang of swords against shields from the practice grounds added a comfortable din to the atmosphere. Kallian even found the Commander's yelled instructions helped her relax. She took a moment to lean back and close her eyes, dreading the meetings that were to come. 

Golden eyes and a strong jaw drifted into her thoughts. _I wonder what he would look like without the full suit of armor._ Kallian blushed at her own thoughts. 

_He is a templar. Even if he says that he has left the order. Fen’harel warned you about people like him._ She chastised herself. _But he focuses on everything so intensely. I wonder what it would be like…_ Kallian turned bright red at where her thoughts had been going. She quickly finished cleaning herself and got dressed in an attempt to keep her mind from wandering further.

* * *

Cullen had almost reached the Chantry doors when he heard a voice from behind him. 

“Your kind murdered the Most Holy!” 

He turned and saw that with his focus entirely dedicated to the upcoming war table meeting, he had walked right past a crowd of angry mages and templars. The tension that had been rising since the Breach was stabilized, had come to its breaking point. 

“Lies- your kind let her die,” a mage retorted, electricity crackling around them. Cullen took a deep breath and turned around, preparing to intervene. 

“Shut your mouth, mage” the templar who seemed to be in charge yelled, drawing his sword. 

Cullen jumped in between them, facing the templar with his back to the mages. The templar looked at him with disbelief, putting away his sword. 

“Knight-Captain,” the templar started, as if he could convince Cullen to take his side. _As if I don’t know who started this._ Templars had short fuses around town lately as the Inquisition worked to get a steady lyrium supply.

“That is not my title! We are not templars anymore,” he growled at the man. Lifting his hands to gesture to both groups, “we are _all_ part of the Inquisition now.” From behind him, Cullen heard the voice of the one person that could make this situation worse. 

“And what does that mean, _Commander_?” Chancellor Rodrick sneered, voice full of contempt. 

Cullen took a deep breath, trying to push down his anger. “Back already, Chancellor? Haven’t you done enough already?”

“I’m curious, Commander, as to how you and your so-called _Herald_ will succeed where the Chantry has not.” It took everything in him for Cullen to not punch the pompous man in the face. It was as if the Chancellor existed to make his life more difficult. The lyrium withdrawal was doing that enough, Maker knows he didn't need more things to make him miserable.

“What is going on here?” The Herald walked up to the pair of them, probably able to feel the tension rolling off Cullen’s body. _She already has enough reasons to fear the templars, she shouldn’t have to see this._ Cullen cursed himself for not diffusing the conflict days ago.

“Back to your duties, all of you,” Cullen commanded, spinning to look at the mages and templars who were still gathered. Turning back to the Herald, he ran a hand down his face exhausted. “I’m sorry, Herald. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. Mages and templars were already at war, and now they are at each other's throats about the Divine’s death.”

“Which is why we need a proper _Andrastian_ authority. Not some kni- _Dalish_ mage who got lucky,” Rodrick was starting to let the resentment into his voice. 

Cullen watched as the blood drained out of Kallian’s face at the, and immediately felt defensive. He stepped towards the Chancellor, forcing the man to look up at him. “Who, you? Random clerics who weren’t important enough to be invited to the Conclave?” Cullen pointed behind him to where Kallian stood, “This ‘Dalish mage’ has done nothing but sacrifice for our cause since she woke up. She was a prisoner whom we all blamed the Divine’s death on and she still has not stopped helping us, at great detriment to herself.” Who was this man to question any of the things the Herald has sacrificed for Thedas? He took a step back away from the Chancellor, who gave a snort and walked away. 

He looked back towards Kallian, the color had returned to her face in a brilliant flush that extended to the tips of her ears and down her neck. The tension from anger that had been rushing through his body dissipated at the sight. He found himself wondering if the blush extended down her chest before he stopped himself, shocked at the turn of his thoughts. 

“Thank you, Commander, for defending me,” she stammered, blushing deeper. “I believe the others are waiting for us inside.” 

Cullen gave her a nod in response and turned to walk into the Chantry. He tried to ignore how he could feel her eyes on him as he walked away. How her blush had made him feel. He wanted to tell her that he would always defend her. But then he remembered why he felt that way. _You are just as bad as those templars were, you just won't admit it._

* * *

_What was that about? Why are you blushing like a child? It is his job to defend you, it doesn’t necessarily reflect his feelings. And even if it did, he’s still a templar and I'm still an apostate._ Kallian had run away from the war room as soon as the meeting was over, managing to make it all the way home without anyone noticing her. 

Why was her reaction to the two so different? She was from a Dalish clan, it would only make sense for her to be with the elven man. But every touch from him felt like slugs crawling on her skin. Every kiss made her want to take a bath. It had only become like this recently. Before the Conclave, they had been close, but he had never taken anything farther. Kallian didn’t know if it was the physical proximity with her that had changed things or what else it could be. After all, she was one of his Chosen. She should be happy that he wanted to be with her. 

Cullen, on the other hand, was everything she was taught to fear. He was a male templar who could probably render her completely defenseless with a thought. But when he blushed it felt like her whole world stopped. Why was she more attracted to the man who likely hated her than the elf who was clearly interested in her? But nothing Fen’harel did ever made her feel the way Cullen did. 

The thoughts rushing through her head made the meeting even more infuriating than they normally were. There was a messenger from a mercenary group to deal with, and decisions to make about the upcoming trip to Val Royeaux. Finally, Lelliana was concerned about the way the Grey Wardens had disappeared and asked to investigate reports of one in the Hinterlands. 

Their next trip was going to be a long one, and Kallian was not excited. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Fun fact, I actually did stumble into the high dragon nest the first time I played Inquisition. 
> 
> Also, clearly we are playing fast and loose with cannon here. Next chapter we will be starting In Hushed Whispers/Champions of the Just. 
> 
> Elvhen translations:  
> Fenor - Darling  
> Savh- hey or hi
> 
> Thanks to chuckasaurus for beta reading. Without you it would be unreadable.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gathering up the Inner Circle. Varric gets to show off his inner storyteller, and we meet one of my favorite characters, Dorian. Also some Cullavelan fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I feel like this is a good time to address something. Namely, why Solas/Lavellan isn't tagged here. Their "relationship" in this fic is unhealthy. He is very manipulative and uses the position of power he holds over her to coerce her into doing things. Luckily she has some great friends who are not going to let this slide for very long. 
> 
> Basically, don't expect any serious two-way consensual romance here between the two. This is why it is not tagged as a Solas/Lavellan fic. If that's what you are here for then I am sorry.

_ Advisors,  _

_ It was easy enough to find the Grey Warden in the Hinterlands. There were plenty of rumors in the refugee camp and the village. They said he was up by the lake, training new recruits. He seemed eager to join our cause. We are planning on heading north towards the Storm Coast tomorrow to look into that mercenary group.  _

_ Kallian _

“A Grey Warden can only lend the Inquisition credibility,” Josephine said as soon as Cullen looked up from the missive. 

“Our Herald is quite inspiring,” Leliana started with a hint of pride. “I heard she hunted so the refugees would have more food, took out the apostate and the templar main camps, and found blankets for the camp. Some of Mother Giselle’s contacts have said many of the refugees want to come here and join us.”

Cullen felt a surge of pride, “It’s hard to believe.” He looked up at Leliana. Kallian never failed to surprise him. Even though she had been given every reason to hate the Inquisition, and humans in general, she still seemed to put everything into their cause. Leliana’s eyes were questioning, boring into him as if she could read his thoughts. If that was the case, Cullen wished she would share because he was having a hard time understanding them on his own. 

~~~~~

The night before they were due in Val Royeaux, Kallian was sitting by the fire, listening to Cassie drill the two new members of their group. Ever since Iron Bull had told them he was Ben-Hassrath, Cassie had been trying to catch him in a lie; find some reason to mistrust him. She felt her mind drift as she stared into the fire.

“Have I ever told you about the time that Fenris and Anders almost destroyed half of the Hanged Man in Kirkwall?” Varric asked as he sat down next to Kallian in an attempt to pull her out of her thoughts.

“I don’t think so,” she responded automatically, coming out of her daze. Even if he had told them before, Varric was good enough at telling stories it would probably feel like the first time.

“Well it was shortly after Hawke had been named Champion. We were all hanging out in the Hanged Man, drinking in celebration, when things got a little… heated between Broody and Blondie.” 

At this point most of the people around the fire had leaned in to hear better. Kallian noticed that Solas had excused himself from the group and was walking out into the woods, looking back at her as if he was expecting her to follow.  _ He can wait, I am not in the mood for dealing with his shit.  _

“Were they fighting over the Champion?” Cassandra asked, her inner romantic coming out. 

“Why Seeker, I thought you never liked my stories.” Varric teased, “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I momentarily forgot who was telling it,” she seethed in response. She turned away from Varric, pulling a piece of her armor into her lap so she could polish it.

“It  _ was  _ about Hawke, but if you ask either of them it was about their “ideological differences.” You see, Blondie was a mage, which  was reason enough for Fenris to hate him. On top of that, Blondie thought all mages should be free and blamed Fenris for all our fear of the spirit he housed in his body.” Varric looked up, as if he was trying to remember something he forgot “Oh, and Fenris really didn’t like that Anders was ‘taking advantage of Hawke’s broken heart.’”

“Maybe he shouldn’t have dumped her then,” Cassie said with a touch of bitterness. 

Varric shot her a look, “If you are done interrupting me Sassy, I can continue.” She nodded at him. “So we were all getting drunk, and I mean  _ drunk _ , even Aveline, and Blondie starts spouting about how ‘not all abominations are evil’ and how much better his life was since he had found Justice. 

“And Hawke was giving me eyes that just said she was regretting her life choices, which I warned her about. You can’t rebound off Broody with the mage-iest mage. Fenris was just getting angrier and angrier. Broody was almost glowing; that’s how we could always tell he was getting really angry. After a few minutes of this he slams his mug down on the table, looks at Hawke, I swear it looked like he was apologizing, and punches Blondie straight in the face. 

“We all jump up from the table just as Broody slams Blondie  into it, and it flattened like a sweet cake. Like everyone else had been waiting for this, all the tables and chairs were pushed up against the walls. I start walking around taking bets, Aveline refuses to participate but turns a blind eye. Daisy bet on Blondie, probably a “mage sticking up for mage” thing. Isabelle bet on Blondie, I think she was still hoping to get with him.”

“Who did Hawke bet on?” Kallian asked. 

“Fenris of course. She was with Anders at the time but she never loved him, her heart always belonged to Broody.”

“So why was she with him?” Kallian asked, wanting to know more about the lead up.

“Broody broke her heart. Anders was there for her. I think part of it was she was attracted to Blondie and part was that she knew it would piss off Fenris.”

“So at this point they are in an all out duel. Blondie couldn’t use his magic because Broody was moving too fast. All that lyrium etched into his skin made him one of the fastest warriors I’ve ever met.  Yes, even faster than you, Tiny,” Varric said before Bull had the chance to protest . “Anyway, Blondie had to give up on using magic and just use fists. By the time Broody has him pinned they both have at least one black eye, a split lip and other various bruises. So he has the poor mage pinned and starts to make his hand glow like he was about to rip the guys heart out.

“And all Hawke has to do is say his name, and he gets off. Fenris and Hawke leave the place and are all made up the next morning. Hawke made a lot of money that night and Isabelle lost almost all of hers.”

“All that over a girl?” Kallian asked. 

“Hawke is one special lady,” Varric responded. “Next time I’ll have to tell you about when we took down the high dragon.”

“Wait,” Bull’s voice suddenly broke in, “you had a story about fighting a dragon, and you didn’t lead with that!?”

* * *

_ Commander, Nightingale, and Ambassador, _

_ I am afraid we found very little good in Val Royeaux. The templars appear to have abandoned the Chantry entirely. Lord Seeker Lucius called upon all of them to leave the city, and despite our best efforts, all the templars followed. I fear that whoever opened the Breach got to them before we did. Lord Seeker Lucius seemed off. He is nothing like the man I worked with for all those years. It seems like we will find nothing but more trouble from the Chantry.  _

_ Our trip to Val Royeaux was not entirely unproductive. We are bringing the former Grand Enchantress to the Empress, Lady Vivienne. She sought us out and offered to join. I tried to warn the Herald that it was likely she was only looking to grab power once all this is over, but the Herald is of the mind that we are not in a position to be rejecting anyone who wants to join. I can’t say I disagree with her.  _

_ We are also bringing a rather colorful elf from the “Friends of Red Jenny” named Sera. She seems like she will be more work than she is worth, but the Herald wants to give her a chance.  _

_ On our way out of the city, we were approached by Grand Enchanter Fiona. She offered an alliance if we meet them in Redcliffe. I am not sure about how the Herald is feeling about it.  _

_ We are on our way back to Haven now, we should return in a few weeks.  _

_ Cassandra Pentagast _

_ Seeker of Truth.  _

* * *

Unlike the last time they returned to Haven, Kallian was not excited. Returning would mean war table meetings and having to explain what happened in Val Royeaux.  _ Some use I am as a “holy figure” when I can’t even convince that religion to follow me,  _ she thought, blaming herself for what had happened. Kallian groaned as she sunk into her bath, avoiding the inevitable ire she would face from her advisors. 

Eventually, the sun began to set and Kallian came to terms with the fact that she had been avoiding them for long enough. She climbed out of her magic-warmed bath, pulled on a clean pair of breeches and a tunic, and made her way to the Chantry. Cassie was leaning against the outside wall, waiting for her. When Kallian got close enough, Cassie pushed off the wall and joined her. The pair walked into the Chantry, towards where Josie stood scribbling on her notepad. 

She glanced up briefly as they approached. “It’s good you’ve returned. We heard of your encounter,” she said, continuing to write. 

Cassie looked up at her. “You heard?” she asked, confused.

“My agents in the city sent word ahead, of course,” they all turned as Leliana walked in the building with Cullen. 

“It’s a shame the templars abandoned their senses as well as the capitol,” Cullen said, disappointed frown seemingly plastered on his face. Kallian couldn’t help the feelings of guilt and shame at his tone. She felt that she was the one to blame for the templars’ withdrawal.

Kallian looked up at all of them, she could feel the weight of their gazes. Clearing her throat, she spoke up, “we had to do something, and now we have an opportunity.”

“Yes, and now we have the opening we need to approach the templars and the mages.” Josie’s ever-positive attitude was like a balm on Kallian’s nerves. 

“Do we?” Cassandra asked, looking at the Ambassador with doubt, “Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember.”

“That is another matter. He has taken the Order  _ somewhere _ , but why?” Leliana narrowed her eyes with suspicion as she spoke, “my reports have been… very odd.”

“We must look into it. I’m certain not everyone in the Order will support the Lord Seeker,” Cullen added, hopefully.  _ Of course he wants us to support the templars. Maybe Fen’Harel is right about him.  _ Kallian shook her head at the thought. 

“Or,” Josie offered, “the Herald could simply go to meet the mages in Redcliffe, instead.” 

Cullen whipped around to look at Josie. “You think the mage rebellion is more united? It’s probably ten times worse.” There was a venom in his voice that Kallian only heard him use when talking to the Chancellor.

Kallian stepped in between them, forcing them both to take a step back. “Or you could stop bickering and make a decision,” she matched the venom she’d heard in Cullen’s voice. 

However, she had to admit the man had a point, it is possible the templars were more united than the mages. It would be a significant advantage to recruit one unified group rather than several factions. And they were trained to fight, which could be helpful in a battle. They would also be able to weaken the Breach significantly using their abilities. While the mages could make her more powerful, Kallian would rather weaken the rift then count their abilities to make her stronger.

“We shouldn’t discount Redcliffe. The mages may be worth the risk,” Josie said, continuing the argument as if Kallian hadn’t spoken. 

“They are powerful, Ambassador, but more desperate than you realize,” Cassie warned, “if those responsible for the Conclave are mages…” 

“But the same thing can be said for the templars,” Josie responded.

“True enough,” Cullen conceded. “I’m not certain we have enough influence to approach the Order anyway right now.”

“Finally,” Kallian said with a sigh, “something I can help with.”

“In the meantime, we will look into other options,” Josie said, writing something on her notepad and turning towards her office. 

* * *

Cullen watched Kallian turn to leave the room when he walked after her, determined to clear the air, “Herald, mind if I have a word?” She nodded her assent and they began walking towards the training grounds. “I just wanted to better explain myself,” he looked down at her. When she made no move to respond, he continued. “I just feel like a trained military force will be more useful when it comes to the Breach assault and any fights after.”

“You don’t need to explain to me, Commander,” he almost stopped in his tracks, jaw-dropping in surprise. She let out a small laugh before continuing, “I know of the magic suppression powers the templars have. The Breach is a magical force. It only makes sense that they will be well suited to the task.” She let out a big sigh, “and I have seen how efficient the templars are in a fight. You don’t have to tell me about their military prowess.” 

_ Maker’s breath,  _ Cullen chastised himself,  _ I need to stop forgetting that she is Dalish. She has probably witnessed templars fighting first hand.  _

When he didn’t respond, she continued. “I am afraid we got off to a bad start, Commander. For that I am sorry”

“No Herald. I was the one at fault. I should have known better than to wear my templar armor. I did not think about how it would affect you. I’ve heard stories about the orders dealings with the Dalish Clans -”

“Commander” Kallian interrupted him with a tight smile. “You don't need to apologize to me” she stopped walking, forcing him to stop and face her. “For better or for worse, it seems like we are going to be working together for the foreseeable future. We won’t be able to do that without some level of trust between us.” He watched as her eyes darted around,  _ it is as if she’s nervous about something. Probably me. Not probably, definitely. I’m just a templar.  _ Unconsciously, one of his hands reached up to touch the tattoo lines he had been fascinated by the last time they spoke.

* * *

She looked around them, trying to see if Solas could see them from where he normally stood. She was dreading the inevitable conversation they would have if he was watching. Suddenly she felt a gloved hand touch one cheek, right where she knew one of the lines of vallaslin was. 

She jumped slightly and gasped causing him to blush and pull his hand away. 

“I’m so sorry, Herald” his face turned the brightest red she had ever seen. “I’ve met other elves who have markings such as yours, but I’ve never been able to look at them this closely” He’d started stammering slightly, “Would it be too personal for me to ask you what they meant?”

“Yes,” she responded automatically. Then when his face fell, she responded without thinking, “I mean no? It is a personal question, especially from a human, but I am not offended by you asking.” She breathed in, steadying herself. “They are called vallaslin, blood writing. When a Dalish elf comes of age, they choose a god to honor and dedicate themselves to. They then get a specific design for that god tattooed on their face with a special ink. They must remain silent through the ceremony or else they are deemed not ready.” 

“Who did you choose?” Kallian could see the wonder in his eyes.

“I chose Andruil, goddess of the hunt. That's where the bow and arrow come from,” she gestured to her markings. “I also have markings from Dirthamen, the god of secrets and knowledge”.

“Why?” he blurted out. “I understand Andruil, the bow and arrow you use are incredible. But why Dirthamen?”

“That I can’t answer right now. I have to keep some secrets, or else I couldn’t have the markings.” Kallian blushed slightly.  _ I chose Dirthamen because I am an agent of Fen’harel. My whole life is based on secrets how they are used in service of the Dread Wolf.  _

“I'm sorry for asking, they are just so… beautiful” Cullen whispered as if he could not stop himself.  _ Beautiful? Most of the time humans just think they are weird. _

“Do not apologize for asking, Commander. I enjoy talking about it, I was never close to my clan, but I still miss them sometimes,” she turned to continue along the path to the gate. “When I think about my vallaslin, it reminds me of a time when I felt like I belonged with them.” 

As they walked along she caught sight of Solas looking down on them from atop the hill.  _ Fenedhis. I will have to explain this later.  _ Looking at the older elf, she was suddenly reminded of when she got the vallaslin and how fast her joy and pride had turned to ash when he saw them.

~~~~~

_ Kallian had been so excited to show her vallaslin to the Dread Wolf. She hadn’t even flinched during the ceremony and thought he would like what she had chosen for her marks. Rather than the excitement she was expecting, he had been furious.  _

_ “What have you done, Kallian?” he growled at her, refusing to look too long at her face. _

_ “My vallaslin…” she trailed off almost in tears, “I thought you would like it.” _

_ “Like it? You thought I would like you dedicating yourself to a different god? How?” _

_ “I didn’t” she was trying to explain but it was like he wouldn’t listen, “I dedicated them to you, I combined Andruil and Dirthamen to make a design for you. I thought a hunter of secrets and knowledge would be a good way for me to dedicate myself.” _

_ “I marked you” he grabbed her pulling at her clothes and exposing the birthmark, “I chose you and  _ I marked you,” _ he sounded feral, Kallian had never felt afraid of him like this before. “You do not need to whore yourself out to another.” He shook her, causing her head to snap back and forth. _

_ “I’m sorry, Fen’Harel.” she whispered as the first tears began to fall.  _

~~~~~

She blinked rapidly, pulling herself out of the memory. Cullen was looking down at her concerned. Kallian realized that she probably had missed a question he’d asked. 

“I’m sorry Commander, I seem to have gotten lost in thought.”

“Oh,” he looked at her with a strange expression. “I was just asking why you felt out of place among your clan?”

“That is a very personal question,” she forced a small laugh. “Um, I was always different I guess.” Schooling her expression into one of calm. “I should really be going, Commander. Thank you for the conversation.” She turned towards the blacksmith. 

* * *

_ That was strange _ , Cullen thought to himself. In one moment the Herald had seemed perfectly happy and at ease, in the next, she’d been lost in thought. As she walked to the blacksmith he looked around trying to find the source of her sudden distraction. Movement by the apothecary’s hut caught his eye and he watched Solas turn and disappear into his tent. Cullen had heard the rumors, of course, about the two apostates. It only made sense. She would gravitate towards him because they were alike, it’s why they had been close since the beginning.

He walked over to the training grounds, kicking himself. He shouldn’t have touched her. Why would he think it was okay? The markings were just so beautiful, it’s like he did it without thinking.

Chastising himself, Cullen threw himself into afternoon drills. Eventually, the behavior of the new recruits took his mind off the way her tattoos emphasized the slope of her lips and the contour of her cheekbones. 

* * *

As she drifted into the Fade, Kallian felt Fen’Harel’s body behind her with his arms wrapped around her torso. This had become more and more common over the past few days, and Kallian had gone numb to the sensation. She no longer flinched away from him immediately upon her arrival. 

“How was the meeting, lethal’lan?” He asked, probing for information he would not have access to otherwise. 

Kallian decided to be vague. The war table meetings were exhausting enough without having to rehash them afterward. “It was fine. Just talking about what happened in Val Royeaux. Civil war stuff.”

“Do they want you to take Fiona’s offer?”

Not surprised he already knew more than he was letting on, she responded, “we are thinking about it. Cullen and Cassie also believe we could approach the templar order for help.”

“Of course the Commander wants you to support the templars.” He scoffed. “I assume you told them no? You are sticking with the mages?”

“Actually,” Kallian said with a sigh, this was a big reason she hadn’t wanted to talk about the meeting. “I told them I needed to think about it.”

“Wait,” Fen’Harel turned her around so they were facing each other. “Are you actually considering allying with the templars? Was this what you and the Commander were talking about earlier? Was he coercing you?”

“I was thinking about it! He wasn’t trying to coerce me into anything. I feel like their ability to suppress magic could be helpful for closing the Breach. They are a united faction already. Their experience could be useful if there is a battle.”

“And it will be useful when they are trying to control you! Trying to take away your magic,” Fen’Harel said sternly. His tone made Kallian flinch.

“I don’t think they would do that to me, Fen.”

“They may not. But is it safe to give them the power to?”

Kallian felt so stupid. Of course the shems would use the templars against her once they closed the Breach, they couldn’t allow a mage like her to keep her abilities. She was stupid to think that they were her friends.  _ Are they my friends? I thought they were. _ “I think you might be right. Maybe we should ally with the mages.”

Fen’harel pulled her to him in a tight hug. “I knew you would see it, fenor,” he whispered. Placing his hand under her chin, he lifted her face so they were eye to eye. “No matter what I want you to remember I’m grateful for you.”

“I know, Fen,” Kallian responded, leaning back slightly to get away from him. He placed a light kiss on her lips and pulled her in tighter, refusing her attempt to escape. 

* * *

Cullen knew something was off immediately when Kallian walked into the war room. She lacked all the lively glow she had during their conversation the day prior. Instead, her eyes were downcast, and she wouldn’t look directly at any of them. 

When she didn’t say anything, Leliana took the initiative, “Herald, have you thought about who to ally with?”

“Yes, I have actually.” She responded, still not looking up at them. 

Cullen prepared for how he would respond when she said they would be allying with the templars. He had spent much of the night before planning the best way for them to approach the Order. He was struck speechless when instead he heard her say, “I believe it will be better to ally with the mages.”

_ Wait, what?  _ Cullen thought to himself.  _ What happened overnight to make her change her mind?  _ The rest of the meeting went by in a blur as he tried to puzzle out what could have happened. He barely even registered it was over before Kallian was walking out of the room. Determined to get down to the bottom of it, he followed her, walking swiftly to catch up. 

Eventually, he did catch up to her, putting a hand on her arm to grab her attention. She jumped away as if he had burned her. Seeing it was him, she relaxed slightly before seeming to think better of it. Cullen could see the walls she was pulling up around herself. “Commander, what can I do for you?”

“Herald, I was hoping to ask you what changed your mind?”

“Changed my mind?” She asked coolly.

“About who to approach for an alliance.” Maybe chasing after her hadn’t been such a good idea _.  _ “You gave me the impression last night that you were leaning more towards the templars.”

“You would want me to ally with your templars,” she muttered under her breath. Cullen couldn’t tell if she meant for him to hear it or not. “I changed my mind, Commander. I am allowed to do that, right? I thought it would be better to have people around me who I can trust.”

“Have I given you any reason to distrust me?” He asked, trying to prevent the emotion from coming out in his voice. 

“I am a mage,” she said simply, “it will always be hard for me to trust someone who can take that away from me.”

_ But I don’t have the power to do it anymore, _ he wanted to say to her. The rational part of his brain told him it wasn’t about him, something else had clearly changed her mind. Perhaps,  _ someone  _ had changed her mind. Cullen made a note to ask Varric about it. “Do you think we would do that to you?” he asked quietly.

“I don't know. But why would I give you the ability to do it?” She said before turning and walking away. 

* * *

Seeing his face fall as she fled hurt Kallian deeply in a way she was not expecting.  _ Why should I care how he feels? He isn’t the one in danger if we invite templars to our doorstep.  _ But it wasn’t her switching positions that seemed to hurt him, it was the idea that she didn’t trust him. 

But Fen’harel was right. He was a shem, and if she invited the templars into the Inquisition, they could be used against her. She couldn’t trust any of them, no matter how much that hurt. 

* * *

That night Cullen cornered Varric at his usual table in the tavern. Although the dwarf seemed surprised that Cullen had sought him out on his own, he invited Cullen to sit with a smile. 

Cullen decided to skip all pleasantries and said, “So Varric, I know that you and the Herald are friends.”

“Curly, I’m honored you want me to put in a good word for you,” Varric replied with a laugh, “I thought you would ask Cassie, but I am happy to help.” Cullen watched in growing frustration as Varric raised his hand to his chest in false ceremony.

Cullen responded with a glare and tried to suppress the blush creeping up his neck. This only made Varric laugh harder. “I’m serious, Varric.”

“Okay, Curly. What do you need?”

“Did something happen last night?” Cullen asked apprehensively.

“What do you mean?”

Cullen leaned towards him and lowered his voice. “Last night she told me she was thinking about allying with the templars. This morning she had completely flipped. When I asked her why, she said, ‘of course you want me to ally with them’ and that it would be better to ally with people she can trust.” Varric looked at him blankly. “I am just wondering if you know what might have changed her mind overnight.”

“I don’t know anything for sure, but I do know her and Solas have been getting close.” Varric sighed, “Chuckles hasn’t really made his dislike of the rest of us secret.”

“You think it’s possible he convinced her?”

“I know he was whispering something in her ear a few weeks ago, and when I asked her about it she went as pale as a ghost.”

“Do you think they are involved?” Cullen asked, trying to disguise the jealousy that was rearing inside him. They probably were together. They were both elves. It would make sense. Nothing would have ever happened between the two of them anyway. 

“Maybe,” Varric took a heavy draw of ale before continuing. “Her reaction was weird. I teased Hawke about her tangled up love life all the time, and she never reacted quite like Kal did.” Varric laughed lightly, as if reminiscing on a fond memory. “See, Curly, whenever I would give Hawke shit about Anders or Fenris, she would blush and have some witty retort. With Kal, it was like she couldn’t deny it fast enough. And she turned as pale as Andraste’s tits.”

“So do you think he said something to her?”

“It’s possible,” Varric sighed. “Either way, I think we should just go along with the plan to ally the mages. We’re supposed to be leaving tomorrow, I can try to talk to her about it but I’m not sure it would do anything.”

“Who’s going on the trip?” Cullen asked, silently added,  _ is Solas _ . 

“I think it is going to be Solas, Sassy, Tiny, and me,” Varric answered, seemingly unsure. 

“Maybe try to talk to her, see if she’s okay.” Varric only nodded in response, ending the conversation. 

Cullen left to go back to his tent. He hoped that Varric would be able to figure out what happened, but was slightly doubtful. If what they were speculating was true, and Solas was trying to convince her that the rest of them weren’t trustworthy, Cullen bet Varric was going to be out of her trust, too. 

He looked up and spotted the elf where he normally stood, by the apothecary. Solas was watching him make his way across the village. As they made eye contact, Cullen could feel the hate in the other man’s gaze. Shivering under the intense gaze, Cullen ducked into the tent. 

Even if Solas was responsible for Kallian’s change of heart, Cullen hoped there was a different explanation. It would almost be better for there to be no explanation than have Solas be responsible. The integrity of their organization would be called into question if an apostate had such a large influence on the Herald, even though she was an apostate herself. The man had always given Cullen a rotten feeling, like he was just biding his time, waiting to strike. As he began to fall asleep, the feeling of Solas’ eyes had only just started to leave him. The last thing he remembered before he drifted into another restless sleep was her face and the sound of her laugh. 

* * *

Kallian knew something was wrong the moment they saw the Rift outside Redcliffe. What should have been a routine was made perverse, their attacks were sped up or slowed down. Each time Kallian disrupted the Rift, it seemed to take longer than the last. 

When she was finally able to stitch it closed, Solas muttered, “That shouldn’t be possible.”

“Well, I hope you didn’t bet your money on that, Chuckles,” Varric said in a wry tone. 

“I don’t know what happened,” Kallian responded, “but we should go figure it out.”

Before they could take more than ten steps into the town, a scout stepped in front of them, preventing them from continuing. “Herald.”

“Yes?”

“We got here a few days back to set the meeting with Fiona,” the scout faltered for a moment before continuing, “and she said she wasn’t expecting you. And she didn’t know what we were talking about when we asked her about Val Royeaux.”

“Seems weird, Kal,” Varric said in a low, warning town.

“Any word on where she is?” Kallian said, ignoring Varric. 

“The Gull and Lantern, a local tavern” The scout replied without hesitation. 

Kallian gave the scout a nod and walked through the town of Redcliffe. She noticed almost immediately that their party was not drawing the stares and hushed whispers they normally did. In fact, very few people noticed them. They all seemed preoccupied. 

As they entered the tavern, they were greeted by a clearly confused Fiona. “Agents of the Inquisition, welcome,” she gave them a warm smile. “What had brought you to Redcliffe.?”

Kallian had been listening to the scouts when they had told her Fiona was not expecting them. But she didn’t want to believe them. In a last-ditch effort to remind her of their previous meeting, Kallian said, “we’re here because of your invitation back in Val Royeaux.”

“You must be mistaken,” Fiona said, smile fading slightly. “I haven’t been to Val Royeaux since before the conclave.”

_ It is possible she is trying to trick us,  _ Kallian thought before responding. “Well, that’s very strange, because someone who looked exactly like you spoke to me in Val Royeaux.” 

“Exactly like me?” It was Fiona’s turn to be confused, “I suppose it could be magic at work, but why would anyone…” Kallian watched her hesitate, then seem to change her mind about what to say. “Whoever… or whatever brought you here, the situation has changed. The free mages have already…” she seemed to choke on her next word for a moment before forcing it out. “We’ve already pledged ourselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium.”

Her companions seemed to take a collective breath in as they heard this. 

Varric seemed to recover first, exclaiming, “Andraste’s ass… I’m trying to think of a single worse thing you could have done. And I’ve got nothing.”

Cassie was next, “An alliance with Tevinter? Do you not fear all of Thedas turning against you?” The Seeker sounded incredulous like she couldn’t believe the mages would do something so stupid. 

“As one indentured to a magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you.” 

This time as Fiona spoke, Kallian could hear something else in her voice. She couldn’t decide if it was fear, desperation, or regret before deciding she didn’t really care. “Very well,” she said with an exasperated sigh. “Who’s in charge now?”

“Ah the ‘Herald of Andraste’,” a cold voice rang out from behind them. “I apologize for not greeting you earlier.” The man was wearing a red and gold robe with strange markings. He had a hood with strange spike-like flaps attached. “I am Magister Gereon Alexius, and this is my son Felix.” He gestured to the younger man next to him. 

Felix was wearing a robe that matched his father’s, but the face under the hood looked very different. The young man was pale and sickly. Deep purple bruises had developed under his eye and the skin on his face clung to his skull. Whatever he was sick with, made him look like a skeleton. 

Kallian looked away from the son, towards the father, “it is a pleasure to meet you both. I have heard a lot about you,” Kallian said with a forced smile.

“And you are the one who survived the Fade. How interesting.” His eyes seemed to burn into Kallian’s.

“You are an awfully long way from home, Magister Alexius. Why is that?” Cassandra asked, eyeing the man suspiciously. 

“I understand that your Herald is no Fereldan either. I could ask her the same,” he pointed at Kallian as he spoke. “I am here for the same reason you are. I am looking for the help of the mages. I just so happened to get he- Felix!” His voice trailed off as his son collapsed into Kallian. 

Kallian caught him, hands on his chest, preventing him from falling completely to the floor. As he began to recover and Kallian helped him stand, his hand came to meet hers where was braced on his shoulder. She felt him push something into her palm.

By now Alexius was standing, clearly worried about his son. “I am afraid we will have to cut this visit short. Please, feel free to come see me in the castle.” The two men rushed out of the tavern. As soon as they were gone, Kallian sat back down on her chair and looked at what Felix had handed her. 

_ Come to the Chantry, you’re in danger. _

When she was done reading it she passed it to Cassie, who passed it to Varric, and it slowly made it around their circle. 

“Seems like a trap, Kal,” Varric said, with a mischievous look in his eye. Then with a wink, “should be fun.”

“Let’s get to it then,” Kal responded.

The Chantry was not far from the tavern, so it did not take them long to get there. As they approached, Kallian could see the familiar green glow creeping out under the door. She threw a quick barrier over the party before they ran inside. 

A mage Kallian had never seen before was doing his best to fend off the demons who were falling out of the Rift. Seeing the light from the open door, he turned and, seeing them, yelled, “Good, you’re finally here! Now help me close this would you.” If the situation were so precarious, Kallian probably would have questioned how he knew she could close it. 

Just like the Rift outside the town, this one seemed to mess with time. Kallian rushed forward, relying on the others to provide a distraction. She began the process of closing the Rift. Threads moving out from the Anchor to wrap around the crystalline structures of the Rift. She broke the structure apart, stunning all of the demons around them. They made quick work of the remaining demons, and Kallian was able to stitch the Rift shut. 

“Fascinating, how does that work?” the mysterious mage asked, pointing towards Kallian’s hand. When she didn’t answer, he continued, “you don’t even know, do you? You just wiggle your fingers, and boom! Rift closes.”

Kallian couldn’t stop herself from glancing at Solas at his question. When she looked back at the mage, his eyes narrowed.  _ Did he notice the look? Why is he looking at me like that?  _ Kallian asked herself. “Who are you?” she asked. 

He responded in a smooth voice, not missing a beat. “Ah, getting ahead of myself again, I see. Dorian of House Pavus. Most recently of Minrathous. How do you do?” 

“Another Tavineter,” Cassie groaned. “Be careful with this one.”

“Suspicious friends you have here.” He gave each of them a once over, eyes lingering on Kallian and Bull. “Magister Alexius was my mentor. I know about his research, so I am  _ sure  _ my knowledge will be valuable.” He said, winking at Cassie, earning a groan from the Seeker.

“I was under the impression I would be meeting Felix here,” Kallian responded, eyeing the man. If he was truly a Tavineter, she had to be careful, no matter how funny he may be. It was still possible that he had been waiting here to ambush them.

Dorian nodded. “Yes. I asked him to send you here.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I have seen what Alexius can do. He is dangerous if that wasn't obvious already. He has claimed the alliance of the mages right out from under you… as if by magic. Which it was, by the way,” he said with a smart ass tone. Kallian couldn’t suppress the smile that was triggered by his tone. 

It grew wider as Cassie grumbled in response, something about how it was not her job, “to babysit a bunch of children.”

“He has figured out how to affect time?” Solas asked with childlike wonder, “fascinating.”

“Solas,” Kallian said with an undercurrent of danger, “now is  _ not  _ the time.” Leave it to the god of mischief to get distracted by someone learning a new way to cause chaos.

“He will be opening more rifts like this one. And they will show up further and further from Redcliffe. This magic is wildly unstable, and it will unravel the world.”

“Sounds like any Tevinter,” Bull said in a low voice. 

Dorian glared at the Qunari before continuing. “He has joined a cult of Tevinter extremists, the Venatori. And Felix has kept me informed. Everything Alexius has done has been to get to you.”

“Why?” Kallian felt dread and guilt settle onto her shoulders.  _ Everything that has happened is because of me? _

A voice from behind them spoke up, causing them to all turn, “They are obsessed with you. I don’t know why. Probably because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes.” Felix limped into the room, holding on to his side. 

Dorian rushed to his side. Helping support the weight. “If the Venatori are behind the rifts,” Dorian speculated, “they are worse than I feared.”

* * *

As soon as the party rode into Haven, Cullen could tell something was wrong. Kallian looked lost in thought, listening to the strange mage riding next to her. As soon as she slid off her horse, Kallian and Cassandra walked towards him. Meeting them halfway, he felt dread fall into his stomach at her face. Something had gone very wrong in Redcliffe. 

As soon as he reached them, Kallian looked up at him and said, “We need to have a war meeting. Now.” 

He merely nodded in response, knowing that there would be no arguing with her. Something had happened that had the Herald shaken. Cullen knew that he should have pushed harder for the templars. However, with the reports he had received in the last few days, Cullen wondered how much better the Order really would have been. 

“Dorian, come with us,” He heard her say, “we need that information.”

“Herald, do you really think it’s wise…” Cullen began to protest before being interrupted.

“Yes, Commander. I do. I will explain everything at the meeting.” The command in her voice made Cullen take a step back. Something big must have happened for her to bring a stranger back and immediately invite him into the war room. Cullen gave her a respectful nod in response.

The three of them, plus Cassandra, walked toward the war room collecting Leliana along the way. In stark contrast to the moment before, Kallian and Dorian trailed behind them, whispering.  Cullen felt a pang of jealousy. Was it just because he was a fellow mage? Would Cullen ever get to a point where she could trust him like that?

He sat through the war table meeting in baffled silence.  _ Rifts can affect time too, and mages wonder why people are so afraid of them.  _ He wanted to tell the Herald that it was not too late to ally with the templars, but that would mean they would be abandoning Redcliffe to the wiles of a Tevinter mage. 

In the end, it was decided that the Herald and a few of her Inner Circle would be leaving for Redcliffe the following morning. With a day’s ride, they would arrive in the city either late that night or early the next day. Hopefully, they would be able to deal with the situation in Redcliffe the day after tomorrow. The relative speed of this mission helped dissipate the fear that had settled like a fog over Cullen’s mind. The longer they waited to deal with the Magister, the more powerful and dangerous he could become. 

* * *

Kallian met with her friends that night in the tavern, settling into the empty spot next to Dorian with her food. Soon after she started eating, Dorian turned towards her and asked, “who will be coming with us tomorrow?”

“You’re assuming she’s going to invite you,  _ Sparkles _ ,” Varric shot back from his place across the table. 

“Well that’s just a given. The trip would be too large a bore without me, and I know enough about the magic. She would be a fool to not invite me along,” Dorrian responded with a wink. 

“You, of course, Dorian,” Kallian began the list, “Varric probably, because it’s always good to have a rogue, and Sera hates magic too much. Bull, and Solas.”

“Why are you bringing Solas? Don’t you think it would be better for him to stay here, prepare for the Breach assault?” Dorian asked, looking up. Kallian saw a look pass between him and Varric, but had no clue as to what it could mean. 

“She trusts me,  _ Magister _ ,” Solas growled as he joined their table. “Kallian knows how valuable it is to have someone she trusts around her.”

“But if I remember correctly,” Dorian retorted, “you are a rift mage. You are probably the most useful here, helping the Commander prepare for the assault.  I, on the other hand, know Alexius’ magic. I helped him to develop what he is now using to mess with the rifts.”

“Ah yes,” Solas was seething now, “you are his apprentice, aren’t you? Forgive me for questioning your loyalty.”

“Former apprentice,” Dorian corrected with a feral smile.

“So you don’t know anything about the magic he is using now. Remind me, why you are useful again?”

“Because even though I may not have worked with the magic for some time, I still know  _ way  _ more about it than you do, elf.” Dorian shot back with an easy smile that stopped any response Solas may have had. 

Kallian sat, looking back and forth between the two men as they fought. Dorian had a point. They would not need Solas’ expertise with rifts. Dorian knew about the magic that was affecting these rifts. The two men looked at her, waiting for her to make a decision. 

“Dorian is right,” she said, quietly.

“Kallian,” Solas warned, glaring at her. She could feel his wrath shift from being focused on Dorian to her. 

“Solas, you will stay here and help Cullen prepare for the assault.” Kallian tried to put a note of finality into her voice. He got up, shooting a glare at her that said,  _ we will talk about this later. _ As easy as it was for her to stand up to him out here, it was more difficult to do so in the Fade. Kallian promised herself she would not sleep that night. 

“Good,” Dorian said, distracting her from the dread. “I do not like him, Kallian. And I don’t know if you should either. Something is not right with him.” He took a drink of ale before continuing. “Who does he think he is to talk to you that way? You’re the “Herald of Andraste’.” Dorian touched her hand before continuing with a sincerity Kallian didn’t know he had. “Don’t worry Kal. Varric and I are going to make sure he doesn’t keep talking to you like that.”

Kallian could not stop the grateful smile that swelled up from within her. Fen’harel was becoming more aggressive the longer they spent with the Inquisition. It was made worse by the fact she spent all day with him, and then all night. At least since he wasn’t coming on the trip, she would have a break during the day. 

* * *

Cullen woke up from his nightmare, drenched in sweat. After trying, unsuccessfully, to fall back asleep for an hour, he decided to get up, pull on a clean tunic and breeches and go out to begin looking through his leftover work from the night before. 

As he stepped out of his tent, he saw the telltale braided hair and frame of the Herald, sitting on a ledge looking towards the lake. He walked up to her, purposely scuffing his steps and clearing his throat. Rather than turning her head at the noise, he saw her ears twitch, like a cat trying to track prey. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked him, still not turning around, patting the space next to her. 

“Nightmares,” he responded simply.”You?”

“You could say the same for me.”

“What does that mean?” he asked, looking at her quizzically.

“I tend to have strange, ah, dreams.” Her hesitation at the word dreams made Cullen even more curious, but he bit back his questions as she continued, “lately when I am not in the mood to deal with them, I don’t sleep.”

“Herald,” Cullen started, “do you think that is wise the day before an important trip?”

“Probably not,” she laughed. “But we do have one night on the road before we will arrive in Redcliffe. I can sleep then.” 

He nodded and they sat silent for a while until she broke the silence. “So, you were a templar,” she said it more as a fact than anything so Cullen just nodded. “Did you have to take vows?”

“Yes. After the vigil, templar recruits make a vow to serve the Maker and protect man from the evils of magic. Then we are given our first draught of lyrium,”  he responded lethargically, but he didn’t know if it was due to a lack of sleep, or the topic . Why was she asking about it anyway? She had never seemed interested in the Order before. 

“A life of service and sacrifice. Are templars also expected to give up… physical temptations?” she asked. Cullen could see a slight blush rise in her cheeks. It took him a moment to realize what she was asking.

Then it hit him. And once it did, every other thought blew out of his head. Why would she want to know that? Suddenly, his mind was overtaken by the images he had been trying to repress the last few weeks. 

_ Kissing with unbelievable hunger. Pinning her small form against a wall with his. Her arms wrapped around him, ripping at his tunic. Kissing her neck, her green eyes rolling back in her head.  _ His blush grew deeper as the train of thought continued. 

When he realized it had been entirely too long before he responded, he quickly stuttered, “Physical? Why…” he trailed off. Clearing his throat he continued, “Why would you ask…”  _ Maker’s breath, _ he had to get his thoughts under control. She was not asking him about this because she was interested in him, that was impossible.

Cullen took a settling breath, “That’s not expected. Templars can marry- although there are rules, and the order must give permission.  _ Some  _ may choose to give up more to prove their devotion, but it’s not required.”  _ I did not make such vows,  _ he wanted to say.  _ That is not why she is asking. She is simply curious, _ he reminded himself. His attraction to her would fade as the last of the lyrium left his system, a day that could not come too soon. His attraction to her was starting to distract him from his duties. 

“Have you?” she added casually as if she was asking him if he had eaten yet. 

“Me?” he had stopped breathing so it came out as more of a squeak. He was even more aware of her physical proximity than he was before. _Is it possible she is interested?… no. Even if she was, she is a mage and it is inappropriate. Even if I’m not a templar anymore…_ Taking a deep breath again, he said, “I, um, no. I've taken no such vows. Maker’s breath- can we speak of something else?”

Kallian let out a breathy laugh and turned. Her companions were beginning to gather near the front gates of Haven. Varric, Dorrian, and Iron Bull stood preparing their horses while Cassandra was fussing around like a mother hen. As Kallian walked toward them, Cullen noticed that Solas was missing. The Herald had mentioned his name for the potential team to go to Redcliffe. 

As his eyes swept over the waking village, he could see the elf in question lurking by the apothecary’s hut. As the group rode away, he shook his head with clear frustration and stalked back into his cabin. As Cullen observed these events, he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened overnight. He also couldn’t help the feeling of relief, knowing that the mage would not be with Kallian. He always had a twang of jealousy whenever he saw the two of them together, and as much as he wished it didn’t, Cullen felt a surge of guilt as he realized how much better he felt thinking they were not as close as he and Varric had assumed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Thanks Chuckasaurus for editing. 
> 
> I want to say that the chastity vow conversation is my favorite conversation between these two, but I love every conversation they have.
> 
> US Domestic Abuse hotline  
> 1-800-799-7233
> 
> Remember that emotional/psychological abuse is just as valid as physical abuse, and they are often precursors to more serious types of violence.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Hushed Whispers time yall. Kal and Dorian land in the future but something is distinctly wrong.

Kallian landed on the stone floor on her hands and knees hard enough to bruise. A splash disguised the solid thunk that would have gone through the room. As she gathered her bearings, Kallian became aware of the water that came up to her elbow and mid-thigh. Her knees hurt but she could tell nothing too serious was damaged. 

Leaning back to sit on her heels, Kallian felt gentle waves hitting her thighs. She was not alone in the room. Using the faint light the closing rift put out to see, Kallian looked around her. 

She heard Dorian before she saw him turning towards him when he cursed under his breath.

Kallian stood, using the remaining dregs of light to splash her way over to a torch bracket on the 

“You alright, Dorian?” she asked hoping that his injuries were no worse than hers. 

“Yeah, it’s so damn dark in here.”

Kallian felt her way over to a wall scone she had seen in the fading light of the Rift. Lighting the torch with veilfire, Kallian looked back at her companion. 

“Kallian, love, you couldn’t make the fire of a more flattering color,” he said looking up at her with a smart-ass grin. 

Kallian shot him a glare, “you’re welcome Dorian,” she said snidely. She used the torch to look around the room, carefully stepping around stone rubble that had fallen from the ceiling. “Where the hell did he send us?”

“I don’t think the question is where,” Dorian said with a dark undertone, “I think it is when.”

“Wait,” Kallian was shaking her head, thinking she had maybe hit it in her fall. “You mean that Alexius actually got the time magic to work?”

“As much as I wish I would say no, I think he did.”

Fear and nerves settled into her as she registered what he said. “Shit,” she sighed, “is there any way for us to get back?”

Dorian stared off in the distance as if he was deep in thought. “It’s possible. I would need to be as close as possible to where the spell was performed. That is going to be affected by when we are. And if he managed to send us through space as well as through time. Knowing what I do about the magic, I think if we found the place and any supplies he used I could potentially …” he trailed off when they made eye contact. “I’m sorry, I never thought he would make it this far. All that time working, I never thought it was actually possible.”

“You’re fine Dorian,” Kallian said with a small laugh, “if anything the knowledge is useful.” 

“Hopefully it will be able to get us back. I guess the first step is finding out where the hell he sent us.”

Kallian nodded and turned towards the chamber door. Holding the torch high enough to illuminate both of their paths, they made their way into the next room. 

Upon opening the door, they were greeted by a cell lined room lit by torches. Kallian dropped the veilfire, and began to peer into the gloomy cells. She walked forward towards one of them, Dorian close behind. Upon closer inspection, the cells were dimly lit by shards of that strange red lyrium they had seen around the Breach. 

At the back end of the cell, there was a large hulking Qunari. His eyes were glowing red, matching the lyrium he shared the cell with. Kallian’s eyes were immediately drawn down to the armor he was wearing. 

It was similar to the armor Bull wore a pauldron on one arm with a strap running across the chest to hold it in place. Unlike Bull, however, on the pauldron, there was a raised insignia of a wolf. This was a sigil Kallian was very familiar with, she had been seeing it almost every night since she was little. 

For some reason, this Qunari was wearing the armor of the Dread Wolf. There could be no positive explanation for that. 

“Shit,” Dorian muttered behind her, “what are they doing here?”

Kallian turned to look at him, “why? Is that a big deal?”

“Qunari and Tevinter historically do not get along. And if they are here in cells, I think we are somewhere Tevinter controlled,” Dorian said in a way that made a shiver run down Kallian’s spine. Something was  _ very  _ wrong here. 

A quick inspection showed that all of the Qunari were wearing the same armor or some form of it.  _ Pala, what has happened here?  _ Kallian thought before realizing Dorian had moved over to the door and was looking back at her expectantly. 

She made her way over to him, trying not to look into the cells to see more armor. She ran into Dorian’s back in the doorway, causing him to fall forward with a shout. Kallian looked up from his falling form to see what had shocked him. Sitting at a table in the middle of the room were four Venatori guards. 

They turned towards the door at the sound of the collision and shot up, grabbing at their weapons. 

“Shit,” Kallian hissed, channeling her staff to summon her daggers. “Cover me?” she asked Dorian, looking over at him as he pulled out his staff. He nodded in response, putting a barrier over the two of them.

Kallian fade-stepped to the space right behind the largest of the Venatori. She stabbed down with her daggers on both sides of his shoulder blades. She pulled them out as he crumpled to the ground. Kallian could hear one of his comrades grunt as if beginning his swing. She turned on her heel and positioned her daggers just in time to catch the greatsword’s sideswipe. She was only able to slow the momentum of the blade. It still bit into her side. The cut wasn’t anywhere close to being lethal, but it still made Kallian curse under her breath. 

She used her daggers to knock the blade out of the man’s hands. While he was recovering from being disarmed, she hit him on the head with one of the pommels and used the other dagger to slit the man’s throat. 

“Kallian!” Dorian shouted from where he had just defeated the other two men. He ran over to her and grabbed at her side.

“Dorian,” she said as she tried to push his hands away, “I’m fine really. He didn’t hit me that bad.”

“No offense, but shut up Kal.” He held his hand over her side and she could feel the slight sting of healing energy. She held her breath waiting for him to ask her about her birthmark which was directly below the cut. She looked down, trying to prepare an excuse for why she had a perfect wolf shaped mark on her waist. Instead, she looked down and saw that the injury was much deeper than she had originally thought, blood had run down on her side, covering the mark. Kallian let out a breath of relief. Thankful that the cut had missed the wolf but had also provided a convenient cover for it. 

“That’s all I want to do right now,” Dorian said with a regretful sigh, “I would do more, but I have a feeling we are going to run into a few more Red Templars before this is all said and done.”

After snooping around the room, it became clear that this room was the central guard station for the dungeons. Four doors led out of the room, one on each side. Three of these, including the one they came from led to cell blocks, and the fourth to a set of stairs going up to the next floor. 

“Kallian,” Dorian called to her as he walked into one of the cell blocks. She followed after him, seeing that this room was identical to the one they had seen all the Qunari in except rather than the bulky warriors, she saw Cassie, Bull, and Varric. 

Kallian pushed past Dorian and rushed towards Varric’s cell. “Varric!” she yelled as she fell to her knees in front of the door. 

“Hey Kal, you look amazing for someone who’s been dead for a year,” he said, forcing a laugh. The humor did not reach his eyes, which held a profound sadness that Kallian had never seen in him before. 

There was a strange red glow that was leaching the color out of his irises. Now that she had seen it, she noticed that a similar red glow was marbled across his skin as if whatever was glowing was in his blood. 

She quickly unlocked the door to his cell and moved on to Cassandra. The Seeker’s eyes had the same strange red glow but rather than sadness, she was angry. The look softened slightly when Kallian knelt in front of the door.

After unlocking the Seeker’s cell, she left Dorian to help the woman and moved onto Bull’s cell. The Qunari looked a little worse for wear than the other two. On his chest and shoulders, little crystals of red lyrium had started to break through his skin. 

The thing that Kallian had feared had proven true. The red lyrium had somehow made it into their bodies and was eating them from the inside out. 

The group made their way back into the central guard room. They walked in just as a troop of ten guards walked in. 

“Son of a bitch,” Bull said as the guards began to notice them. He let out a great bellowing war cry as he ducked his head and charged at the guards pulling their weapons. He rammed into a warrior who was flung back into the wall. The guard dropped his great sword on impact and Bull picked it up without hesitation. 

Kallian let out a small smile seeing her friend charge into battle seemingly without fear. Kallian summoned her bow prepared to cover the Qunari when Varric tensed up behind her. 

“Andraste’s FUCKING tits,” he yelled running forward. Kallian watched as his skin became even more luminescent than it was before. Kallian tracked where he was heading and saw that the tenth guard had fully come into the room. In his arms, he was awkwardly holding a large familiar crossbow. 

“Nobody touches Bianca but ME!” Varric screamed jumping onto the guards back. Kallian looked towards the other guards as Varric put the man holding Bianca in a chokehold.

A guard holding a broad sword ran towards Kallian and Cassie. Kallian converted her bow into a set of twin daggers and caught the guard’s swing above her head. The wound on her side twinged and Kallian could feel a trickle of blood. 

“Fen’harel ver na,” Kallian hissed at him, twisting her daggers, knocking the sword out of the guard’s hands. The sword clattered to the floor, Kallian put her foot on it and slid it towards Cassie. The warrior picked up the sword and ran toward Bull, helping the Qunari on the frontlines. 

Kallian slit the throat of the man in front of her and put a hand to the cut on her side. She looked forward and saw the Qunari warrior had taken out six of the guards single-handedly. The corners of Kallian’s mouth turned up as she remembered this is why she recruited the man in the first place. 

After checking everyone to make sure they were uninjured, Kallian led the group into the final cell block. Similarly to the other two rooms they had been in, this one had four cells lining the walls, two of which were occupied. Fiona stood, encased in a spire of red lyrium in one, and Josie was in the other sending a stab of terror into Kallian’s heart. 

While Fiona looked at them with some semblance of recognition and clarity, Josie had none. She was stuck in place by red lyrium that was attached to her hands and feet. Her eyes darted around the room, tracking unseen objects, and she was muttering under her breath. As Kalian walked towards the woman’s cell, she could see that red lyrium had grown out of her skull around the top of her head, forming a perverse crown. 

“Josie,” Kallian whispered, hoping to catch the ambassador’s attention. She had walked fully up to the bars of the cage wall and began to glance back at her companions, hoping one of them would know what to do. 

As she turned her head she could make out a few of the words that Josie was muttering, “next target is Haven, then to South Reach before marching on Denerim. Yes, take out all the holds so the king has fewer to turn to. Branches taking out other branches.”

“Josie,” Kallian repeated, louder this time. 

“She can’t hear you,” Fiona rasped as though it had been days since she last had anything to drink. “The Elder One and Alexius just use her as a brain now. She just analyzes different strategic advantages and disadvantages all day.”

“Fiona,” Cassie began with a stern edge to her voice, “why were we less affected than you or Josephine?”

“Alexius can control how much red lyrium we are exposed to. The more exposure, the faster you waste away.” Fiona responded sadly. Kallian knew that the mage had given up on any chance of rescue long ago. 

“Got something for you, Boss,” Bull called from in front of one of the empty cells. “Someone was in here until recently.”

“How can you tell?” Kallian asked. 

“Ben-Hassrath, remember?” He said with a slight smirk. “There is less dust on the hay and there are fresh food crumbs near the door.” He pointed to each object as he spoke. “That cell over there,” he said pointing to the other unoccupied cell, “has been vacant for several months.”

_ So others have been here and could be alive or dead.  _ Kallian thought to herself, dread falling into her stomach. Would she share the same fate as Josie or Fiona if Alexius captured her? What about her friends? Cullen? He had a strong military mind, so Kallian was sure he would just end up as a data analyst as well. 

“The Guards took your spymaster hours ago,” Fiona was growing weaker and each word that she pushed out was clearly becoming harder to breathe. 

“Where did they go?” Kallian asked, fearing the worst. 

“Probably to torture her for information,“ Cassie said with a sharp edge to her voice.

“We’ll find her Cassie, don’t worry,” Varric said with a comforting glance to the Seeker. “Who was in the other cell?” He asked Fiona.

“It was your Commander.” Kallian sucked in a shocked breath, eyes darting up to look at Fiona. 

“Was?” She asked.

“He was taken several months ago and didn’t come back the same.” Fiona’s voice was somber. Kallian got the impression that whatever had happened to him was a fate worse than death. “You must go find Leliana. It is too late for me, but she may still be helped.” Tears shone in Fiona’s eyes as she looked at Kallian and Dorian. 

_ She isn’t really suggesting that we leave her here, is she?  _ Kallian thought to herself.  _ It would be so easy to get her out of here. We would just have to unlock the door. Varric could do it in a second. Bull could break the red lyrium. We could use another mage. We can’t leave her here. _

Kallian opened her mouth to begin her protest when she felt a soft touch on her arm. She turned towards it and saw Dorian silently beckoning her and the rest of her friends flanking him, resignation in their eyes. She nodded at them in response, leading them out the door and up the stairs on the other side of the guard station. 

The group ascended out of the damp dungeon, into a cold stone hallway. Kallian could hear faint rustling and yelling, turning to walk her group toward it. 

It was clear that intense fighting had taken place in the halls. Soot lined the stone walls making it seem like they had weathered explosions. Kallian ran her finger across one of the scorch marks noting its tackiness. The fighting had either happened a long time ago or had begun a long time ago. 

Pieces of the Dread Wolf armor Kalllian and Dorian had encountered earlier lay scattered around, many surrounded by pools or streaks of dark blood. Kallian picked up a pauldron shaped like the one Bull normally wore. Turning it over in her hand, she could see the stylized portrait of Fen’harel carved into the outside. 

Turning toward Bull, Kallian asked, “have you ever seen heraldry on Qunari armor before, Bull?”

He took the piece from her hands running a thumb over the carving. “Can’t say I have, Boss.”

Kallian nodded her head in resignation. She thought she would have noticed if the Qunari were worshiping the Dread Wolf before now. If she hadn’t heard of it from her clan, she hoped Bull would have told her. Then again, he was a Ben Hassrath. A spy. How much could she actually trust him? She narrowed her eyes in suspicion before shaking her head. Even if he hadn’t told her that the Qun followed the Dread Wolf, she would have known because she is a Chosen. Even though there was much she didn’t know about the god’s plans, she thought something as monumental as this should have come up. 

No this was something that had happened during the last year. Of that Kallian was almost certain. 

A cry of pain echoed down the hall, causing all of them to look up. They were getting closer. Kallian peered around a corner, seeing a door with two guards stationed outside of it. Kallian looked down at Varric, crouched below her. If he could take out one of them, Kallian could handle the other. He nodded at her as if he could read her mind to know what the plans were. Kallian pulled out the dagger she kept attached to her belt. This needed to be fast, too fast to use her normal enchanter weapons. 

She took a deep steadying breath before fade-stepping to the empty space next to one of the guards. She slid her dagger in between his ribs and up into his heart as a bolt from Bianca hit the other guard square in the eye with a muffled thump. Neither guard had the chance to even think about drawing their broad swords or bows. 

Kallian waved her companion’s forward, opening the door to investigate the source of the noise they had heard since coming up the stairs. 

They were greeted by the sight of Leliana hanging by her wrists from the ceiling. A guard was standing in front of her, a whip in one hand and a mean-looking club in the other. He turned towards the sound of the door. Leliana used the man’s momentary distraction to wrap her legs around the man’s head. A single movement of her thighs let out a resounding crack and the man went limp, falling to the floor below her. 

She relaxed her legs and fell to the ground. Kallian was marveled, wondering how the hell the woman had unlocked her own restraints from that angle. 

Her breath rushed out of her lungs as Leliana walked towards her. It looked as though something had sucked all the vitality out of the spymaster. The skin on her face was loose and wrinkled, missing all the natural blush she had in her cheeks. 

Leliana looked at her without the slightest trace of surprise or confusion in her eyes. Kallian looked back at her, wondering how exactly the spymaster could school her emotions to the point where she looked neutral in the face of a great shock. 

“You’re alive,” the spymaster stated, more as a fact than a question.

“We never died in the first place,” Kallian responded, full of concern for her friend. “Alexius miscalculated.”

“Then it will be his last mistake,” Leliana said coldly, pushing past Kallian and Dorian. Usually, Leliana walked around with a frightening amount of ease. Now she walked as if she carried the weight of all of Thedas with each step.

“What’s the plan?” She asked, looking at each of them in turn and rubbing her wrist where the shackle bit into her skin. 

“Um, we are trying to get to the main hall. Dorian believes that if we can return to the exact location Alexius set us forward in time, we should be able to use that to go back.” Kallian answered while Dorian nodded his head in confirmation from over her right shoulder. 

“Let’s go then. I’ve been here before, I know where we are going.” She said curtly. Leliana walked out the door back into the main hallway pausing only briefly to stoop and retrieve the bow from one of the door guards.

Kallian jogged to catch up. As she did Leliana began to speak to her. “How well do you know Solas, Kallian?”

The warning bells began to ring in her head, a million questions flooding in. How had Fen’harel got so much power in the course of a year? Why did it seem like the Qunari were working for him? “Not very well, I only just met him after the Conclave,” she lied, praying that Leliana wouldn’t notice. Kallian was worried she hesitated too long while she answered. 

Leliana looked at her for a moment, as if she didn’t believe her. “After you disappeared it was like a switch flicked in him. He left Haven with no explanation. We looked for him because we thought he would be able to help us close the Breach. He has always seemed to know so much about the magic,” Leliana was studying her face while she talked.

Kallian guessed she was looking for some kind of reaction. Kallian was determined to not show any. Instead, she just shook her head, beckoning Leliana to continue. 

“We couldn’t find him so we decided to go through with the Breach assault anyway. Better to try. He was there, waiting in the Temple. At first, we were excited, we thought he had come to help us. But he kept putting up walls between us and the Breach itself. Anytime we would break through, he would attack and reform them. 

“The Elder One’s army flanked us. Solas just stood there watching as our army was slaughtered. The only reason I don’t think he was working with the enemy is that whenever they got too close he would attack them, too. Eventually, our forces were decimated and we were forced to surrender. They brought us, the advisors, here to torture and use us.”

Kallian couldn’t stop the horror and fear that leaked through the walls she had tried to put up. “We saw Josie,” she said, voice wavering. “But we didn’t see the Commander. Where is he?” her voice sounded tiny, drowning in a sea of fear. 

“He was kept in a cell near mine until the Elder One’s lieutenant, a man named Samson, showed up. He took Cullen and we didn’t see him again for a long time. When he came back he was different. He was wearing Templar armor again, only it was infused with Red Lyrium.” Leliana took a deep breath, shaking with a rare amount of emotion. “He told them about Josie. Helped them do that to her. He helped torture us.” 

She could feel tears forming in her eyes and a few escaping to run down her face. “Leli,” she began, unable to find the words to comfort her friend. “I-”

“I just wanted to warn you, in case we ran into him.” 

Kallian nodded in response, “Thank you, Leli.” 

They came up to the main hall entrance when Kallian started to hear the shouting of Venitori forces running down the hallway toward them. 

“Go, get through the Rift. Prevent this,” Cassie hissed as she drew her broadsword. It looked painfully inadequate without the warrior’s typical sword and shield duo. Kallian knew that the Seeker was a competent warrior but wondered at her ability when handicapped like this. 

“There has to be another way,” Kallian watched as Bull and Varric readied their weapons, moving to stand next to Cassie. “I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me.”

“Kal, please,” Varric said, looking up at her as he hoisted Bianca up. 

Dorian and Leliana grabbed her arms, pulling her back towards the door. “No, I won’t let you die for me. We can find another way.” She was pleading now, tears falling freely down her face. They couldn’t waste their lives dying for someone like her. She was a failure and a fraud. 

“Boss,” Bull looked at her sadly. “We died the moment you fell through the Rift. The only way to save us is to keep this from happening.”

Kallian let herself be dragged into the main hall and watched the door close on her friends. Moments later she could hear the sound of swords hitting swords as the Venatori made it to the foyer outside the main hall. For a while, it sounded like they were doing well as Dorian started to cast the spell on the dais. 

He lifted up his staff and the end of it began to glow. A ribbon of energy connected the crystal on his staff to the air in front of it. Kallian could feel the energy of the room begin to shift as the rift opened, the Anchor began to tingle.

“Curly,” she could faintly hear Varric outside the door. Her stomach dropped as if filled with iron. 

“Cullen, please,” Cassie said. Kallian heard a thump and Bull’s enraged Battlecry before it too was cut out. 

The doors swung open and Cullen walked in. His hair was slightly ruffled from fighting but still slicked back into his signature pouf. His eyes, normally a pure gold, were glowing red in the same way her friend’s eyes were. Blood was splattered across his face and dripping down the length of his sword. His armor was a marbled red and black, the red portions glowing like Varric’s eyes had. 

Through the gap in the doors behind him, Kallian could see piles of Venatori soldiers surrounding the bloody bodies of her three friends. 

“Cullen,” Kallian whimpered, bringing the man’s attention to her for the first time. He stopped in his tracks, face softening with awed recognition. 

“Kallian…” He said in return. He began to lower his sword and shield, red corruption fading from his eyes.

“ _ Rutherford!”  _ A man in matching armor hissed, walking into the room. He put a hand on Cullen’s shoulder and the change in the Commander’s demeanor was instant. His eyes hardened and the gold in his eyes was again tinged red as the lyrium raged through his blood. 

“Leli, watch out!” Kallian shouted, jumping forward only to be pulled back by Dorian.

“You move, we all die!” he shouted at her. The rift connected to his staff was a growing, swirling green and black mass. 

She turned back around. Leliana was blocking Cullen’s swings with her bow, the wood splintering off. Kallian was amazed to see she was holding her own remarkably well. Kallian still summoned her bow, nocking an arrow. She could not get a shot off on the warrior who had walked in after Cullen. He was careful to keep his body behind Leliana's, presuming that she would not risk her friend. 

Tears burned in the corner of her eyes as she turned to aim at Cullen. She pulled back the bowstring as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. As she released the arrow, Dorian put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her into the rift behind him. 

* * *

Kallian and Dorian landed on the dais in the main hall of Redcliffe.

“Kaffas!” Alexius exclaimed falling backward slightly at their sudden appearance. Kallian quickly walked over and hit him with the blunt end of her staff, rendering him unconscious. 

Her companions and Inquisition Scouts made quick work of the Venatori guards stationed around the room. All the enemy agents were led out of the room to await trial. 

Kallian looked down the few steps that distinguished the dais from the rest of the room and saw Cassie, Bull, and Varric. Their eyes were no longer glowing from lyrium corruption and they all seemed to be unharmed. 

“Let's go home,” Kallian sighed with relief. As they collected themselves and began to walk towards the door, a group of guards in Fereldan armor walked in. They lined the perimeter of the room while marching in a uniform way that could only be achieved by the most skilled of armies. Kallian felt a slight fear and annoyance at the possibility of her day becoming harder or more complex than it already was. 

Then a herald standing by the door hit his cane on the ground, calling them all to attention. “His Royal Majesty Alistair Therein, King of Fereldan.”

“Maker save us,” Kallian heard from behind her as she bowed in reverence towards the man who walked in the room.

~~~~~~~~

That night Kallian woke up in the Fade after what was probably the most exhausting day of her life. After they made camp halfway between Redcliffe and Haven, she fell asleep almost immediately.

She was once again in the uncomfortable position of being wrapped in Fen’harel’s arms. When he noticed she was awake, he whispered into her ear, “Kallian, I am glad you made it.” 

She moved forward, out of the circle of his arms, standing up. “We need to talk, Fen’harel.”

He looked up at her before rising the same level. “What about?”

“I need to know what your plans are.”  _ And I’m not going to stop asking until you tell me this time,  _ she added silently. 

“Kallian,” there was a note of warning in his voice now. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I saw the future, Fen’harel. I have seen the potential results of your plan.”

“This is why you should have brought me along, Ara’esha. I could have saved you.”

Kallian flinched at the endearment. “No more games, what are your plans?” Her voice got louder the angrier she became.

“Kallian, I told you before, you need to trust me,” his voice was beginning to have a note of exacerbation. “It is too dangerous for you to know the full plan.” His voice took on a tone of despair, “why can't you see that I am just trying to protect you?”

“It is even more dangerous for me _ not to _ . We have passed the point where keeping me in the dark was protecting me. I’ve seen what happens. What you let happen.”

Kallian’s head snapped to the right with a painful sting on her left cheek. She lifted one of her own hands to her face in shock. She could feel tears beginning to form in her left eye as she looked at the Dread Wolf. He looked shocked. Staring down at the offending hand as if it had moved of its own volition. 

“Fen’Harel?” the tears that had been gathering began to spill. He reached towards her but she violently jerked away. 

He looked up, meeting her eyes, taking a small step forward like a hunter approaches a wounded animal. “I’m so sorry, Kallian. You just made me so angry I couldn’t control myself. I would never want to hurt you. To hurt you would be to hurt Ara’lin.”

“You hit me,” she was confused. He had never acted like that before, even though there were plenty of times that she had gotten him that angry.

“I’m sorry, Kallian. I just need you to understand. I am trying to do what is best for you. For  _ us _ .” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in.

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t question you like that.” Kallian whispered, cursing herself for being so aggressive. She knew he wouldn’t answer her questions if she asked like that. She would have to be more careful about how she approached the topic next time.

They stood like that for a while. Fen’harel whispering more endearments into her ear and stroking her hair. The stinging in her cheek was replaced by a crawling all over her skin as he used language normally reserved for the most intimate of relationships. It had become clear since the Conclave that he was interested in a more physical and intimate relationship than they had ever had before. Due to her relationship with her clan, she had never been serious with anyone, but she had heard about them. The other women in the clan talked about how electricity would dance across their skin and they would get goosebumps as if they were cold when their lover touched them. With Fen’harel, it felt more like she was covered in spiders, building their webs.

She knew she needed to tell him that she wanted it to stop, lest she lead him on further, but how does one say “no” to a god?

~~~~~~~~

Kallian emerged from her tent the next morning to see her companions already starting to prepare breakfast. Dorian patted the spot next to him sleepily, beckoning her to join him. 

As she sat down he was looking at her strangely, then with alarm.

“What happened to your cheek?” he asked in a concerned voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Y'all. I know it has been forever since I last posted. And the last time I did post, it was up for like an hour and then got deleted. Well, it has been a crazy couple of weeks. We went on a mini-vacation (safely I promise) just before the first version of CH 6 went up. When I published chapter 6 right after that it became very clear very quickly that it was not something I was proud of. Frankly, it was bad.   
> Then as I was rewriting and getting ready to publish this version, the town I live in got hammered by a storm and we were without power for almost 5 days. (We were very lucky and the power outage was the worst of our worries.)  
> This past week I started school again. I will probably move to a Sunday posting schedule as a result. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and thank you to Chuckasaurus for beta reading. 
> 
> Elvhen translations  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Fen'harel ver an - Dread Wolf take you  
> Ara'esha - partner/lover (lit. my person)  
> Ara'lin - myself/ my person


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party returns. The Breach assault and some angst.

Cullen woke early after another night of fitful sleep. He should have been able to sleep better due to the sheer relief brought on by the Herald sending word that she would be returning today with Fiona and the other mages in tow. 

This was not the case. His dream from the night before had not been the typical one that transported him back to Kinlock Tower. This is what he expected. He prepared for those dreams. The night prior had been something completely different.

_ Cullen stood looking over the side of a stone bridge. He was back in the village of Honnleath from his youth. The town square was filled with a lively farmers market, a stark contrast to Cullen’s memories. Searching through the market, Cullen found what he was looking for, the pedestal that had once held a golem was empty.  _

_ A figure in white emerged from the crowded market stalls and made her way over to him. Kallian smiled when she saw him looking at her. She was dazzling in a white frock that was draped flatteringly over her lithe frame. Her wine-colored hair was braided back in her typical fashion, green eyes sparkling.  _

_ She slid her arms around his neck when she reached him. Her left hand was mark free and he could feel no magic radiating from it.  _

_ His arms wrapped around her waist like it was the most natural thing in the world. She pulled him down and pressed a chaste but firm kiss to his lips. Although this should have surprised him, he leaned into it, as if this was something he did all the time.  _

_ He brought his arms up to the sides of her face only to find her crying. He pulled back to ask her what was wrong. But before he got the opportunity, there was a sharp pain in his side forcing him to stagger backward until he fell prone. There was an arrow sticking out from between his ribs.  _

_ “I’m so sorry, Cullen,” Kallian sobbed, falling to her knees beside him. There was something wrong, the arrow was so deep as if it had been shot out of a bow rather than stabbed with a hand.  _

_ As his vision faded to black he could hear her continued sobs, echoing off the surrounding buildings.  _

He woke up rubbing at his side as a phantom pinching sensation moved away from the area. He never thought he would ask for the Kinloch dreams to come back, but that morning he did. Being tempted by happiness only to have it ripped away was less painful when it was revealed to be a demon afterward. 

He had expected a Kinloch dream after hearing from the Herald the day before. In her note, Kallian mentioned how she offered the rebellion a full alliance; they would not be forced into circles or made Tranquil as they had been in the past. Rather, they would be allowed to coexist as free members of the Inquisition. Every part of his training rebelled against the idea of free mages being allowed to roam unchecked. 

_ Calm down,  _ Cullen thought to himself,  _ you aren’t a templar anymore. It is not your job to watch over mages. Just to organize the Inquisition’s forces, which includes mages now. Don’t let your opinions be tainted by Meredith. She was mad. _

After pulling his armor on, he walked out of his tent and towards the table he and Solas had been using to plan the attack. He was not at all surprised to see that Solas was already standing there, working. 

It wasn’t strange for the elf to be up early. He had been awake before Cullen almost every day since the expedition had left. Today, however, the elf lacked his typical strong confident stance. In fact, his motions appeared jerky and aggressive, a stark contrast to his usual grace and ease. Cullen could practically see the tension rippling off the man’s body. He had seen similar signals from templars in Kirkwall. He had worn it himself on some occasions of interacting with Hawke and her friends. It was clear Solas was angry about something. 

“Good morning, Solas,” Cullen said as he approached, “Is everything alright?” In an instant, Solas’ body language changed. Cullen watched as within a split second, his movements became smooth, his stance more relaxed as he tried to hide the frustration from Cullen.

“Commander,” Solas greeted him coolly, “why would everything not be alright?” One of the elf’s ears twitched as he turned to look at Cullen. “Commander, I’ve been thinking, We need the mages to lend Kallian strength so she can close the Breach.” Solas looked up at him as if expecting something. 

Seeing this Cullen replied, exacerbated, “yes Solas, I know that.” He was getting frustrated with the mage. Normally he could brush it off when Solas talked to him as if he was a child. However, it was more difficult when he was confronted with it first thing in the morning, especially after a poor night’s sleep. 

“Well,” Solas said with condescending patience, “I was looking at this map of the temple, there is a ridge here that runs around the basin of the temple.” He looked towards Cullen as if waiting for him to show he understands. Cullen nodded, irritated. “We can line the ring with mages, then have Kallian stand in the bottom in front of the Breach. From that vantage point, they can focus on her from all angles.” 

Cullen nodded in agreement, looking down the path the Herald and her party would be walking up soon. 

“From this angle, the mages will also have an advantage on any foe that might come through the Breach,” Solas finished. Cullen just nodded his agreement, he hoped that the less he said, the sooner Solas would leave. They had gone over the plan so many times, he could probably run through it blindfolded. 

Fortunately, only a few minutes passed before Solas had walked away, saying he wanted to meditate before Kallian returned. Cullen lost himself in the maps Solas had been annotating. As little as he trusted the mage, he was a good strategist. The plan he had drawn up was as good as any Cullen could have produced.

Before he knew it the watchtower guard announced their arrival. They were back. He looked down the path, squinting into the rising sun. She was riding at the lead, Dorian next to her. They looked to be talking animatedly. Good. That meant things had probably gone well. 

As the group got closer, Cullen finally made eye contact with Kallian. The smile that had been on her face quickly faded and the conversation she had been having with Dorian was cut off. All the color drained from her cheeks and she spurred her horse past his table, barely even giving him a second glance. 

That was weird. The last time he had seen her, they had been talking amicably. He thought they were flirting. Why was he now getting the cold shoulder? He was about to call out to her, ask what was wrong when she dismounted and looked over to him. 

Their eyes met and he could see pure sorrow in hers. Cullen couldn’t help but feel that he had somehow caused it. His happiness at seeing her party return disappeared entirely, replaced by the strong stabbing sensation on his side. What had happened in Redcliffe? 

A short time later a messenger came to the training grounds to tell him that the Herald was asking for an immediate war table meeting. But why hadn’t she told Cullen this when she arrived? They had seemed to be on friendlier terms when she left. Had something changed so drastically in such a short amount of time? The others, as well as Dorian, were already waiting for him in the war room. Cullen tried to shake his uneasy feeling. The best way to find out what was going on was by going to be the meeting. 

As he walked into the war room he immediately felt the tense energy radiating off Kallian. As soon as he entered and the doors were closed, Kallian began to tell of what happened, aided by Dorian. 

“Alexius forced us through a rift that moved us through time. We ended up about a year in the future. A dark future. We were in the dungeons of the castle and managed to find and help Bull, Cassie, and Varric.”

_ This is what Meredith was worried about. This is why the templars existed. This is why the circles exist. Mages are dangerous.  _

_ Wait, no.  _ Cullen broke through his spiraling thoughts. No,  _ Meredith was wrong. She went too far.  _ He looked at Kallian. She was not dangerous. She was giving so much to help them. She had smiled and trusted him, even though she knew he had been a templar. She was not dangerous. 

Kallian’s face was neutral as if she was numb to all the things they had witnessed. Cullen couldn’t blame her, Cullen got this way sometimes when he had to talk about his past. 

Dorian cut in to give Kallian a break when he seemed to think she needed it. “There were also strange Qunari in the cells. They were wearing armor that I had never seen before. Bull wasn't familiar with it either,” he explained. The two of them had seemingly gotten closer, and hearing the story, Cullen could understand why.

“We also found Josie and Fiona in another room, but it was too late for us to help them. It was clear that Alexius just rounded up all the Inquisition leaders. We managed to find Leliana.” Kallian’s voice was breaking now. “We made our way back to the main hall and Dorian managed to open up a rift that brought us back here.” 

Dorian nodded at Kallian and put an arm around her comfortingly. 

“You said they caught all the Inquisition leaders,” Leliana probed, “what about the Commander?”

Cullen hadn’t even thought to ask, but Leliana was right, he hadn’t been mentioned. He looked at Kallian who refused to meet his stare. She had a pained expression and seemed to be holding her breath. 

“It was too late to save him too,” Dorian said forcefully holding Kallian close to his side. There was more to the story than either of them were willing to admit, but Cullen got the feeling that now was not the time to force the issue. 

For the remainder of the meeting, Kallian refused to even look at him as they planned the Breach assault. Despite his many attempts to engage her in the planning, she barely acknowledged him. They would march at first light tomorrow. If they met no resistance, they could be back by mid-afternoon. As he walked out into the afternoon sun, a cold chill ran through Cullen’s body knowing everything would be over one way or another by this time tomorrow. 

He looked at the road in front of him and saw Kallian walking towards the front gates. 

“Herald!” He called after her, hoping that she would slow so they could talk. Instead, his voice had the opposite effect. She broke into a light jog going out the gate and into the woods near the training grounds. He was going to chase after her when he thought better of it, stopping at the training fields. If she didn’t want to talk to him right now, he wouldn’t force her.

* * *

Kallian cursed her own cowardice as she ran away from the Commander. Instinct took her to the woods just outside of the camp. She knew she would have to face him - and what she did to him - eventually. But if she tried to right now, she would probably break down. 

She found a tree that was just deep enough in the woods to avoid being easily found, but not so far she couldn’t hear the clang of swords. She felt childish. Everything that she had seen and done would never happen. They stopped it from happening the moment they made it back through the Rift. She never shot him. He never died because of her. All of her friends were still alive. 

She could feel herself drifting into a meditative state. Her mind flipping through memories from her childhood. She closed her eyes, giving herself over to the memories. 

_ A ten-year-old Kallian ran through the underbrush, branches breaking away. After what felt like hours, she slowed. Her young muscles had been pushed to the point of exhaustion. She collapsed against a fallen ironwood tree.  _

_ Kallian couldn’t believe what had just happened. Her mother. She had been fine. Everything had been fine. She had been quietly playing in their avarel while her mother was on a hunting trip. She had heard the hunters coming back into the clan, so she slipped out trying to see her mother.  _

_ Her mother wasn’t with the others. She could see the Keeper talking to them. The Keeper looked over at Kallian, tears beginning to fall.  _

_ Deshanna walked towards her. Gesturing for Kallian to follow her past the avaral and towards the fire. Kallian sat next to the Keeper on a log, watching as tears ran down the woman’s face. What could Deshanna have to tell her that would make her so upset? _

_ “Da’assan,” She began with a deep breath, taking Kallian’s small hand into her own, “there has been an accident.” _

_ Kallian’s blood ran cold. Why hadn’t her Mother been with the other hunters? “What happened?” she asked, voice barely a whisper.  _

_ “Your mother, she was trailing her prey along the edge of a cliff when a section broke out from under her. By the time the other hunters got to her, it was too late.” Deshanna placed a comforting arm over Kallian’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”  _

_ Kallian shot to her feet, startling the Keeper and drawing the glances of many from the clan. She could hardly believe what she just heard. Her mother was dead. Before she knew it, she was through the trees at the edge of the clearing.  _

_ Tears were blurring her view of the greenery in front of her. Kallian couldn’t seem to get enough air into her lungs. It felt like she was being crushed. Black was creeping in the edges of her vision, the world fading away.  _

_ Faintly she heard leaves crunching under wrapped feet. The person they belonged to bent over her, lightly rubbing her arm to rouse her. She peeled open her tear crusted eyes looking up at her savior. It took a minute for her eyes to focus on the sunset illuminated elf. When they did, she saw Fen’harel.  _

_ “Come along, Da Fenlin,” he whispered, picking her up with an arm under her legs and behind her back. The next thing she knew she was waking up in the Chosen’s avarel surrounded by the quiet noise of the land ship moving as it was dragged by the halla.  _

* * *

Cullen spent hours hoping that Kallian would come out of the woods and at least look at him.  Instead, he had watched her walk out of the woods with Solas, the male supporting her weight . He could see the pale streaks from tears running down her normally tan cheeks. Cullen was about to walk towards her to see what was wrong when Solas looked at him. He expected a territorial look, one that snarled for him to back off. Instead, the mage had a smug smile that stopped Cullen in his tracks. The look seemed to say,  _ I am the one that helped her. You will only ever hurt her.  _

He watched as the two elves walked back into the village, towards the Herald’s cabin. He watched as she pushed away from him, supporting her own weight into the cabin. He couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on his face when Solas went to follow her in and Kallian shut the door in his face. Solas stood there for a while as if hoping the door would magically open. It didn’t. 

The pause in his work made Cullen aware of how hungry he was. When was the last time he had eaten? He walked towards the tavern, catching a glimpse of Varric and Dorian sitting at a table in the corner. Cullen grabbed a bowl of stew and a mug of ale before walking over to join them. 

“Good of you to join us, Commander,” Dorian said in a low voice. “I was afraid I would have to spoon-feed you while you crouched over those maps.” The mage winked at Cullen, making him blush. 

“There is something I wanted to ask you, Dorian.” There was no reason for Cullen to beat around the bush. 

“Oh? I’m intrigued,” Dorian said with a light laugh. 

“Is there a reason why Kallian would be avoiding me? Something that didn’t make its way into the report?”

All the light left Dorian’s eyes and Varric cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable.

“Ah, that,” Dorian began with a sigh. “We ran into more people in the future than we wrote in the report. Understand, what we left out isn’t critical to our end goal. Kallian and Cassandra thought that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to leave that out. For one, we found Josephine there. They had exposed her to a lot of red lyrium, more than the rest. She was being used by Alexius and the Elder One to make strategies. She was nothing more than a brain. And…” Dorian trailed off looking to Varric for help. 

“Sparkles, I’m sorry but I wasn’t there. I only know what you and Kallian have told me” Varric replied. 

Dorian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was clear that whatever he was about to say was taking a lot of courage to get out. Cullen tried to give him what he thought was a reassuring smile.

“You were there, Commander. To make it out, Cassie, Bull, and Varric tried to hold the door to the main hall. And they did for a time. But the doors opened and you walked in wearing some weird red armor. Kallian tried to get through to you and for a minute it seemed like it worked. At least we thought it did. Then someone else came in and it was like your soul left you.” Dorian paused for a breath. 

“It sounded like red lyrium, Curly. And a shit ton of it.” Varric said. 

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen said, “I thought we got rid of the last of that shit in Kirkwall.” Varric could only shake his head sadly. Cullen nodded at Dorian to continue.

“You started to come towards us with your sword. Leliana couldn’t hold off you and the other attacker, and Kalli...” Dorian paused as if he didn’t want to say the next thing. Cullen wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it. “She shot you. Right before we were pulled into the rift.”

“Oh,” Cullen said. It made sense now. “I’m just another templar who killed her friends.”

“No, Curly,” Varric butt in. “She feels bad that she killed you. You were another one of her friends who she couldn’t save.” 

_ Oh.  _

* * *

Kallian stood by the gates of Haven, waiting for her companions to grab their weapons and prepare for the Breach assault. They had drawn up a battle plan. Solas had coached her on what to expect. All that was left was to actually march. The soldiers looked nervous standing next to the mages who were also preparing to march. She couldn’t help but look over at Cullen who was inspecting the rows of soldiers who were lined up behind her, glaring at the ones who looked like they were moving to “control” the mages. Kallian could feel the lyrium powers itching at her skin

He looked over as if he could feel her eyes. Cullen gave her a small smile and a nod. Kallian would have to deal with what happened eventually.  _ Later,  _ she told herself,  _ after the Breach assault.  _

She smiled as the rest of her Inner Circle filled out behind her. Once everyone was present, Kallian nodded to Cullen to let him know they were ready. He gave the order and the small force began its way up the hill.

The march was short and went by surprisingly fast. Kallian and her inner circle rested outside the Temple of Sacred Ashes, eating a light meal before the actual trial. 

When it came time to actually enter the Temple, Kallian was ready. She conjured her bow, arrow ready, quietly sliding along the wall. The ruins were surprisingly quiet. No demons popped out to greet them. In fact, the place was eerily abandoned. Only the quiet beating of the Breach itself could be heard. 

“It can’t be this easy,” Kallian whispered skeptically. “Right? There is no way.”

“Kal, after everything we’ve been through, I would not be looking at this particular gift horse in the mouth.” Dorian chided from behind her. 

“I’m sure Chuckles can summon a demon if you’re really hankering to fight one.” Varric mused, earning a dark scowl from Solas. 

Kallian pushed down the smile that threatened to bubble up at her friend’s joke. It would not be worth having to face Fen’harel’s wrath later.

By this time they had made it down into the basin of the temple. Kallian could see Cullen arranging the mages in the formation he and Solas had come up with. She looked directly behind her to see her inner circle, forming a half-circle behind her. Dorian and Vivienne had stepped forward, their staffs out, ready for the signal. Solas walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, comforting energy moving through her. 

She looked up at him and saw not the eyes of Solas, the mage she had only known for a few months, but Fen'harel, the mentor she’s known for years. He leaned forward and placed an unexpected kiss on her brow causing her to blush and look around. It was one thing for him to be intimate with her in private, and another for it to happen in public. Kallian saw a disgusted look pass between Varric and Dorian. They must have seen the intimate moment. She knew that neither man liked the elf, but this seemed more extreme. 

“Kallian,” Solas said, leashing her thoughts that had begun to wonder, “it’s time.”

Kallian looked upward, raising her left hand as Solas and Cullen shouted the commands. The mages all lifted their staffs, beams of white like connecting her to them. The energy of a hundred mages rushed into her body shocking her system slightly. There had never been anything like it, she felt  _ unstoppable _ like she could do anything she set her mind to. And right now she wanted to close the Breach. A string of energy attached her palm to the hole in the sky and began to sew it closed like a healer with a battle wound. 

As expected, the Breach fought back. Pain shot down her arm causing her to cry out. She could feel her vision beginning to tunnel, the pain attempting to make her pass out.

No. She wouldn’t let the Breach distract her like this. She could see the thread attaching her hand to the Breach was winding tighter around the hole in the sky. She only had to last a little bit longer. Suddenly, the pain faded away, and a memory from her childhood began to dominate the field of vision. 

Projected across the Temple’s bottom level was the image of a young girl running away from an older elven woman. The child quickly disappeared into the trees. The vision faded only to be replaced by another scene. 

A fallen ironbark tree with the sounds of a crying child coming from the other side. It was as if the watcher of the memory walked around the end of the tree, coming to look directly at a much younger Kallian. She could hear the gasps of her friends behind her as they recognized her dark red hair and green eyes. 

This was the part of the memory where Fen’harel came to save her. Kallian would have to explain who the man that looked exactly like Solas was.  _ Shit, that's going to be an awkward conversation.  _

However, rather than the Dread Wolf coming to comfort the child, it was Keeper Deshanna. The elf gathered Kallian unto her arms, brushing comforting strokes over her hair. 

“Shhh, Da Fenlin. It’s alright. You are safe,” Kallian could feel tears prickling the corners of her eyes as she watched the interaction. Could it be that the memory she had of these events was false?

“Kallian, we will always be your family. No matter what, you are a Lavellan.” With the child in her arms, the Keeper began to move back the direction she came from. “We are the ones who journey to a hopeful place. As long as you are with us, you will have a family, you will have hope.”

With this, the vision faded and Kallian pulled tight on the thread that had been sewing the Breach closed. As the torn edges of the Veil rejoined, the facade of memory fell away from her mind. She could feel tears making their way down her face. She had been lied to. It had been the _Keeper_ who found her that day, not Fen’harel. Her memory had been a lie this whole time. 

_ What else has he kept from me?  _ Kallian said, looking towards the elf in question, wrath burning in her gaze. When their eyes met, he began to walk towards her but she turned on a heel and ran in the opposite direction, back toward Haven. 

* * *

The moment she heard the rest of the army making their way back into the camp, Kallian went to find Dorian and Varric. The moment she had walked into town she had found the strongest bottle in the tavern and bought it. She wanted to celebrate. After all, they had won, the Breach was closed. It didn’t hurt that the drink made her forget what she had learned. 

She found the pair of them standing near the bonfire in front of the main staircase. She bounced over to them, braids on the side of her head lightly thumping on her neck. 

“Hello, my dearest friends,” Kallian said probably too cheerfully, making it obvious she had already found the Iron Bull who gave her something to drink that was probably lethal to anyone smaller than a Qunari. “Let’s celebrate.” 

Dorian gave her a strange look before plastering a grin on his face and agreeing. Varric was already halfway to the tavern. 

If Kallian had one thing to say about Josie, it was that she knew how to throw a celebration. From the moment her inner circle walked into the doors of the tavern, none of their mugs were empty for more than a moment. It was well after dark when Kallian stumbled out of the tavern and started walking toward the chantry building intending to round up the advisors to come to join the tavern party. 

She had managed to find Leliana and Josie without much difficulty. After letting them know they were needed in the tavern, they pointed farther up the hill to Cullen’s last known location. 

* * *

Cullen stumbled away from the fire he had been drinking at with Bull’s Chargers. Standing made him immediately aware of how hard the Qunari’s ale had hit him. He saw two of every reveller he passed. He had to find Leliana. Bull had told a joke that she would love. 

Cullen looked down the hill to see two Heralds stumbling up the hill, looking just as drunk as he felt.

“Commanlen? Culmander?” Cullen smiled at the sound of her voice calling for him. It was like bells ringing through a cold winter morning. “Shit. Uh, Cullen?”

He needed to answer her. “Herrrald” he slurred, grabbing her arm as she met him, trying  to steady her and himself. She looked up at him, her green eyes dark, her pupils were blown wide from drink. Cullen had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. 

“Cullen” she extended the vowels in a way that made him blush. “I was sent to find you,” she poked his chest for emphasis, “And tell you,” poking, “to get down to the tavern, your presence is needed.” She emphasized the sentence with more pokes to his breastplate.

“Allow me then,” he put his arm out to escort her down. Any other day and he would balk at the idea of his soldiers seeing him like this but it had been a good day. Even he deserved a break.

About halfway down the hill Kallian stumbled and sent them both careening into an alleyway. Relying entirely on his soldier's instincts, Cullen caught himself and gently righted Kallian so she could lean against one of the houses. Once he got his own feet underneath him, he looked at Kallian. Her head seemed to be moving in his vision in a way that made his head swim. He put his hands on the sides of her face in an attempt to focus on her. He was still seeing two of her, but the feeling of her face under his hands brought the two Kallians into one. 

“Cullen,” she said in a way that turned his knees to water. The slur that had been in her speech only moments before had faded, she was looking at him more clearly. He felt her fingers hook in the seams of his armor on his shoulder. Her eyes drifted to his lips as she licked hers.

Without thinking about it, he crushed their lips together. She used the leverage from her fingers on his armor to pull his body against hers, effectively pinning herself against the wall. 

The tip of her tongue dragged across the seam of his lips hungrily searching for more and he sighed into her. Hands moving down to her waist, searching for any way to pull her closer to him. She had been smart enough to change out of her armor earlier, a decision he was very thankful for; especially when she gasped in response to his gloved hands brushing across her waist. 

His mind no longer felt clouded by the Qunari drink the Iron Bull had given him, rather it felt as sharp as it did during any battle. He could feel every bone in his body vibrating with excitement over the fact that he was kissing her. 

Kissing her felt like a cool drink of water after an expedition in the Hissing Wastes. At that moment, Cullen knew he could die right then and be perfectly happy. He knew that it wasn’t the lyrium that had been bringing them together, but rather, his possibly very real feelings for her. 

And the way she was kissing him back, Cullen wanted to believe that she was realizing the same. 

The signal horn began to sound from the watchtower. 

As if the Maker himself decided to punish Cullen for thinking that. townspeople who had been merry outside the gates moments before began to scream and run up the hill. Soldiers began to run past their hiding spot, swords clanging as they were quickly refastened to belts. He could hear his lieutenants calling for him.

Something was coming. Something big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Thank you to Chuckasaurus for helping me edit. 
> 
> Also a Cullvellan first kiss that isn't interrupted. Whaaaatt?  
> Elvhen translation  
> Da'assan - Little Arrow  
> Da fenlin - little wolfling


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fall of Haven.

Kallian ran towards the source of the commotion with Cullen right at her heels. Kallian joined her friends in a small crowd that was gathered around the front gate. Cullen jogged to a group of his guards to hear the report. 

“Where did you run off to?” Dorian asked in a whisper as they waited for the Commander to tell them what was happening. 

“What do you mean?” Kallian responded.

“We sent you off to find the council members. Leliana and Josephine came and found us and said you had stumbled off to find our Commander. What took you so long?” He had a smug look on his face as if he had backed her into a corner. “You obviously found him, considering you ran down here together.”

“Is now really the time for this story, Dorian?!” Kallian shot back, annoyance leaking into her tone. The last thing she needed was for her friend to ask her about something she didn’t even understand herself. 

“So you admit there is a story, then?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She turned to glare at him when Cullen turned and gestured for her to join him just outside of the crowd. 

“One watch guard reporting. It’s a massive force. The bulk over the mountain.” His face was grim as he pointed up the hill from their vantage point. 

“Under what banner?” Cassie asked as she walked up to the pair of them. 

“That’s just it, there is no banner.” 

Cassie’s eyes narrowed in confusion. The look was quickly replaced by one of shock and suspicion when there was a knock on the gate. 

The group that stood around waiting for orders because instantly silent. Kallian stood staring at the door. How had the force gotten so close this quickly?

A muffled voice yelled from the other side, “I can’t come in unless you open!” 

The voice was oddly strange and yet familiar. Kallian pushed through the gathered crowd to force the gates open. As the doors opened, Kallian was greeted by the sight of multiple men dead laying in a semicircle. It almost looked as if someone here was trying to defend the door. 

A final goliath of a man sauntered towards the gates. Kallian pulled her side knife from its sheath and dropped into a crouch. She wished that she hadn’t left her staff in her cabin.

Just behind her, Kallian heard a sword pulled from its sheath and the sound of armor plates rubbing together. A quick glance told her it was Cullen who was falling into position behind her with the rest of her companions following suit. 

Just as she was going to give the signal to move forward, the man fell towards them. The massive body hit the ground with a solid thud. Kallian did not relax her crouch. Something had taken him out, and they did not know whether friend or foe. 

A young man stood from his position behind the fallen enemy, pulling his daggers out of the man’s back and returning them to their sheathes over his shoulders. From her low vantage point she could see into his eyes. The light grey was shocking and sent an unexpected feeling of warmth and comfort through her. An image of her fox spirit friend flashed through her mind and she recognized that Compassion had found a human form. 

Compassion looked from her to the group standing behind her before flicking his eyes back to Kallian. “I am Cole. I came to warn you. To help. People are coming to hurt you. You probably already know,” he said, words choppy as if his thoughts were moving too fast to keep up with. 

“Who is coming, Cole?” Kallian asked calmly.

“The templars are coming to kill you.”

At this Cullen stepped forward, unbelieving. “Templars? Is this the Order’s response to our talk with the mages? Attacking blindly?” 

Kallian understood why he was confused. He had spent more than half his life with the templars and from what Kallian knew, this was uncharacteristic of them. 

Before she had the chance to open her mouth to reassure him, Cole stepped in. “The Red Templars went to the Elder One. You know him? He knows you. You took his mages.” On light feet, Cole turned and pointed up the hill, “there.”

Kallian followed his line of sight to a cliff face up the side of the mountain. Standing there was the horrible monster that had attacked the Conclave. The hair rose on the back of her neck. Somehow, Kallian knew it was looking directly into her eyes, even though the distance should have made it impossible. 

She heard a sharp intake of breath from her right and looked to see Cullen looking up the mountain, white as snow. Did he somehow know the Elder One as well?

She finally noticed the man standing next to the monster. It was the same man from the twisted future Kallian and Dorian had seen. The man who seemed to have complete influence and power over future Cullen. 

“I know that man,” Cullen muttered to her confirming her suspicion that they had a history. “But this  _ Elder One.” _

Cole drew his daggers and squeezed the hilts. “He’s very angry that you took his mages,” the spirit’s tone sent chills down Kallian’s spine. To say that he was angry was probably an understatement. 

They needed to act. Now. Kallian turned towards the Commander, the thrill of their kiss far from her thoughts where it had seemed cemented only minutes before. 

“Cullen. Give me a plan. Anything.”

He had recovered from the shock of seeing the man and was nodding thoughtfully. “Haven is no fortress. If we are to withstand this monster, we must control the battle.” He looked over Kallian, seeming regretful at her lack of armor. “Get out there and hit that force. Use everything you can!”

Kallian turned towards her inner circle, “you heard him, man the trebuchet.” Leliana held Kallian’s staff out to her. Someone must have fetched it from her cabin. She gave the Spymaster a small smile of gratitude and turned to Cole. “Are you coming, Cole?”

“Yes, to protect you. You are my friend,” 

His grey eyes met hers and she remembered the times they had spent in the Fade. Times that Fen’harel was not around and the fox would playfully nip at her hand, searching for treats. Or when he had comforted her after Fen had kissed her.

“It is my job to protect my friends,” he finished, nodding at her. 

Kallian nodded in response before turning and leading the inner circle up to the first trebuchet. They were able to quickly dispatch the Red Templars who had been creeping in to try and control the device. 

Bull and Blackwall worked together and with a grunt, hauled a boulder onto the trebuchet sling. Once it was secured, Kallian started to turn the wheel that would aim the trebuchet. After it was aimed to her satisfaction she stepped off the platform.

“Cassie, Viv, and Blackwall, stay here and hold the trebuchet. When I give the signal, fire,” Kallian pointed up towards the mountainside above the cliff where the monster stood. “The rest of you, with me!”

They ran up to the next trebuchet to see that much of the Inquisition forces who had been holding here had already been slain. A huge humanoid mass of red crystal was hitting the trebuchet with a crystalline appendage in an attempt to destroy it. The figure was being guarded by several men in templar uniforms who all had small shards of red crystal on their bodies. 

Kallian pulled out her staff and cast a quick barrier over the group before signaling to attack. Suddenly everyone was a blur of motion. Bull had killed two of the templars who had been climbing over the wall before Kallian even had a chance to send out her first lightning strike at the one attacking the trebuchet. 

Kallian focused all of her firepower on the central figure, drawing the attention of many of the other templars. To her left Kallian could see some men with swords running towards her, preparing to attack. Kallian summoned her daggers, prepared to parry when an arrow found its home in the side of one of their necks, the other following soon after. She glanced over to the origin of the arrows to see Sera disappearing into the shadow of a house with a crazy smile.

Kallian fade-stepped to the space next to the trebuchet and drove her two daggers into the side of the figure who had been attacking it. As she stabbed, she noticed unexpected resistance when driving the daggers into the man’s side. How was that possible? He hadn’t been wearing armor. Rather than blood, dust and small pebbles trickled over her fingers. That blow would have crippled a normal man.

Kallian sprung backward as she barely managed to avoid the retaliatory swipe. At that moment, she was thankful for the speed she gained by not wearing armor, even though she was much more vulnerable. The goliath’s attention was now entirely focused on her rather than the siege weapon. Good. 

It stomped towards her with big lumbering steps, swinging his crystal arm with abandon. Kallan weaved through his strikes, ducking under his legs and managed to climb up on its back. It immediately began to thrash around, trying to throw her off. She managed to grapple onto the monster with her legs, freeing her legs to summon a dagger. 

She plunged the dagger into the goliath’s neck, wrenching it across, all but severing the creature’s head. It collapsed in a heap. Kallian spilled off of it, managing to land on her feet before springing up to find her next fight. 

She hissed at a sudden impact accompanied by a flash of burning pain. Looking down she noticed a gash in the side of her leathers. An arrow had cut through them, leaving a deep gash in her side and hitting the goliath corpse behind her with a solid thunk. She turned towards the source of the arrow, seeing a templar archer readying a second shot. 

Kallian fade-stepped next to the archer and stabbed him in the side before he had the chance to react to her presence. When the man crumpled, she observed the battle to see the fray around them was calming down. Seeing the opportunity, Kallian sprinted towards the catapult controls. Turning the controls to get it facing the way she wanted, she called out, “Dorian, send up a fireball!”

As he did she triggered the trebuchet. The missile soared up to the side of the mountain, making contact at the same time as the one fired by Cassie. 

The side of the mountain seemed to collapse as an avalanche covered the bulk of the Elder One’s marching Templars. 

The fighting army cheered as she did this. Bull and Sera finished off the remaining templars and the whole inner circle quickly made their way back into the village. 

As soon as they reached the gates Kallian turned towards her inner circle. “Gather any remaining villagers and get them to the Chantry!” Kallian said in a commanding voice that did not reflect the adrenaline and fear that was coursing through her veins. 

A pained scream came from the flaming ruin where the tavern once stood. Turning on her heel, Kallian flew toward the building. She threw herself into the door helplessly, bouncing off. 

“Allow me, Herald,” the gruff voice of Blackwall said from behind her. He carefully stepped around her up to the door. Raising one leg, he kicked at it, the door that had seemed so solid to Kallian shattered into small flaming splinters. The warrior continued his momentum into the building, disappearing into the heat. A few agonizing seconds later he emerged, holding the bartender in his arms, being trailed by one of the patrons. 

With a great crash behind them, the cabin next to the tavern collapsed, cutting off the screams that had begun to emanate from it. Kallian felt a weight settle on her shoulders. If she had killed the monster at the conclave, these people wouldn’t be dying. Breathing in deep, Kallian pushed off the despair. That wasn’t going to save those who were still alive. 

Echoing through the valley came a stern commanding voice, “Inquisition! To the Chantry!” Kallian turned her head to see the Commander holding his long sword in the air moving the people inside the temple. 

A piercing screech rang through the area, forcing Kallian to cover her ears and causing all the hair on her neck stand up. A sudden rush of air threatened to flatten them as a black dragon swooped over them. With a second screech, a red explosion blasted into the apothecary’s shack, completely obliterating it. 

“Herald,” Cassie said, breaking Kallian out of the stun. “We must try to get to the Chantry.” 

Kallian nodded at the Seeker, rolling the grip of her staff in her hand. She led her friends to the doors, past Chancellor Rodrick yelling for others to come and waving for them to run through the door. She sent them all in, turning around to see if anyone was lagging behind. No one else was coming.

As soon as Kallian made it through, two soldiers closed the doors behind her, the solid sound of the doors colliding rang through the Chantry like a death knell for Haven.

After she had a moment to catch her breath, Kallian felt a light hand on her arm drawing her attention up from the floor to the face of Cullen. 

“Our situation is dire, Herald. What little time you bought us was lost with the dragon.” A wave of what looked like fear passed over his eyes before quickly being shoved back by determination. “There has been no communication. No demands. Only advance after advance.” 

Cullen gestured for Kallian to follow him to the side of the chamber. The wall of determination softened slightly as he spoke to her in a quiet tone, “I am afraid there is very little hope. Rather than this being about how we escape, I think it is going to be how much we can hurt the Elder One before we are taken out. If we can turn the last trebuchet to the mountains above us, we can trigger another landslide...”

“That would bury the village,” she said. 

“I know,” he said, voice somber. 

Kallian looked around the Chantry. The injured were being carried down a set of stairs into what she assumed was a more secure room. Dorian waved them over, drinking a lyrium potion as he crouched over some of the wounded. 

“It seems like the Elder One marched his entire army out here to get you,” he said with a grim voice, looking directly at Kallian. 

This was all her fault. All the lives lost, every home burned, every injury was her fault.  _ I am nothing but a failure. A danger to others.  _

The room was quiet as Dorian’s words sunk in, only thing breaking the silence was a small dragging sound as Cassie helped Chancellor Rodrick over to where they were standing. “I… know of… a way… out,” he gasped as crimson spilled down the side of his white robe. How had she not noticed while he was directing people inside?

Sadness and uncertainty changed to stubborn determination inside Kallian. “Cullen,” she said in a commanding tone, “can you get everyone out if Rodrick shows you the way?”

“With some time, yes,” he said. Kallian watched as a plan began to formulate in his head. 

“I can give you time,” her own plan realizing. She had been the cause of all the hurt and destruction; she would not let more happen if she could help it. 

“Kal, what do you mean?” Varric said from behind them, startling Kallian. 

“I mean, you get everyone out. The Elder One wants me so bad? I am the perfect distraction to give you the time you need.”

Dorian opened his mouth to protest but closed it at a look from Kallian. The room had gone silent, everyone was listening to their conversation. 

Cassie was the first to speak up. “We can’t ask this of you.”

“I’m offering,” Kallian responded with a tight smile. “Dorian, when everyone is out of harm's way, send up a signal. I am going to bury the village but I’ll wait until you are safe.”

“That covers our escape, what of yours?” Cullen asked, hitting the one question Kallian knew would come up but was hoping wouldn’t. His face fell when she didn’t respond. 

She stood a little taller, channeling all the determination she had. No one else was going to die because of her mistakes. For a moment he looked devastated before putting the emotion behind a wall of determination. She watched as he became the Commander again. He turned away to begin coordinating the escape.

Solas walked up to her on almost silent feet, placing an arm on her shoulder that made her skin crawl. 

“Da’fen,” he whispered almost reverently, “allow me to heal you.”

She roughly pulled away causing Solas to look at her in shock. “Save your mana for the truly injured, they need you more.” 

“Then allow me to say goodbye,” he pulled her into a firm hug she had to force herself to return. He used the closeness to hiss in a voice barely audible, “don’t forget who you are. And who you  _ belong  _ to.” He pressed a hand on her hip, thumb stroking the mark on her hip. As he pulled away, Kallian tried to escape, but could not avoid his lips when they pressed against hers. 

With a slight growl, she bit his lip hard enough to make him pull back instinctively. Her cheeks were flushed with anger that turned to satisfaction at the look of betrayal on his face. 

Who she  _ belonged _ to? He spoke as if he knew about her and Cullen. But that wasn’t possible. Was it? He hadn’t been near the alleyway. She  _ belonged  _ to no one but herself. No one could dictate who she spent time with. He did not get to touch her as if he owned her. He did not get to make her decisions for her. If she was going to die, she could choose how. She could sacrifice herself for her friends if she wanted to. 

And if she was about to die, it would be without the slimy feeling of Fen’harel’s lips on hers. 

Kallian breathed in deep. It felt as if a band that had been constricting her lungs snapped and fell away. For the first time since the birthmark appeared she felt in control of her own life. Just because she was his Chosen did not mean that she was his plaything to manipulate. Although the mark on her hip tied her to him forever, she would not let him use her as a pawn. A toy to be used for his own pleasure. 

She would be his Chosen, but nothing more. She would do nothing more than any Dalish Chosen would be expected to do. 

Looking around Kallian saw everyone was pointedly not looking at her. She stepped away from Solas, pressing a hand to her injured side pushing a small amount of healing magic into the wound. 

Cullen cleared his throat awkwardly before turning and calling out, “Inquisition! Follow Chancellor Rodrick through the Chantry! Move!” The once quiet hall became a blur of activity as Cassandra and Dorian helped support the Chancellor. The inner circle followed in a somber procession, each giving Kallian shouts of good luck or good bye. 

Finally it was just Kallian and Cullen standing in the entryway. His posture slumped as he spoke, “I wanted to apologize for earlier. It was a mistake and it won't happen again.”

Kallian felt what little smugness remained from her confrontation with Solas fade.  _ He regrets kissing me. It was a mistake. _

She forced herself to smile at him, the forced nature turning it into a grimace. “No need to apologize, Commander.”  _ I should be the one apologizing. I practically attacked him. Of course he wouldn’t want to kiss an elf, let alone an elven  _ mage _.  _

If it was possible, his shoulders slumped farther. Kallian was confused, wasn’t that what he had wanted. Then why did he look so sad?

Then as if he was remembering the dire situation they found themselves in, he straightened. 

“Right.” He said, “keep the Elder One’s attention until we’re above the tree line. If we are to have a chance,” his voice softened, “if  _ you  _ are to have a chance, let that thing hear you.” He looked at her through his eyelashes and opened his mouth as if he had something more to say before deciding not to. 

Kallian nodded, not trusting herself with words. They would only get caught on the thick lump stuck in her throat. She turned towards the doors, pushing them open and stepping into the cool night air. 

The dragon roared from where it circled above the town. When it noticed her exit the chantry it swooped down, forcing her to dive away as its claws clutched at empty air where she had been only moments before. 

Rising to her feet again, Kallian launched into an all out sprint towards the ruined front gates of the town. She slid through a turn and began running up the path that went past the three trebuchets. The first was already a smoldering ruin, probably destroyed by the first wave of templars. The second was, thankfully, intact and loaded. 

Before she could reach it, a blinding explosion of red light threw Kallian backward into a section of the fence. The gash on her side reopened slightly, a fresh trickle of blood running down her side. As soon as her eyes focused she saw the second trebuchet was gone. The only hint that it had ever existed was a small wooden square on the ground. 

“Fuck,” Kallian muttered to herself. On to the third. Pulling air back into her lungs she pushed herself up the last of the path. As she entered the ring containing the final trebuchet she found that it was suspiciously clear of the templar monsters they had fought before.  _ This is definitely a trap,  _ she thought,  _ but it's not like I have any choice _ .

Kallian ran up to the trebuchet, using mage-hand to load it quickly. Now it just needed to be turned towards the mountain above. A paralyzing screech filled the air as more red energy to destroy the buildings around the village. 

She put all of her strength into the dial that turned the trebuchet. It had finally gotten to the position she wanted it when the ground shook, threatening to knock Kallian off her balance. The dragon landed in the siege weapon circle, dominating the space. Kallian crouched, summoning her knives and baring her teeth at the beast, forcing the fear back down from where it had been clawing up her throat. She just had to keep it distracted long enough for Cullen to evacuate the village. 

Kallian looked around, trying to see if there was anywhere she could go, to lead the monster away from the trebuchet. There was a small mine shaft against the mountainside, but she couldn’t get back up to fire the trebuchet from down there. He could not be allowed to destroy the machine but was there any way she could survive head-on combat with a dragon? 

She dove out of the way of an energy blast, rolling to her feet. She could feel the heat through her leathers and watched as the wall burst into flames on the other side of the circle. She turned ready to pounce and distract the beast.

“Enough!” A frightening voice boomed. 

Kallian looked up towards the flames, squinting against the heat. 

“Enough,” a dark figure began to walk through the flames, trapping Kallian between it and the dragon.  _ Remember I just need to last long enough for the others to escape,  _ she thought, stealing herself for a fight. 

She dismissed her daggers and cast a barrier spell around her, standing to her full height, staff in hand. 

The Elder One stalked towards her holding a green glowing orb in his hand. Anger flooded through Kallian. _Of course he still has the fucking orb. Of course it wasn’t destroyed in the explosion. Of course it is Fen-fucking-harels magic causing all of this._

“Pretender,” he said, gesturing to her. “You toy with forces beyond your ken. No more.”

“You speak as if you know the magic behind the orb,” Kallian hissed at him.

“Mortals beg for truth they cannot have. It is beyond what you are. What I was,” he raised his arms up like Kallian had seen Andrastians had done before. “Know me. Know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One! The will that is Corypheus!” He pointed at her. “You  _ will  _ kneel.”

Kallian forced a smug laugh. The more angry she could make him, the more focused on her he would be and the less likely he would notice the small group of refugees emerging from a cave up the mountain. “You attempt to become a god using a power you stole from one. What are you hoping to gain from me?” 

“I stole nothing. I was gifted this power,” he lifted the orb, admiring it. “I ask nothing from you. What I desire is not in your power to give. But that will not stop me from taking it from you.”

Kallian felt the pull of arcane energy through the air as he activated the orb. The characteristic green magic replaced by a corrupted red. 

“I am here for the Anchor. The process of removing it begins now.” Corypheus directed the energy towards Kallian. Pain lanced through her arm forcing her to collapse to her knees. It felt as if he was hollowing out her arm. 

“This is your fault, Herald,” he said over the sounds of her screams. “You interrupted a ritual years in the making. You failed to save the Conclave, you failed your god. You failed to be a sacrifice. And instead of dying and allowing me to fulfill my divine purpose, you stole what was meant to come out of the ritual. You stole what was meant for me” 

Kallian’s vision began to darken around the edges. She clenched her jaw until she tasted blood. It felt as though the skin was being pulled off her arm. She twisted and rolled on the ground trying to escape from the pain.

Through the fog of pain she saw the dark line of her friends trudging through the snow over a ridge out of sight. She had to live long enough for them. 

Corypheus’ voice continued to drone on in the background, seeming to grow more angry with each passing second. “I do not know how you survived. But what marks you as ‘touched’ what you  _ flail  _ at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens. And yet, you dare to use the Anchor to undo my work!” Rage was starting to contort his voice. If Kallian wasn’t on the verge of blacking out, she would have laughed at him. 

She took a deep breath before forcing herself to look up at him. “I am a Chosen of Fen’harel. Marked by the very god you stole your power from. And you accuse me of taking it.”

“Then your god wants me to kill you. For his mark, the Anchor, is one I cannot let escape. I am predestined and I won't have that taken away by some foolish child.”

As quickly as the pain came, it faded, leaving her arm tender and tingling. She watched, unable to move, as Corypheus walked up to her and lifted her by her left arm. “My god has told me I am destined to kill you,” she lied in defiance. 

“Stupid child,  _ he lied, _ ” he spat at her, “I once breached the Fade in the name of another. To serve the Old Gods of the empire  _ in person _ . I found nothing but chaos and corruption. For a thousand years I was confused. But no longer. If all the gods are dead then I will champion a withered Tevintar under no name but my own. I will become the gods I was looking for. I will correct this blighted world. And you shall  _ beg  _ that I succeed. For I have seen the throne of the Gods. And  _ it was empty _ ,” he hissed the last words to her. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Kallian watched a fireball fly into the air in a slow arc. They had made it out. 

“Not all the gods are dead. And those that are still alive don’t take it very well to someone trying to usurp them.” As she threw the final words at him she lifted up her legs, using his chest as leverage to kick away from him. As soon as she landed she ran to the trebuchet, throwing herself against the trigger. 

With a rush of air, the rock flew into the mountainside. There was a building thunderous roll the mountain collapsed. A wall of white rushed towards the village, threatening to bury it. Kallian stood mesmerized until the first buildings on the outskirts of the town began to disappear. 

Kallian vaulted herself over the trebuchet lever and ran as fast as she could. As the snow rushed over where she had been standing moments ago, Kallian dove into the abandoned mine shaft.

* * *

Cullen lagged behind, watching as the snow rushed down the mountain covering the small village. He had hoped that Kallian would find a way out. But as he watched snow cover the town he knew it was impossible. He felt a hand lightly touch his shoulder. 

“Cullen, we must push on. Else the sacrifice she gave us was worthless,” Cassie said from behind him. He nodded and shoved his sorrow down. The Inquisition needed their Commander. 

He walked at the back of the group, Cassie always nearby.

They trudged through the snow for what seemed like hours. Just as it seemed the hopelessness of their situation would overwhelm him, Cullen noticed scraps of cloth tied to tree branches every few minutes. His curiosity momentarily outweighed the despair at his military failure. 

Some of the scraps looked like they had been cut off Inquisition uniforms. Cullen began to walk faster hoping to find an explanation for the path that was clearly being set up. 

After passing many huddle groups of displaced villagers and rows of marching troops, Cullen found Sera tieing the scraps. 

“Sera?” he approached her. 

She turned sharply towards him. A knife held precariously between her lips, a captain’s cape slung over one shoulder, the bottom frayed from where she had been taking from it for the straps. 

“Oi! Cully-wully! I was just about to come find you. I need that fuzzy-capey-thing. Yeah?” She said, dropping the knife out of her mouth and catching it deftly in her hand. 

“May I ask why?” he raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s cold up here, righ’? When Kal comes up here she is gonna need a cloak ‘n all. All she had on was those leathers. And while they might show off that nice arse, they are not warm, yeah?” Sera talked at such a speed Cullen almost couldn’t keep up. 

“Uh… I…. guess so?”  _ Maker’s breath, her… what… Hold yourself together, soldier.  _ Cullen glanced around hoping none of his soldiers were watching. 

Sera snorted, doubling over with laughter. “Oh, Cully. Varric is right. You are so easy.” She snorted again before taking a deep breath. “So… the cape?”

“Oh, yes.” Cullen said, clearing his throat. He moved to undo the straps when he noticed the mantle had become significantly looser. 

“Don’t worry about that Cully, I took care of that for you.” Sera said from behind him, pulling the mantle off his shoulders before hanging it on a tree branch. “Unless you want the tips of her elfy ears to freeze off?” 

Still in shock at how fast she moved and spoke coming off, Cullen felt around his waist, wondering how she had gotten it without him noticing. He felt his money patch conspicuously missing and held out his hand, looking down at the cackling rogue. 

“Sera.” Cullen said, his anger swelling. “Give it back.” 

She laughed louder, snorting again as she dropped his coin pouch into his hand before darting away up the path. She called behind her, “lighten up Cully.”

Cullen watched as she ran to the next tree, tying another strip of the captain’s cape. He wondered how she could be so carefree after everything they had witnessed. He couldn’t help a begrudging bit of gratitude at her ability to force a little sunshine into any situation.

He observed the mantle, seeing that she had managed to unbutton the straps without him noticing. At least she hadn’t cut the straps. 

“Commander!” a young scout came running up to him, “Lady Nightingale is requesting your presence.”

Cullen nodded before jogging up to the front of the column of refugees. Lelianna and Josephine were talking in hushed tones with Mother Giselle. They made space for him in their small circle.

“Commander,” Mother Giselle said in a soft tone, “we must stop for the night. The people need to rest. To regroup. To mourn our dead.” 

_ Our dead. Kallian is dead.  _ The events of the evening rushed over him before condensing into an intense pain behind his eyes. He rubbed his eyes, saying “Yeah, I’ll give the order.”

He turned and marched off to find his captains. 

* * *

Kallian stumbled out of the cave into the blustering snow. The cold cut through the leathers she was wearing as if the wind held knives. 

She held her right hand up, wanting so badly to summon the smallest amount of fire to keep herself warm but was unable to do so. Stumbling blindly through a whiteout, Kallian could only hope she was walking in the right direction. 

After stumbling for what felt like miles she saw a flutter out of the corner of her eye. There was something tied to a tree. Kallian rushed up to it, recognizing the material as part of a soldier's uniform. 

_ The Inquisition has come this way _ . Directly below the branch was an arrow that appeared to be carved into the bark with a knife. Someone was leaving her a trail to follow. 

She stumbled along until she found the next tree with a similar strip and arrow. Kallian started to walk more vigorously. She needed to find them soon or she would freeze. The small ball of fire could only warm her so much and whatever progress it made was quickly undone by the wind. 

As the next tree entered her field of vision she noticed that the branch where she presumed a scrap would be tied was covered by something much larger. A dark mass lay draped over it. As she approached the mass became more familiar. 

Cullen’s mantle had been left for her. She pulled it on with shaking hands, clasping the front of it in one hand to keep it from sliding off. 

Though minimal, the relief was instant. The cloak gave very little warmth from the waist down but it provided a shield from the wind, which Kallian was grateful for. 

She followed the tree path for hours. Eventually, the adrenaline from the battle faded and the fatigue took its place. She began to stumble, her legs to numb from cold to coordinate properly. 

After cresting the top of a hill her legs gave out. She cried out as the fall jostled her broken ribs, the pain making the anchor flare out with a pulse of green light. 

Everything hurt too much to get up. She had tried, right? Tried to get back to them. Tried to save them. That's what counted, right? In the end, she just couldn’t go far enough. 

As the darkness crept into the edges of her vision she thought she could hear shouting. 

* * *

Cullen thought he imagined the green light on the hill. He was going to ignore it until he realized that one more moment of sitting here helpless would drive him insane. He stalked towards the edge of the camp where Captain Rylen was overseeing the watch. 

As he walked through the ranks Rylen jogged up to meet him. “Commander? Did you see something?”

“I saw a flash of green at the top of the hill. It’s probably nothing,” Cullen responded. As an afterthought he added in a lower voice, “and I need to at least act like I am doing something useful. If not I will go insane.” 

Rylen nodded his understanding. Cullen had known the Captain long enough to know that this waiting around was probably killing him too. He turned back towards the camp shouting over her shoulder, “give a yell if you need anything.”

Cullen continued his hike up the hill heart beginning to pound and adrenaline started to rush through his veins. 

As he crested the top he saw a strange dark rock that he did not remember being there when they walked past. The rock shifted slightly as if it was breathing. His heart began racing. Was it possible?

He drew closer to the shape and saw pointed ears poking out from above his furry mantle. 

“Kallian?” he asked, walking towards her slowly. 

He saw her lips were blue and her breathing was shallow. It was clear that she was not going to be getting up anytime soon. He scooped her into his arms and began the trek back down the hill, shouting that he had found her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for reading. As always, thank you to Chuckasaurus for making this readable. 
> 
> I just wanted to apologize for not being around. I am in my last semester before student teaching and it has been very busy. My school is doing an accelerated semester because of COVID and I have had very little time and energy to write. I am hoping to post a few more times before the end of the semester and then I have a long winter break. Hopefully, during that time I will be able to post more regularly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break y'all. This chapter almost killed me.

_ Kallian was walking through a dense forest, It had been a long time since she had last traveled these paths but she still recognized them. This was the area they had been in when her parents had died.  _

_ She recognized a few of the trees around her, and began to move to where she knew the Dalish camp would be. While she was still a fair distance away she heard a hitched breath from her left, and turned towards the noise. A familiar ironwood tree lay on the ground. A small figure was curled up in front of the tree. Kallian could see a tuft of red hair and the pointed tip of an elven ear.  _

_ Kallian froze in place as a younger version of herself cried over the death of her parents. She was about to approach when she heard a twig snap from the direction of the camp.  _

_ Kallian’s head turned towards the sound. Emerging from the treeline was Fen’Harel. As he got closer to the young elf his features began to blur. His wolf skin cloak turned to mist and was replaced by a long embroidered robe. His bald head blurred out of focus and was replaced by the braided bun that Keeper Deshanna always wore.  _

_ The Keeper scooped the young girl into her arms and walked towards the camp whispering comforts to the child.  _

_ The world around her faded before rematerializing on the mountaintop where she collapsed. Once again she was standing over a curled up version of herself. She watched as the blowing snow began to collect behind her, threatening to cover her.  _

_ Slowly a blond head lightly dusted by snow rose above the crest of the hill. Soon steel armored shoulders followed as Cullen came fully into view.  _

_ As he came closer his form began to grow fuzzy. Slowly Fen’harel emerged from the mist, still approaching her form on the ground.  _

_ But Kallian knew he hadn’t been the one to find her. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. When she opened them Cullen was running towards her body, bending down to scoop her up.  _

_ A dull roar sounded in her ears as she watched him turn back towards the camp to yell but no sound came out. Holding her close to his body he hurried back to the camp.  _

* * *

Kallian jolted out of her sleep and opened her eyes to see a sharp grey gaze looking directly down at her. Solas’ face was twisted into a grimace that attempted to soften once he saw her eyes were open.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Kallian hissed scooting away from him. As she moved back on the cot she noticed that her tunic had been removed to allow healers access to her injured side. She quickly pulled the blanket back up from where it had fallen to cover herself better.

The sudden movements aggravated her incredible sore muscles and sent a sharp pain through her side. She could feel at least two ribs broken and what felt like a dozen bruises across her body. They must be her reward for falling down the mine shaft and wandering through the mountains. But she didn’t think she hit her head.

Solas looked at her hurt before quietly responding, “Kallian, I am only checking up on you; trying to heal you” She watched as he reached forward to touch her leg and couldn’t repress the grimace or the reflex to yank her leg away. He pulled back, “I was worried about you.”

“Last I checked I was injured in a lot of places but none of them were my head.” Her voice was sharp. “Please leave so I can rest.”

“Kallian, dear, you must have hit your head, you’re talking nonsense. I am a healer. I am  _ your  _ healer. I am just trying to help you.”

“Were you trying to change my memory again? Right before I woke up?” Normally Solas was unflappable. But as she said this, Kallian watched a flash of admission run through his eyes. “I thought so,” she spit, angrier than she had ever been. “Get out, before I scream.”

Solas stood up and walked out stiffly. As she watched his retreating form, Kallian let out a deep breath. She let the blanket drop away and began to take stock of her injuries. She still had the cut from Haven on her side, she had several cracked or bruised ribs and a bandage on her left hand. Thankfully that seemed to be the extent of her injuries. 

Glancing around she saw that she was in a small tent made of a piece of white leather draped over a rudimentary tent frame. A pot of hot coals rested in the middle of the tent to fend off the cold. Still the mountain air pierced through the side of the tent, making her shiver. Continuing to look around she noticed a clean cotton shirt folded on top of what appeared to be the commander’s mantle. 

As she stood and put the shirt on she looked out the front flap. A large bonfire burned in the middle of a circle of tents. She spotted Cullen, Liliana, and Josephine standing near the fire. By the sounds of their voices carrying to her, they were arguing. Cassie was standing a few feet away from them with a hand to her brow. Kallian could see that the Seeker was trying to calm the others down to no avail. 

Glancing around the camp, Kallian made eye contact with Mother Giselle who gave her a soft smile and began walking towards her. 

Kallian settled on the edge of her cot and pulled the blanket around her shoulders, waiting. 

As the Divine Mother stepped into the doorway she looked down at Kallian and said, “You should be resting, Herald.” Her tone reminded Kallian of the way the Keeper used to speak to children who did something they shouldn’t have.

“How long have they been going at it?” Kallian responded, slightly annoyed at the woman’s patronizing tone. 

Giselle sighed. “A while. But they have that luxury, thanks to you. The enemy could not follow after the avalanche, and with time to doubt what comes next, we turn to blame.” She glanced out the tent towards the fighting advisors. “Infighting provides just as much a threat as this Corypheus.”

“If they are arguing about what comes next, I should be there.”

“Another heated voice will only make things worse. Even yours.” She sighed again, “perhaps especially yours.” 

_ What the hell does that mean _ , Kallian thought to herself. She was about to open her mouth and ask when Mother Giselle spoke again. 

“Our leaders struggle because of what we survivors witnessed. We watched our defender stand alone so we could escape. And we watched her fall.” Mother Giselle looked at her, “and now we have seen her return.”

Kallian glanced out towards the fighting group. “What does that have to do with them?” she asked.

“The more out of our enemy’s reach we get, the more miraculous your actions seem, and the more ordained our trials,  _ your trials,  _ seem.” Mother Giselle reached forward and put her hand on Kallian’s shoulder. “I know that you do not believe you are Andrastian, and all the things that I have been saying are difficult to accept, no? What ‘we’ have been asked to do and endure.”

“I escaped the avalanche, I did not die and come back,” Kallian insisted.

“And people don’t come back from beyond the Veil, but the people know what they saw.”

_ That happens more than you think,  _ Kallian thought, picturing Fen’harel, his Chosen, and their journeys in the Fade. 

“Or maybe they saw that they needed to see. The Maker works both in the moment and in how the moment is remembered. Can we truly say the heavens are  _ not  _ with us?”

_ The divine are with us alright,  _ Kallian thought cynically,  _ but not in the way that you want.  _

“I still do not believe in your gods, and I think that to survive this we will need more than faith,” Kallian responded pulling the Commander’s mantle around her shoulders to fight off the cold air. “I would love to believe that what I am doing is predestined by your gods or mine, but there is doubt everywhere, and we do not have time to wait for certainty.”  _ How would they all react if they knew that my actions are predestined by a god, just not their own? _

Kallian pushed herself up on stiff legs and walked out of the tent towards the fire. As she approached she noticed that the group was no longer fighting. Rather, Josie and Leliana were whispering to each other quietly, Cullen was staring at the fire and shaking his head, and Cassie was looking at the map they had spread out over a barrel. 

She was about to walk towards Cassie when she heard something from behind her. Looking back over her shoulder Kallian saw Mother Giselle walking towards the fire, singing softly but growing bolder. Soon other voices in the camp picked up the tune. Kallian could tell from the lyrics that it was an Andrastian hymn. 

_ The Shepherd's lost _

_ And his home is far _

_ Keep to the stars _

_ The dawn will come _

Members of the chorus began to walk forward and form a circle around Kallian and Mother Giselle. She heard Cullen’s voice join in as he stepped towards her with the rest of the crowd. It was going to be hard enough to look him in the eye after what had happened in Haven, now this. If she hadn’t lost so much blood during the battle and subsequent trudge through mountains Kallian was sure that her face would have become bright red with embarrassment.  _ Why would she do this? I’m not even fucking Andrastian.  _

_ The night is long _

_ And the path is dark _

_ Look to the sky _

_ For one day soon  _

_ The dawn will come _

Once the song faded out Mother Giselle whispered out of the side of her mouth, “Faith is made stronger by facing doubts. With no tests, faith means nothing.” Kallian watched as the Inquisition saluted her. If her feet did not feel frozen to the ground, she was sure that she would have run far away from this. 

As the crowd dispersed Kallian noticed Solas walking towards her holding a familiar cloak. He had saved her fox fur and halla armor that had been left in her cabin at Haven. He held it out to her and whispered, “might I have a word?”

She nodded, slightly numb and disbelieving, and took the cloak from him. Switching the mantle out for the familiar armor, she walked behind Solas away from the camp out of habit, unable to process what had just happened. As they walked up the hill, Solas began to speak to her without looking back at her, “Corypheus’ attack changed these people. It changed you.” 

Cresting the hill he turned to face her. “You have my congratulations. The shemlen have not raised one of The People up so high in many generations. Their faith is hard won,  _ Lethallan _ , this is not a gift we should use lightly.”

“Gift?” she asked, confused. 

“Yes, Da’len. A gift,” he said slightly condescending. “I know that you recognize the orb that Corypheus was using…”

“I know that the magic in it is yours,” Kallian responded curtly. 

“Yes, well I need it back. It is essential for the next part of my plan.” 

“Ah yes, the plan.”  _ I am getting so fucking tired of this plan. If everything I do is so important why won't he tell me anything about it?  _ “What is this plan of yours? Or are you still not going to tell me about it?”

“Kallian.” He sighed. “I’ve told you time and time again. You need to trust me”

“Trusting you so far has done nothing but put a target on my back,” she spit at him.

“You know that I never intended for you to get hurt,” he took a step towards her reaching out as if to comfort her. “The danger is unavoidable, but I tried to stop you from going to fight him on your own. If you had just let me go with you, then Corypheus may be dead. We could have left all these shem. This could have been over.”

Kallian just glared at him in response. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.  _ Was it foolish for me to insist on going alone? _

“I should have insisted. I shouldn’t have let you leave alone. But I have a way to make it up to you. I know of a fortress that is in need of a force to hold it. Come, let's go tell the others together,” he motioned back towards the camp and began to lead her down the mountain side.

~~~

Cullen stared at the elven man in disbelief. “There is an old Elvhen fortress in these mountains?”

Solas laughed a little at this response. “I know it can be hard for you to understand that any other race is sophisticated enough to build a grand fortress in the mountains, but believe it or not, the Elvhen have been around much longer than your kind.”

Cullen was taken aback; he hadn’t meant it that way. He gestured to the map, “could you point out where this fortress is?”

Solas walked up and seemed to examine the map carefully. “If memory serves, then it should be right here.” Solas moved one of the markers that had been discarded to the side of the makeshift table. 

_ No wonder it’s never been found.  _ The marker was placed deep in the Frostback Mountains. Luckily the tunnels out of Haven had brought them closer. A day of marching and they could be there. 

“I will send Harding out ahead with a small group,” Leliana said nodding towards the dwarf. “Better make sure that no one has moved in.” 

“That’s unnecessary, Spymaster,” Solas said condescendingly. Cullen glanced at Leliana who was glaring at the elf. 

“We will still be taking precautions, Solas,” Leliana said in a clipped tone. “Even if they may seem unnecessary.”

“If you think it wise, Spymaster,” Solas said, sighing before turning and walking away. Cullen observed as Kallian watched Solas, scrutinizing, but was surprised when she didn’t follow him. 

“When can we start moving?” Kallian asked, turning towards the map. 

“Scout team should make it by tomorrow afternoon if they leave now.” Leliana said, beginning to motion Harding over to give instructions. 

Cullen nodded, “We could head out tonight…” he trailed off as his eyes moved to Kallian’s face. She had both hands braced on the makeshift table. The normally stark white tattoos were blending into her wan face that was typically tan. Cullen could see a thin sheen of sweat across her face.  _ She was practically dead a few hours ago.  _

“Commander,” Cassandra interjected, “I think it would be better to wait till the morning. Give the wounded more time to recover.” Cullen got the impression that she had noticed the same things. 

Dorian walked over to them and put a hand on Kallian’s shoulder, “come on Kallian, darling, let’s get you back in bed.” Cullen was grateful she had someone to help her, even if he wished that he could have been the one to do it. 

~~~

Kallian spent the first two hours of the march looking for Cullen and avoiding Solas. She had woken up covered by the mantel again despite the fact that she had left it near the table last night. 

Without the characteristic cloak, the commander was much more difficult to spot. Eventually, she found him, talking to some soldiers. Kallian walked up behind the group and waited her turn. 

As the other soldiers slowly trickled away, Kallian watched as recognition bloomed on Cullen’s face and he began walking towards her. 

“I’m sorry, Herald. I would have come to talk had I seen you there sooner…”

“Don’t worry about it, Commander,” Kallian said, looking up to him and holding up the mantle, “I wanted to give this back to you. And thank you for saving me.”

“Oh,” he stuttered, face flushing a little bit more, “Thank you. Are you sure you don’t need it? You should keep warm.”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Kallian lit her hand on fire to illustrate her point but quickly extinguished it as Cullen flinched away from the sudden magic.

_ Stupid girl. Of course, he would be afraid of that,  _ Kallian thought to herself. “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be,” he interrupted quickly with a small, reassuring smile. 

They began to walk along the side of the column silently. Kallian opened her mouth to say something but couldn’t come up with the words. She closed it again, humming lightly. She began to look around for anything that they would talk about. All the topics that came to mind, mainly the kiss, would only make the situation more awkward.

After a few more minutes of the oppressive silence, Kallian broke it, saying, “so how does this new place sound? Tactically speaking.”

“It is in a much better position than Haven was.” He sounded relieved to have something to talk about. Kallian couldn’t blame him, it was probably uncomfortable for him to be alone talking to a mage. 

“In the mountains which will make it difficult to attack. It is closer to Orlais, which will make it easier to access the country.” Cullen got a glazed look in his eye. It was clear to Kallian that he was a person who spent the majority of his life thinking about military affairs. 

“Have the scouts returned?” she asked.

“Leliana said that one of them did. The fortress is empty, a little worse for wear but that was to be expected.”

Kallian nodded trying to think of what to say next. She looked down at her boots, kicking her toes in the snow. Her cheeks were growing warm. She wished that it was easier to talk to him; easier to talk about what had happened. She wished that her magic didn't seem to make him so uncomfortable.

Her ears twitched at a sudden sound from behind her. 

“There you are, Kallian,” Dorian gasped holding on to his side. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“I’ll take that as my cue to leave. Herald,” Cullen said with a respectful nod in her direction before jogging toward the front of the marching column. Kallian looked after him confused. He was a very difficult man to read. Sometimes, she thought he seemed open to her, like he was comfortable. Other times he would close up, like he would suddenly remember she was a mage and not to be trusted.

“What was that about?” Dorian said with a laugh. “I could have cut that tension with a knife.”

Kallian brushed the comment off as much as she could. “Did you need something?”

“Yes. I meant to ask you yesterday but then the Andrastianes did their thing and,” Dorian waved his hand referring to the song. “After the Commander brought you back, when we took your leathers off you to try and get you warmer, I noticed a strange mark on your hip?”

_ Great, as if I needed more awkward conversations in my fucking day.  _ Kallian thought to herself groaning. “What about it?” 

“What’s the deal?”

“Dorian, it’s nothing.”

“Oh? Some big Dalish secret?”

Kallian glared at him out the corner of her eye before turning to walk forward. 

“Wait! Is it actually a big Dalish secret? Come on Kal, you can trust me,” Dorian whined like the petulant child who was tired of walking. 

“What can’t she trust you with, Sparklers?” Varric called as he sauntered up to them. 

“That strange mark on her hip,” Dorian mock whispered, “apparently it is some big Dalish secret.”

Kallian looked up at the sky in exasperation.  _ Mythal, give me patience.  _

“Ooh, you were going to ask her without me there?” Varric asked, eyebrows raised.

“I was planning on finding you later,” Dorian said with a smile. 

She rolled her eyes. “Oh I can trust you, can I?” Kallian responded. 

“Of course you can Kal. What are secrets between friends?” Varric said, winking. 

Slowly making their way alongside the column of Inquisition refugees, the three of them walked in a line. The sun was high in the sky and Kallian could feel its warmth on the crown of her head. 

“Fine,” she muttered begrudgingly. “I presume you both know the three mages a Dalish clan always has?”

“The keeper, and the two apprentices.” Varric supplied as Dorian shook his head. 

“Yes.” Kallian took a deep breath.  _ Gods help me if Fen hears me tell them this. _ “There are actually two more.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper as she looked around to try and find the other Elf. She began to subtly guide the other two into the thick of the crowd, Solas would likely be on the outskirts of the column. 

Both Dorian and Varric looked shocked. Kallian wasn’t surprised. 

Varric looked up at her, “I was under the impression that all the mages who weren’t the leaders were taken out after the blight. I had a Dalish friend in Kirkwall, she talked about how her clan was lucky to have escaped.” Varric looked up at her, eyes apologetic, “apparently the Ferelden Circle fell during the blight and the templars really cracked down on any apostates.”

“They did, the Dalish mages were devastated. Except for us. Our magic is a bit different, harder to see. They call us the Chosen of Fen’harel. We are ambassadors of sorts between the Dalish clans and the god Fen’harel. We have always been a secret. More so because, while we typically aren’t trusted by the others, we are an essential part of the clan.They only keep us around unwillingly, begrudgingly so. 

“The mark on my hip is what  _ claims _ me for Fen’harel,” she almost choked on the last words.  _ I belong to him. I am marked for him.  _ “It shows up on a young Elvhen girl, and from then on she must give her life in service to the Dread Wolf.”

“If that's the case, Kal; why are you here?” Varric asked. 

“I was told by Fen’harel to come observe the Conclave. Monitor the goings on for any influence it may have on the Dalish clans, or, more importantly to him, his plans?” 

A flash of movement on their left drew Kallians eye. Over the crowd of people walking, her eyes met the grey eyes of Solas. He was glaring over at her with a face that said “shut up right now”.  _ Shit _ . 

~~~

Cullen walked up the final ridge that the scout had reported. As he squinted into the sunset his breath was drawn from his lungs by the sight. The sun was disappearing behind the mountains, casting an orange light across the stones in front of him that made up the building in front of him. A bridge extended from the cliff in front of him across the valley to a mountaintop fortress like nothing he had ever seen. 

Even in slight disrepair, the fortress would be simple to defend. Watchtowers rose over the walls looking out into the valley below. Any enemy would be seen from miles away, making it impossible to sneak up on. A waterfall poured out the side of the fortress around what looked to be a giant gap. A spring, perhaps? A cylindrical building attached to a taller tower made up the bulk of the fortress. Cullen could see plenty of strategic places to station guards and sentries. 

In his mind he could see what this place would look like if they could fix it up. This fortress was meant to hold a mighty force. At first glance, it looked like the place was made for the Inquisition.

“Commander!” He heard Leliana’s faint voice echo across the bridge towards him. He could see her standing in the gateway with Cassandra and Josie. 

He made his way over to where they were, welcoming people into the fortress. 

“Cullen,” Cassandra began. “I think the time has come for us to name an Inquisitor.”

“After the fall of Haven, we need one face for the rest of us to unite under,” Josie added. “Show the world that being attacked did nothing but make us stronger.”

“I would agree.” Cullen responded. “If we wait much longer, others will begin to question us even more than they already do. Who did you all have in mind?”

They all looked at each other and nodded in agreement. “We believe the logical choice is the Herald,” Cassandra said. “She seems to have been chosen by divine forces twice now. Who are we to question the Maker’s signs?”

Cullen nodded, asking, “Do you think the fact she is not Andrastian will raise questions about her legitimacy?” 

“No,” Leliana responded quickly. “Whether or not she is, does not matter when the Maker is so clearly pointing at her.” 

Cullen hummed in agreement and looked over his shoulder. He could see her red hair shining in the sun as she crested the hill. Without looking back he asked, “when?”

“We should approach her when she walks in. There is no point in waiting,” Cassandra said.

~~~

As they got nearer to the final hill, Kallian squinted up at the top of the ridge. Solas looked down at her framed by the last sunlight of the day. She climbed up to the top of the hill, pulling her staff off her back for support as the trek winded her. As she rose in elevation, the fortress slowly came into view. The western side was painted gold with the setting sun, while the east was blue and purple with cold shadow. 

She looked over at Solas, amazed that such a place could exist. He looked back at her and with a small smile said, “Skyhold.” He waved his arm forward as if ushering her across the way. 

The view of the fortress was breathtaking. Kallian had known it would be amazing but this was awe inspiring. She walked across the bridge and through the gates. She immediately noticed the advisors standing in a circle speaking urgently. Cassie was the first to make eye contact with her, motioning Kallian over with a tilt of the head. 

Kallian was barely within earshot when the Seeker began speaking. “They will flock to this place. People will want to fight for our cause,” Cassie said motioning to the people still walking through the gates. “Word will spread, all the way to the Elder One. And we know why he was drawn to you.” 

“The Anchor.” Kallian said looking down at her hand. “But it is useless to him. Now he just wants me dead. It would probably be safer for all of you if I left.” She laughed, grimly. 

“Your decisions let us heal the sky. Your determination has led us here,” Cassie said as she led Kallian up a set of stairs. “You are the Elder One’s rival because of decisions you made, not because of the Anchor, and we know it. All of us.”

As they came to a landing, Kallian saw Leliana waiting there holding a massive two handed sword. She stepped forward toward Kallian as if she was offering her the sword. 

“The Inquisition will need a leader,” Cassie said motioning her forward, “the natural choice is the one who has already been leading us.”

Kallian looked down at the crowd assembling in the courtyard below, then back up at Cassie and Leliana. 

“You cannot possibly mean me.”

“Of course you,” Leli said with a light laugh. “Who else?”

“Either of you?” Kallian said, beginning to panic. “Cullen or Josie? Anyone who isn’t an elf, isn’t Andrastian, isn’t distrusted?”

“We will be here to help you, but we all agree,” Leliana said, nodding down to where Cullen stood. “You will be our leader.”

“But swords really aren’t my style, Cassie. You know that,” Kallian said in one last desperate plea.

“It is merely ceremonial,” Leliana chided rolling her eyes. 

Kallian glanced down at the crowd. Dorian and Varric gave her an okay sign and a thumbs up respectively, Sera was busy trying to swipe Solas’ coin pouch, Vivianne looked up at her with a calculating grimace, Iron Bull and Blackwall were drinking with the Chargers, and Cole was sitting on the landing right in front of her, invisible to everyone else. None of them seemed surprised at this new development. Did everyone know this was going to happen but her?

Kallian nodded, determined. She reached up and grabbed the sword out of Leliana’s hand. “I am grateful for your trust and faith in me. Even if we don’t share faith.”

She looked back out over the crowd, catching Solas’ eyes. He smiled and gave her a small nod.  _ This just plays more into his hand. He knew they would raise me up farther than they already had. He believes that he just made his pawn one of the most powerful people in all of Thedas. And he is right, but I will not let him hurt these people if I can help it.  _

She could vaguely hear Cassie shouting something from behind her and the crowd roaring in response. Everything became a dull ring in her ears, her vision blurred until the only thing in focus was Fen’harel’s face. She felt Compassion wrap his fox tail around her leg. Using her friend’s fox form as an anchor, she took a deep breath and the lifted sword above her head

As soon as she had the opportunity, she walked away from the crowds. Eventually, after walking away from all noise for what felt like hours, she found a dark room. Vines were growing up the walls and across the scraps of furniture that were left from the last inhabitants. In the corner farthest from the door, she slid to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest, letting out the sobs that had been threatening since the ceremony.

What had she just accepted? What had she agreed to?  _ What had she delivered to him?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for reading. As always, thank you to Chuckasaurus for making this readable.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heartfelt conversations, creepy "dreams" and a fight... not necessarily in that order.

“Kallian” a whispered voice said from above her as she was gently shaken awake. The muscles in her arm and back were stiff and almost numb, despite a blanket that had been draped over her to try and ward off the chill coming from the stone ground. Kallian hadn’t woken up like this since she joined the Inquisition. 

“Kallian,” the voice whispered again, shaking her a bit harder. With a groan, she slowly opened her eyes. She saw a pair of tattered brown pants that had been patched by various scraps of fabric. A white tunic in a similar state hung loosely over a gaunt human form. 

“Compassion?” Kallian whispered confused, “what’s going on? Why are you here?” 

“You fell asleep here. You looked cold. I wanted to give you a blanket so you could be warm. I stayed with you just in case. I could feel how upset you were. You always liked to see me in the Fade. I thought it would be comforting if you saw me when you woke up.”

Cole barely paused for long enough for Kallian to thank him, before continuing, “it is almost morning. You should move, the spymaster is going to send someone to find you soon. You don’t want them to find you here, do you?”

“No, I don’t. Thank you, Cole.” Kallian lifted herself off the ground with a groan. By the time she straightened up, Cole was gone. 

Kallian stepped out of the room, stretching her shoulders in the dim morning light. Looking around she noticed some things she had missed the night before. Namely, a large garden stretched out one floor below her. Some of the non-magical healers poked through the overgrown plants, presumably looking for any herbs that could help. 

The walkway that she exited onto had three other doors periodically placed on it. On the opposite side of where she vaguely remembered entering this area from, Kallian could see a set of stairs that led up to the top of the wall. 

Kallian jogged up to them, just in time to see the sunrise. She looked out over the valleys below the fortress and climbed on top of the lip of the wall before dropping into a cross ankle position to meditate. 

About an hour later she could hear one of Leliana’s scouts coming up behind her. 

“Um,” the scout said, clearly afraid of startling Kallian off the wall, “Inquisitor?”

Kallian turned around and slid off the lip of the wall, “yes?”

“Lady Nightingale and the other advisors would like to call you to a war table meeting at your earliest convenience.” 

Kallian nodded at the scout, “I’ll go right away. Where do they want to meet?”

“In a secure room. The second door on the left in the main hall,” the scout responded quickly. “Anything else, Your Holiness?”

“No that will be all,” Kallian responded with a nod. The scout saluted with one arm across her breast before turning and walking away.

Kallian began the very roundabout route to the bottom of the wall. The stiff muscles in her back twinged with every step down the stairs. The longer she walked, the looser her muscles became. She would have to go find the training grounds at some point today. 

As she walked into the main hall, Kallian was surprised to see Varric awake at such an early hour, leaning against the stone wall next to the hearth.

“Inquisitor!” he exclaimed once she walked into the hall. “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

“Of course, Varric,” Kallian responded, walking towards him. 

“I don’t think I have quite gotten to tell you  _ all  _ of my adventures from traveling with the Champion of Kirkwall”

Kallian shook her head a little confused, “from what I’ve heard, that is impossible.” 

“Well, there was one adventure in particular where we were trying to figure out why these Carta dwarves kept attacking Hawke and her sister, Bethany. We followed the trail into this cavern prison and at the bottom, we found an old, malformed, Tevinter magister named Corypheus,” Varric paused and looked up at Kallian as if he was gauging her reaction.

“Okay, Varric. What does this mean for us?” Kallian asked, confused.

“Well, I may have lied to the Seeker.,” Varric said with a long, dramatic pause, “I do know where Hawke is, and I have asked her to come here and talk to you about Corypheus.”

Kallian thought about the new information for a moment before responding. “The Champion? Cassandra was looking for her before the Conclave, right? To help lead the Inquisition?”

“Yes,” Varric said, the smallest bit of remorse making its way into his voice. “She deserves better than being dragged into another fight that she didn’t belong in. She and Fenris deserve more.”

“Why tell me this now, then? Why bring her into this”

“I figured she might be able to help us figure this out,” he said with a big sweeping gesture all around them. 

Kallian sighed. “Thank you for asking her to come. But you do realize that Cassie is going to kill you, right?”

“Worth it,” Varric responded with a shrug. 

Kallian chuckled and said, “I’ll talk to you later, Varric,” as she continued her way to the new War Room. The guard waiting outside the door saluted her before opening it for her. 

Cullen, Josie, and Leliana turned towards the door as it creaked open. Kallian slipped into the high ceiling room and squinted into the morning sunlight streaming through the windows.

“Good morning, Inquisitor,” Josie said, the new title rolling off her tongue. 

“Good morning, Josie. How is the settling-in effort going?” 

“It is going well. Leliana’s scouts did a good job marking off locations in the hold that are currently unsafe. We are beginning to estimate the supplies needed to repair the more derelict portions.”

“Are those supplies that we have or will they need to be collected?” Kallian prompted, knowing that she would have to be the one collecting them if that was the case. She honestly felt excited at the prospect since it meant she would get to be moving around again. After moving around for most of her youth, staying in one place for too long made her uncomfortable.

“Most will need to be collected,” Leliana responded, confirming Kallians suspicions, “most supplies we had were left at Haven. However, I have been talking to my scouts and the quartermasters. They believe they have a few leads on where some supplies can be found.”

“Where? I can collect or mark the supplies during my travels.” Kallian said, not trying to sound too eager.

“Well, Inquisitor, they are all over, but there is no real rush,” Josie said, seemingly shutting down Kallian’s desire to continue moving. 

“Alright,” Kallian sighed, excitement stifled somewhat, “what’s next, then?”

Cullen spoke up, Kallian had to force herself to look up and make eye contact with the man, willing her blush to go away. “I am concerned about the templars we saw at Haven. They were clearly under the influence of red lyrium, But their corruption was more advanced than I have ever seen.” 

“Wait,” Kallian jumped in, confused, earlier awkwardness fading away, “Red lyrium? Like the stuff we saw at the Breach? How could it be doing this to the templars?”

“I’ve only seen it once before,” Cullen sighed. Kallian noticed he suddenly looked like the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders. “The Knight-Commander of Kirkwall turned into a statue made of the stuff when the Champion killed her. It’s just  _ wrong _ .”

“Where could they be getting it? Is it mined by the dwarfs?” 

“No,” Cullen replied quickly, “I believe Varric’s brother found a statuette of the stuff in the Deep Roads. He might know more about it.”

“Leliana, have the scouts keep an ear to the ground about this. I want to know where they are getting this from,” Kallian said. 

It fell silent around the table. After a minute, Kallian broke the silence, “I want ideas on where I should go next. I hate to just be sitting here while that  _ thing _ flies around.” Kallian shivered as memories from Haven and the idea of a possible Archdemon flying around surfaced.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” Leliana said with an understanding look.  _ Of course _ , Kallian thought.  _ Leliana was traveling with the Hero during the last blight. This probably brings up unpleasant memories for her. _

“Anything else?” Kallian looked at all three of her advisors. Each of them shaking their heads at her in turn.“Alright, have a good day,” she said, dismissing them.

The three advisors filed out of the room as Kallian looked at the map spread out over the war table, completely at a loss for what their next move could be.    


* * *

As he walked into the main hall, Cullen saw Varric vigorously writing on a roll of parchment. By chance, the dwarf looked up at the moment Cullen was going to walk by. 

“Curly,” Varric said, way too chipper for this early in the morning. “Listen, I need you to tell the Seeker something for me.”

“Why can’t you tell her?” Cullen asked, already not wanting to get in the middle of whatever this was. 

“Believe it or not, Curly, I don’t have a death wish.”

“What did you do?” Now he really didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever it was.

“Hawke is coming.”

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen sighed with a hand to his head. The lyrium withdrawal headache he had been fighting off all morning came on full force. “You’ve known where she is this whole time?”

“Curly, you can’t blame me. She deserves better than whatever it was that Cassie was trying to drag her into. After everything that happened in Kirkwall, they deserved a break.”

Cullen couldn’t argue with that. Hawke watched one of her closest friends do something terrible. Anders had led to the fall of the Gallows and almost resulted in the death of every mage in the city, including Hawke’s sister. It had taken Cullen and the Champion working together to stop the massacre. A massacre that Cullen would have had to participate in, had Hawke not helped him kill Meredith.

“Fine,” Cullen relented, “I’ll tell her. But all this is doing is delaying the inevitable.”

“I know,” Varric sighed, “thanks anyway.”

Cullen nodded and continued his way out the main hall and down the stairs. Looking down at the makeshift table set up for him at the bottom of the stairs, Cullen slumped at the stack of paperwork that was waiting for him. The headache that had been forming when talking to Varric grew increasingly more intense as he got closer to his work. 

He was only down by his table for a moment before being surrounded by soldiers. Each of them there to update him on whatever menial tasks they had been assigned. As the sun continued to rise and began to hit him, the headache got worse, further increasing his frustration. When the crowd finally thinned, Cullen started to give new orders to the ones that remained. 

His tense nerves finally snapped when a scout stood looking dumbfounded after a simple order to check the armory. When he noticed the scout was still standing there, he couldn’t stop himself from yelling, “NOW!”

He didn’t hear the Herald’s approach until the page taking notes next to him said, “Inquisitor,” with a salute.

He turned around, leaning against the table. The last thing he needed was to snap at her as well.  _ Why is she coming to talk to me? Maybe she saw me standing here by the stairs and didn’t think she could continue up them without stopping. Probably the only reason she would come talk to a washed-up templar like me. I should say something so she doesn’t feel the need to.  _

He noticed that she was opening her mouth to speak too late. “We set up the best we could at Haven,” he started, interrupting Kallian before she even got the chance to speak, “but could never prepare for an Archdemon … or whatever it was. With some warning, we might have…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Do you ever sleep? Or even stop working?” She had a slight smile and a teasing tone in her voice, but Cullen thought he might see something else in her eyes.

He shook off her teasing, but could not suppress a small smile. “If Corypheus strikes again, we may not be able to withdraw, and I wouldn’t want to. We must be ready.” 

She walked up next to him and looked down at the table, giving him a strange look. 

“Work on Skyhold is underway,” he gestured at the map, seemingly unable to stop talking, “guard rotations established. We should have everything on course within a week.” He looked up at her, “we will not run from here, Inquisitor.”

“How many did we lose?” she said before he could continue rambling, “at Haven, I mean.”

Cullen looked back down at the table, the full force of his massive failure falling onto his shoulders again. He sighed before speaking, “Most of our force made it to Skyhold. It could have been much worse.” He looked up at her, trying to hide the pain and regret in his voice, “morale was low. But it seems to have gotten much better since you accepted the role of Inquisitor.”

“You all have so much faith in my leadership, I hope I am ready.” She looked down and crossed her arms. Cullen could see the uncertainty in her stance, it used to be one that he wore often. 

“You do not need to hold up the Inquisition alone. Although it must seem like it.” She relaxed slightly, encouraging him to continue, “we needed a leader; you have proven yourself time and time again.”

“Thank you, Cullen,” she said, looking down. One arm holding the other. He watched as her ears turned a crimson that almost blended into her hair. “Our escape from Haven… it was close.” She stammered slightly, “I am glad that you… so many made it out.” She looked up at him, the red on her cheeks made the green of her eyes pop. 

“As am I,” Cullen responded, looking away from her. He wanted to say more but couldn’t find the words. When he didn’t say anything else, she began to turn and walk away. Cullen’s heart dropped into his stomach, and he instinctively jumped forward and grabbed her hand, pulling her back. “You stayed behind, you could have --” She turned back around, eyes meeting his. “I will not let the events of Haven happen again. You have my word.” 

“Cullen,” his name in her voice was like a balm on his pounding headache. “What happened at Haven was not your fault.”

He rubbed the back of his neck again, “that is kind of you to say.” 

“You seem tense. Care to come to the training grounds with me?” She asked, pointing a thumb over her shoulder. As much as his muscles revolted at the idea of exercising, he knew it would make him feel better. 

“Sure,” Cullen said nodding and setting his notes down, “I need to go check on the recruits at some point anyway.” 

The two of them walked towards the training courtyard in awkward silence. Eventually, Kallian broke it, saying, “I don’t believe I have ever asked you: why did you join the templars?”

Cullen was taken aback for a moment at the question. “Well, um,” he paused. “When I was a boy I always admired the templars that worked in our town. They were my heroes, I would watch them train and beg my parents to let me join them.” 

He smiled wistfully, reminiscing. “Eventually, the Knight-Capitan talked to my parents. I think I had worn them down. My parents allowed me to join them because they thought it was the only thing I would ever be at peace doing.” Cullen let out a light laugh. “That was when I was thirteen years old.” It seemed like a hundred lifetimes ago.

“So young?” Kallian asked, her tone uncertain. 

“Not really,” he responded looking down at her, “there are some who are promised to the order from infancy.” 

Kallian gasped, looking up at him in shock, stopping in her tracks.

Cullen stopped walking and turned towards her, “comparably I was quite old when I joined the templars. I had to fight every single day to feel like I had earned my place.”  _ I almost wish they had allowed me to go earlier,  _ Cullen added silently. “Most of us who lived in the Circle, templars and mages alike, will join while very young. It is not unusual for a young templar or mage to not remember a life outside the Circle.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“No,” he sighed, “growing up in Honnleath, we were not completely sheltered from the rest of the world. We heard stories about blood mages and abominations. Then I experienced those dangers first hand during the fall of the Kinloch circle, I thought that templars were the only thing standing between those dangers and the innocents.” He could not suppress the shiver that ran down his back at the memories. 

“We don’t need to talk about that,” Kallian said, putting her hand on his arm. Warmth bloomed from her touch and pushed all else away. As much as Cullen wished that she hadn’t noticed the weakness, he was grateful for her soothing touch.

“It’s alright,” Cullen said, fighting the temptation to place his own hand over hers. “By the time I stopped to consider that not all mages were evil…” He trailed, unsure how to talk about what happened in Kirkwall, what he had done nothing to stop.

“You don't need to talk about it, Cullen.” Her voice calmed the memories, bringing him back to Skyhold, rather than Kinloch or Kirkwall. “Don’t feel obligated to explain yourself to me.”

Cullen brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck, “er, thank you, Inquisitor. It is okay, though. After Kirkwall, Cassie recruited me. I couldn’t really see a future with the Order after what had happened, so I accepted her offer.”

Cullen looked down at the Inquisitor to offer a reassuring smile. Her bright green eyes pierced his golden ones. For a moment, he held her stare. Cullen was the first to break, eyes flicking down to her lips. Her bottom lip was in between her teeth, the white tattooed arrow slightly not aligned with the line above it. Although he knew it was an inappropriate time for such thoughts, he couldn't stop his mind from flashing back to what her lips had felt like against his. What her body had felt like wedged between his and the wall. What she had sounded like… 

The heat creeping up on his face shook Cullen out of his memory and back into the present. He could see a faint blush on Kallian’s cheeks as well.  _ She was probably uncomfortable about how long you were staring at her lips.  _ Cullen sent a quick prayer of thanks to the Maker for his armor, he can only imagine how uncomfortable  _ that  _ would have made her feel.

“Shall we continue to the training grounds?” She asked, voice breaking slightly. 

Cullen only nodded in response, not trusting his own voice to stay level. He turned and walked the rest of the way towards the training ring. 

As they approached, Cullen saw his second in command looking at a group of recruits fighting with a hand to his head. Rylen seemed to be growing increasingly frustrated, but he seemed to immediately calm when he saw the commander’s approach. 

“Inquisitor, Commander,” Rylen said, running towards the pair, “please show these helpless excuses for soldiers how it is done.”

Cullen looked down at Kallian.

“Care to go for a round?” she asked, a roguish smile appearing on her face.

* * *

Kallian stood across from the Commander in the sparring ring. She twirled the hilts of the wooden daggers in her hands, dropping into a slight crouch. Her white under-tunic moved in the light breeze that blew through the courtyard. 

Cullen stood on the other side of the ring, holding a wooden sword and a small shield. She thought he was taking inventory of how she would be able to fight, probably thinking that she could be easily overpowered due to her small size. Or thinking that she, like many mages, relied entirely on her magic in a fight. She would use that overestimation as she had on many opponents before him. 

With the benefit of a shield, he would be much more defensively capable than her. She would have to accommodate for this by being offensive. However, if she was going to be fighting on the offensive, she would have to make the fight quick. A defensive fighter like him would wait to wear down her endurance and become more aggressive as she tired.  _ Fast and aggressive  _ Kallian thought to herself, securing her grip on the daggers. 

The other soldiers and templars in the training area had gathered around the circle, prepared to watch them. 

“Yeah Boss!” Bull yelled from where he and his chargers were taking their places in the crowd. The cheer was followed by a few whistles from Krem and what sounded like Sera.

“Rylen,” Cullen ordered, voice commanding in a way that Kallian had not often heard, “count us down.” All cheering that had begun quieted down and a tense air filled the room.

“Three…” the Knight-Captain's voice rang out. 

Kallian prepared to spring, with no intention of waiting for the countdown to finish. 

“Two…” As Rylen’s voice faded, Kallian pounced. 

She swung her daggers around, hoping to hook them under his shield and twist the protection away. However, Cullen had not waited for the countdown to be finished either. His shield had been angled, easily deflecting her daggers as Rylen’s, “One…” faded into the crowd's cheers. 

She jumped back, the tip of the sword catching on the loose front of her shirt as he swung. 

Her soft leather boots slid back from the inertia of her landing. She steadied herself with her fingertips and looked up at her opponent, analyzing him. 

He did not seem to favor one side over another as most swordsmen do.  _ The Commander _ , she thought to herself, humored,  _ is a much more balanced fighter than I was expecting. _

She straightened herself and started taking careful steps around the ring, watching him for any sign of change. 

She caught the slightest tensing of his mouth.  _ A tell!  _ Kallian thought, excited, preparing to react. 

He pounced, sword swinging. She ducked down and to the left, into the swing. He was just barely too high. She used his recovery to try and get behind him, moving quickly while he was vulnerable. 

Just as her daggers were going to make contact with his right side, her movement was stopped by his shield. He had used his momentum and follow through to move the shield behind him and force it between her arms and himself. 

He pushed his shield away, shoving her backward. Then, with an overhead swing, he brought his sword down towards her torso. Kallian only barely got her daggers up in time to catch the wooden blade between them. 

The momentum of the stopped blow almost threatened to force her down to a knee, however, she maintained her feet. Jumping back up, Kallian loosened his grip on the sword just enough that she could twist it out of his hand, sending it sliding out of the ring.

As she disarmed him, one of her daggers was pulled out of her hand and fell just out of her reach, with Cullen between her and it. He backed up, shield aloft, and crouched to grab the discarded weapon. 

Kallian switched her grip on the remaining dagger, holding it perpendicular to her arm rather than straight out. She watched as the Commander twisted the grip of his knife in his hand. Kallian was pleased to see that he still held the weapon as if it were a sword. 

_ Perhaps,  _ Kallian thought,  _ he will try the same moves he would with a sword. I can use the overpowered swings to my advantage.  _

It was clear as soon as he lunged at her that this would not be the case. Somehow as he moved closer, he switched his grip ever so slightly, now coming at her as if he had been fighting with daggers his entire life. 

Kallian ducked to the right this time, grabbing the left side of the shield and bringing it with her. As she rolled through her dodge, Cullen was forced to let go of his handle on the shield, lest his arm be dislocated. 

As soon as she felt his resistance give way she threw the shield away from the two of them. A gasp and a few swear words came from all the spectators as they moved to dodge it.

She examined her opponent, signs of exertion had appeared that probably matched what she felt. A thin sheen of sweat was forming above his lip and around his hairline. The front of his shirt was slightly damp and beginning to cling to his chest. 

He stabbed forward forcing her to jump back again. A small smirk appeared on his face.  _ He’s just playing with me,  _ Kallian thought frustrated, _ probably doesn’t think that a mage can fight with a real weapon, at least not as well as a trained warrior.  _

The two were evenly matched in terms of skill. Kallian would have to figure something out to move the momentum in her favor. She couldn’t use magic. She had agreed not to and going back on that could just lead to him using Divine Smite against her. Templars in the past had done that, the results were unpleasant.

She needed to figure out a way to get him on the ground and to do that she would have to use his weight against him. Kallian knew that she was too small to have any serious chance of knocking him over.

She used the force behind her elbow to slash at his head. Predictably, he ducked down to avoid the blow. 

He shifted his weight in his crouched position, preparing to try and sweep her legs out from under her.

Kallian smirked, thrusting her dagger forward towards his face. As expected, his balance was uneven, causing him to be tipped back onto his ass. Kallian used the momentum to push the Commander flat on his back, wooden dagger tip at his throat. Her legs had straddled his chest and knees pinned his arms down at his sides. 

As the intensity of the take-down faded Kallian looked down at Cullen. Her eyes drifted down to his mouth, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Kallian took a deep breath, leaning down slightly closer to him. His head seemed to lift up off the ground towards her. The memories of his lips against hers flooded back into her mind.

The crowd around them whooped and cheered bringing her out of the moment. As the adrenaline from the fight faded, Kallian became aware of the compromising position they were in. She swung her left leg over Cullen’s torso and rolled onto her butt, breath heaving. 

As she grabbed Bull’s offered hand, Kallian was grateful for the warm environment, and her exercise reddened cheeks because it disguised the deep crimson shade she would have been blushing. 

After getting her footing, Kallian turned to offer a hand to Cullen to help him up. He was already up, however, and Rylen and some of the other templars seemed to be giving him shit about his loss. 

Instead, she turned to a waiting Bull, Dorian, Blackwall, Varric, and Sera, who started to lead her to the Herald’s Respite.

~~~

After having a few drinks in celebration of her victory, Kallian walked through the main hall, lost in replaying the fight in her head. 

In her fatigue from the fight, she almost completely missed the dark form that was waiting for her in the shadows, until Solas stepped in front of her. Kallian jumped back as if something bit her.

“Ah, Kallian,” he said, steadying her, “I have been waiting for you. 

Kallian looked up at him, confused. “Solas…” she couldn’t help the edge that crept into her voice, “do you need something from me?”

“No nothing  _ from  _ you,” a soft smile played at the corner of his lips sending an involuntary shiver down her spine.

“Rather, I have something I would like to  _ show  _ you,” his hand moved towards her temple. Kallian flinched away reflexively not trusting the man after she found him trying to change her memories.

“If you would permit me,” he continued.

Kallian took a deep breath, steeling herself for his touch. 

“Close your eyes,” he whispered. 

The darkness of the main hall gave way to the bright sunlight of the day. Kallian opened her eyes. 

All around her was tamped down snow, clear pathways leading to brown canvas tents. A makeshift table stood next to a muddy training ground. Straw practice dummies with arrows sticking out of them were scattered around her. 

Other pathways led to a blacksmith shop Kallian knew should be filled with people, pounding hammers, and shouting. The stall was eerily silent. A wooden gate led into the town proper, stone stairways leading up to the different districts, the largest of which lead up to a large chapel. 

Kallian looked around at Haven, heart aching. 

“Why here?” Kallian asked, choking back tears and walking towards the gates.

“Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you,” he was trailing behind her now. She could feel his gaze on her back, tracking her every move.

Kallian continued forward, slowing down to peer into the alleyway she had pulled Cullen into the night Haven fell. Memories came flooding back of that moment.  _ Her back pushed up against the wall, pinned there by his torso. Her legs wrapped around his waist, the plates of his armor digging in. His hands-on her waist and hers tangled in his hair.  _

The memories brought with them a heat that flushed her face and pooled in her belly. After a moment, Kallian realized that she had stopped moving; Rather, she was standing completely still gazing into an empty alleyway. Realizing what this must look like she turned back to where she knew Solas to be standing. In her stunned state, she almost hadn’t noticed him passing by her. 

He gave her a quizzical look, tilting his head to one side. “Kallian, are you alright?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” she responded, shaking her head to clear it. 

“Come, there is something I would like to show you,” he motioned with an arm towards the Chantry. 

Leading her through the winding hallways of the temple, Kallian couldn’t help but picture the panic of the crowds as they fled Haven. Cullen, Dorian, and all her other friends forced to leave her behind to die, just so they might have a chance to live. 

Eventually, Solas led them into the room she had woken up in after the Conclave. 

“I sat beside you the whole time you slept, you know,” Solas said, breaking the silence. “I wanted to make sure that you were safe. That these  _ people _ weren’t going to do anything to my best  _ panelan _ . I needed to keep you safe.”

_ Yeah, fucking right. This has always been about your goddamn plan, not about my safety, _ Kallian thought, bitterly. The chains that had been used to restrain her while he “protected” her still sat in the middle of the floor. 

Solas looked at her, head cocked as if he could read her thoughts. 

“It's true, you know,” he said, trying to reassure her. “My whole plan means nothing without you by my side. It isn’t even possible without you.” 

Kallian followed Solas as he led her back up through the temple. 

As they were walking into the early evening sun, Solas chuckled, “you know that Cassandra was going to have me executed as an apostate? They thought that I was an accomplice.” At this, Solas gave a full-throated laugh. Kallian had to hide a grimace.

Kallian forced a smile on her face, knowing that it was going to be expected of her. She was proven right a moment later as Solas turned around to glance at her. 

“They didn’t expect you to wake up, you know? A mortal sent physically into the Fade? It is unheard of in the shemlen world.” He looked at her as if expecting a laugh. She could not force one out. 

“But of course you did,” he was walking back towards her now, “I knew you would.”

“Why are we truly here, Solas?” Kallian asked, tired. 

“Truly?” Solas cocked an eyebrow. “I wanted us to have some privacy.” He walked closer towards her. Kallian had to fight the strong urge to take a step away for everyone he made towards her. 

“ _ Ara’ da mi _ ,” he said, causing an unpleasant shiver to roll down her spine. His fingers gently came to touch her chin, forcing her to look up at him. 

Kallian met his eyes. Solas began to lean forward, eyes closing as if he was going to kiss her. 

She pulled away forcefully, “what are you doing?”

“I am simply trying to show you how much I appreciate you,” he responded in a joking voice that did not match his stare. He tried again, grabbing her chin rather than guiding it. 

“Fen, please,” she said, trying to pull away further. He looked at her as if she had committed an unspeakable crime against him. 

“You’re going to say no…” his voice was incredulous, “to me… a god. Why?” he asked incredulously.

“I just don’t want--”

His mood shifted in a split second as he accused, “It’s because of that stupid shem, isn’t it?” The wrath in his eyes threatened to burn her alive as she stood there. 

“N--”

Solas sneered, breaking off her attempted explanation, “fucking templar shem. I can give you anything you could ever want. Yet you still say no.” He was getting angrier now. His hands clenched in fists. 

“Take me back,” Kallian said, voice as stern as she could make it. 

“Why?” he asked, taking a threatening step toward her, “so you can go be a dirty shem’s whore?”

Kallian had reached her breaking point. She took a step forward, voice shaking with anger, “No. Because I am the creators-damned Inquisitor, and I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Kallian watched as Fen’Harel completely still. His voice was low, dangerous, and threatening as he said, “mar solas ena mar din, Kallian.”

He reached his hand forward and touched the spot he knew her marking was. He spoke, voice commanding and patronizing, “you are Inquisitor because I willed it so. Your power comes from me. You are nothing without me.” He brought a hand up to her temple. Kallian felt completely frozen. “One day you will remember this, and you will stop fighting me.”

The world around her began to blur as Fen’harel brought them out of the Fade. As the vision dropped away around her, Kallian heard a whisper, faint enough to make her believe that she imagined it. 

_ “Stay strong, my child _ .”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'alls comments on my last chapter are what kept this one from taking 4 months to write. 
> 
> Also, it helped that I had a lot of fun writing that fight scene
> 
> Thank you all for reading. Thank you to Chuckasaurus for helping me edit.
> 
> Translations  
> panelan - warrior  
> Ara' da mi - my little blade  
> mar solas ena mar din - your pride will mean your death.


End file.
